My Life Story, My History, as good as it comes.

Was never one born into spotlight.
Was never one who thrived under the limelight.

Had always been one who craved silence.
Had always been one who loved being alone.

I had always preferred dark places to bright sittings.
I had always preferred eating alone than with another.

I guess, the more I try to become someone socially suitable.
The faster I spiral down this never-ending cycle of illusion.

And its so hard, because you know you've tried.
But fitting in, was never always about effort.

Slowly by slowly, you lose yourself.
and when you finally stop feeling you've changed.

It's more than over.
For you've long forgotten who you truly are.


Today spelt the demise of the other life.

The life, when fun was always a moment's away.
Where, there's really no suprise about suprises.
Because any second, anything can happen.

The demise of the fast life.
And the life, I guess, I never really quite knew.


Belinda


Up till now, the scars which healed throb from time to time.


I HAVE MOVED!

TO:

WWW.XANGA.COM/BRANDYKISSES.
click here!

LOVE
BELINDA




BIRTHDAY GIRL JAMIE!


The NERD club. haha


From left top right: Hendi, Russel, Jamie, Ticky, Belinda, Yilin, Audree, Choops, JY, Jy's fren(sorry i donno how to spell ur name!!)


Singing the Birthday Song


HAHA, we like small kids!


MCdonald's has the coolest water guns. haha


Sweet Audree and I!!


Jamie, the Bday girl. Looking so pretty! =)

More pics to come, ZOOOUKKK! DRINK DRANK DRUNK!


LOVE,
BELINDA



WORK WAS SO COOL AND EASY!


Headed over to TAKA, ate at Family International Buffet.


Hungry people!


CHIONG AH!

Showcases of our food!



















The Chocolate Truffle tastes SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD!


YEAH FINALLY CAN EAT!


YUM! SO HUNGRY!!


SO FREAKING FULL!


Belinda and Darling Ticky!


LOL.
These few days always eat good food.
Sure fat.
Ticky and I say eat buffet.
Then, next 2 days cannot eat alrdy.
HAHA!


LOVE,
Belinda


Dinner with my family.

DING TAI FUNG & SWENSENS.


MY DADDY JUST CANNOT STAY STILL.


Lao Fu Lao Qi




The CAI TOU that going to kena CHOP.


Siblings that are camera-shy.


I SNAP SNAP SNAP!


THEY SIAM SIAM SIAM!


Snap until i damn tired.


Dont care!! Take myself better....


My sister took this and I gave her the evil eye. (Dowan let me take ur picture, want to take picture of me -.-)


I GIVE UP, THIS IS BETTER THAN NOTHING. AHAHAHAHAA.


HAHA! GOTCHA!


MY BROTHER, DAMN PRO AT SIAM-ING.


YESSSSSSS FINALLY!


HIDE SOMEMORE!


FAST AS LIGHTNING! HAHAHA


CAUGHT YOU LICIA!

IGNORE MY STUPID FACE,
I WAS DAMN BORED!
LOL..


LOVE,
BELINDA


THIS is such a LATE POST.
But its better late than never!


SHOPPING/EATING/PLAYING DAY 1


Liquer ice cream! Damn nice


See Ticky so happy. HAHA


Ticky and I ate like pig!


CHIONG THE OYSTERS!


Ticky make me try my 1st oyster!


The day, the prawns got lucky! (hahaa, usually I chiong prawns like mad)




SHOPPING/EATING/PLAYING DAY 2


TAKA FOOD FEST!


PIZZA MAN!


THIS LOOKS SO WRONG!








It tastes so so good!


YUM!


YUM YUM!


YUM YUM YUM!


Crayfish Pasta!


Seafood pasta


Plates wiped clean!


Desert coming!


TIRAMISU!!!


MY HAPPY FRIENDS!



=D
Ps: Will pose up Jamie's 19th Birthday preparation and celebration once the pics are out, but here's a preview for everyone..


check out the specs! hahaa

Love,
Belinda.


I LOVE KENNETH YEO JIJIA!
I CANNOT WAIT FOR OUR ESCAPADE!
HEHE!

LOVE,
BELINDA


yeah piss me fucking off.
Im sorry, but i dont give a shit if im supposed to potray a nice image becox of whatever commercial reasons.
I'm that kinda person that have to vent out whatver anger and fustration as and when I jolly well feel like it.
And no one and NOTHING is going to stop me from doing so.


YES.
I AM SO SO SICK OF PEOPLE pretending to be so so nice when they are just SHIT SHIT SHIT.
SERIOUSLY.
Yes, You were saying what?
Ohh sure, u'r not a bastard, u are just being nice and considerate and really thoughtful.
Oh yes wad?
You dont wanna what?
HURT MY FEELINGS?
Oh yeah sure.
Sorry wad were you saying?
"OOPS! SORRY DID I JUS SMACK U IN UR BALLS?"

LOVE??
AND ALL ITS DAMN FOOLISHNESS.
MONEY?
AND ALL ITS DAMN COMPLICATIONS.

If you can't marry for just love, den marry for money.
if just money is not good enough a reason, den good luck.
WELCOME TO THE NUNNERY.

REALLY, it sounds so so simple you know.
I always thought it's always been such a clear line between money and Love and all its glaring glory.
But it seems now, sometimes, choices in life,
it really really, isen't all that easy afterall.

TEARS,
they come and go so ever so often when people are in out of love.
LOVE,
Is it really worth all that pain?
You would think, that loving someone is all about smiles and drifting through cottony clouds.
But I can safely say, LOVE, is really, a committment.
A committment from the heart, the mind and your actions.

I've been through so many hurdles and obstacles.
And yet I know, I'm barely throughn half of them.
And I know, forging a future is never easy.
But one can always try.

And Love, after all its flaws and heartbreaks.

Is really worth the time afterall.


LOVE,
Bells.


All that bullshit about me choosing whether i want to go LA or not.
Whatever, I don't want to give a fuck about anything anymore.
I feel so damn bloody fucking pissed off.
Whatever, I dont give a shit anymore.


HEY!
im sure many of you, have heard about the sloggi contest.
Those who read chinese newpaper, sorry for flashing my ass at the public!
HAHA..

Anyway,
I need all you sweeties to help me vote for the contest.
Thank you all a gazillion times!


http://smys.sloggi.com/user/belindaasun



LOVE,
Belinda


I GOT THE FREAKING $1000 JOB!!!!
LA HERE I COME!


SCRRRRREAMMMMMMMMMS!


This is only day 3 and I miss Baby so much.

Took this picture of baby in the bus before he left the next day for LA.

I love his nose!!

Hai,
anyway,
TIME TO SLEEP NOW.
Gotta go shopping with jamie and ticky tml for Jamie's birthday dress!

=)

LOVE,
Belinda

PS: DID I MENTION MY CAT'S IN HEAT AND ABSOLUTELY IRRITATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME?!


Some day this month a year ago.
I was a fool.
And sure as the sun will rise tml.
I knew, I'd looked back on the past.
And laugh at what a fool I've been.


Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
belindo!!

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
do do bird

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
hahah

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
HELLO

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
u sad? did u cry?

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
did you wave your hanky?

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
i waved my bra

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
i thought you would have cried after being deprived of shopping

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
ur bra is smaller than your hanky

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
ARGH

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
i tink im flying over

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
no shit?


AlvinZ - www.photofreak-alvinz.blogspot.com has been added to the conversation.


bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
decruz

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
reuben bully me

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
yoyo

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
ur bra is smaller than your hanky

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
wats up my grago

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
haha


AlvinZ - www.photofreak-alvinz.blogspot.com has left the conversation.


bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
?!

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
HAHAHAH

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
SHIT

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
he dun wanna save u

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
WRONG ALVIN


Alvin De Cruz, Apprentice CLEO Bachelor has been added to the conversation.


bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
shit man

bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
i added wrong person jus now decruz

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
no wonder dodo went extinct






-.-



Kill me.

Curse the soul whom made me make that call.
Curse the soul whom made me cry.

Drunken stupor.
In the drunken dance.
In my drunken daze.
I saw.
I saw party girls grinding the randy men.
I hear the music.
I sat there, in the seat.\
And I wrote this.

"
It beats.
It grinds.
It bumps.
It shakes every emotion out of its deep slumber.
And it pierced through my very soul.
My very flesh.
I'm alone.
It's how it seems.
"


zelia ♥ says:
why that adrian like so bastard
zelia ♥ says:
bel dont get so upset over him
zelia ♥ says:
u must know theres someone there always for you and its kenneth
bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
i know zelia.
bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
but it hurts so much
bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
it hurts so much, the person in me is alrdy dead. she is alrdy dead zelia
bells* www.brandykisses.blogspot.com says:
i donno how to bring her back.


Deceit.

The dark dark, putrid ooze of lies and more lies.

Friends.

And you would think, there would be more honesty and less pretense.

And yes,

This world, I guess at the bottom of every one's dark dark heart.

Is a battleground of selfish desires and unfulfilled ambitions.

It claws at you, and it brews a deep sense of grievance.

It creeps up your throat and you suffocate as it comes.

It probes you to speak out, to clear the air, to seek answers.

But yet,

As you part your lips.

You know, you've already gotten what you were looking for.

Deep down and stripped bare.

We're all naught but beings of self-gain and self-preservation.


I know, you still do read my blog.

Why?
Why do you do so?

Did you know.
After all that you put me through.

You left me to spiral downhill by my own.
And I've been cut so badly.

I don't wish to speak of you anymore.
To speak of Grace, to speak to anyone or of anyone that we both knew.

These mutual friends.
They watch me crash and burn.
They stood there, their arms to themselves.
While I burn, and burn and burn.

And now, they're suddenly by my side.
And now, suddenly they're my friends.

But what about the past?
Should there be forgiveness?
What about those heartless words?
Those evil evil words and thoughts they feed me with.

What about those scars that they made?
What about the times they cornered me and watch me bleed.

The other day, a friend of mine cried in front of me.
And yet, I felt no emotion.
I felt no pity.
Just a cold sense of practicality.

What have I become.
This pain, its almost gone.
But with it, it took away my compassion.
The ability to smile at this world and forget its ugliness.

Now,
I see this world.
And I see it for how ugly it is, and more.
I look at these people.
And I only see how ugly they are.

What have I become.
My heart.
I fear,
is no longer here.


What is worse?

Knowing a truth, or choosing to live a lie.

Would it make you happier, to walk the lone man's path of ignorance and denial.
Or will facing the stark reality of bitter truth, finally release the sorrows you kept so well-hidden.

From the distant past, till this very present future.
I've walked a long way.
And I have, along this journey I've partake.
Collected a series of hates, dislikes, loves and heartaches.

Songs that he used to like, that he used to play.
It used to hurt me so much whenever it's being played.
And like a cruel cruel joke God likes to play.
These songs seem to plagued the radio stations and wherever i may be.

For a whole 3 years.
I've been playing a roundabout with my own mind, and the very foolish heart.
When the song, "Bu neng shuo de mi mi" came out.
It sang my heart, it sang my sorrow.
The sour sour aftertaste of a mirage of a happiness.

Holding that someone, no matter how long you keep your arms tight around him.
You know, one day, you'll pry your own fingers apart.
And you know, you will take that painful first step backwards.
Even if it means, shredding the heart that has bonded flesh and blood to a heart, that was never yours to claim.

You know you will hurt, you know at the end of the day, you will be the loser.
Yet, and yet.
Love, and all its self-righteousness and nobility.
Kept you drawn, like a moth to a glowing flame.
Blinded and so deeply drugged.
You wouldn't even notice your wings burning away.
You wouldn't even notice how much it had burnt you.
Until that sickening thud that rang through.

You'll lay dying on that fateful spot.
As the bittersweet memories flash before you.
As your blood slowly seeped away.
Soaking your skin in its crimson red.

You'll cry the last tears for him.
You'll cry for the love and life you know you will never have.
And you will cry, like a grand love story with a tragic end.
But then it will hit you.
With your blood-shot eyes and quivering lips.
It will finally hit you.
That, my dear.
He really, didn't love you.


Found some pretty cool videos off the net.

Check it out, all you bored people. =)


Sliced up fish still alive and swimming


Gulper CatFish


My new pet


Bloody Craxzy, she's damn good!


Britney Spears Impersonator

Lastly,
A Britney Spears Fan video.


I LOVE BRITNEY!

And all you haters can go to HELL.
hahaha.

Love,
Belinda


Today?

Is the worst day of my life.

I left poor kenneth alone, just merely half an hour into our buffet at hannabi.
And I rushed off to meet up with my client and his friends together with a girlfriend of mine.

Things, went well, up to the point when his friend got drunk and nearly caused a fight, because he poured a drink on a girl.

It's dumb.
But we ended up splitting ways because the guys got pissed off with one another.
Fine!
I thought things couldn't get any worst but it did.

And so now, I guess, I'll never ever, never ever in HELL, will see this client again!

Oh well, I guess its all fated.

Hai.
Belinda


Emotions awry.

The ignorant remains nonchalant.
The guilty, walks scot-free.
The hurt, lays motion-less.
The heartbroken, continues to bleed.
The dejected stays broken.
The victors scream victory.
The villian carved his mark.
The victim ceased to breathe.


Warning!
Picture-heavy post ahead.



ADIDAS EVENT: THE UEFA EURO TOURNAMENT.

At the side event: Infront of VivoCity Adidas outlet.


The fun has commenced!


Showcases


Extremely HUGE Adidas UEFA EURO Official Tournament Ball!




Stage at Main Event Area


It's early but the crowd has gathered!


Kenneth and the other invited personals having a brief by the organizers.


Checking out the possible competition hur? hahaha


Youngest participant of the day! (Checkout the little sister! She's so cute!)


Spectators having a-go at the consoles.




Lionel, 'National Goal-keeper'.




Team-mates


Kenneth looks like his playing with his younger brother. haha







Tetra LOST 6-0. AHHAHAHAH. =x


Phirr won of course, like duh. -.-


I replaced Kenneth because he left for training, and my opponent was called Mickey.
HAHA, It was ultra embarrassing because I was made a featured match!
I had to ask my competitor which button to press to shoot and pass.
And I nearly own-goal once.
And I gave him more than 10 corner throw-ins.
HAHAHAHA!
In the end, I lost 1-0 to him during over-time.
Phirr said I played good, and that it was a good score.
Ps: Better than Tetra, he lost 6-0. =X


It was an event well-done!
Here's a parting picture of us 4, (excluding kenneth because he was in his FAV place, the toilet.)


From left to right, Eunice, Belinda, Phirr, Wilson.

A Big THANK YOU! to ADIDAS for their invitation to the UEFA EURO Tournament!

I hope all who went down, had as much fun as I did!
HEHE.
Love!
Belinda. =)


GREETINGS YA'ALL!

I'm heading on down to the Adidas Event as of now!
Are you guys preparing to go down yet.
If not, GET YOUR ASS DOWN NOW!
=PpppPpp



LOVE,
Belinda




A GENTLE REMINDER TO:
ALL AVID GAMERS AND PASSIONATE FIFA-PLAYERS!

The UEFA EURO FIFA Tournament held by ADIDAS.
Date: Saturday, 28th June 2008
Time: 12 - 7pm
Venue: VivoCity Adidas Store, East Court & East Boulevard.


How to Participate:

GREAT NEWS!

All you have to do, is purchase $80 worth of Adidas Products from an Adidas store.

The first 128 people who walk into any of the 4 adidas stores
(Suntec City, VivoCity, The Cathay, Cineleisure Orchard stores)
can register for a slot on a first-come-first-serve basis.


AND!

You'll get the chance to win all these fabulous prizes!



Such as...

1. Adidas Customizable Football Boots.
2. The Official Match Ball of UEFA EURO 2008




3. Sony Playstation 3 game console (WHATTT!!!)
4. Vouchers by EA Games
5. Football Jerseys
6. Mini Match Balls

And many many other goodies!



Spectators and passer-bys may also win prizes by answering trivia or playing at the skill station to win prizes as well.

You don't have to be a gamer to be part of the fun!


Come join me at the event this saturday!
I'll be there from 12pm, =)




Love,
Belinda



GOODNESS!

I'm having the mother of all headaches!
I cannot make up my mind, if I should go USA or just settle for Taiwan or even lesser, Bangkok!?

I wanna go USA, but kenneth was saying that its not a wise idea because I wouldn't get to see him much less spend time with him even if I were to go.
And if I went, I know I'll most likely be shopping with Decruz most of the time.
ARGH....

The thought of shopping all that cheap branded stuff is really drawing me there.
And the weather?
GORGEOUS!
This is KILLING me!

The poll currently have 15 people voting for USA, triple that of the other options.
All you suckers want me to spend money right!
HAHA. ;P

Love,
Belinda


Dear Diary,


I feel really sad now.
I forced Phirr to send me our US pics and after looking through them.
I feel like crying!!
AND SCREAMING AT THE SAME TIME.


OH GOD.

I miss my beautiful curly long golden-brown hair.

GIRLS,
let me tell all of you something.

No matter how depressed or HOW upset you are over whatever happened to you.
NEVER EVER CHOP YOUR LONG HAIR.

ARGH,
Now there's one more reason to hate that guy.
HAHAHA!

Love,
Belinda


I have the worst ever possible experience with Jetstar Asia.

Firstly, the website self-proclaimed its desire and willingness to be ever of service to consumers in need of help and feedback through a 24-hour hotline and its own specific email address from each country.
This is great news!
Only if they actually gave us the email address and VALID helpline to start with.

Some bogus or no longer-in-use number was posted under Singapore's column and search as I might, I cannot find the email add to write my enqueries to.

I wanted to ask about their 1 for 1 special. As it seems that there's a minor screw-up with their website.
I was charged for 2 persons' fare even though I selected the dates that was required to qualify for the offer.
So, I woke up at 8a.m to call their office, and guess what?

Turns out that the 1 for 1 special?
It's just a very irritating gimmick.
1 for 1?
To Jetstar, basically means the airfare was $79 each at first and now am only $38.
You still have to cough up the hefty airport tax, etc.
So basically they try to create an illusion that you are saving money that you didn't or am not spending anyway.

Jetstar used to have legitimate and great deals in the past.

But now it seems, all they are capable of providing to us consumers.
Are silly gimmicks to satisfy our need for an offer in purchase.

I'm sure their advertising and publicity campaign department can do better than this.


Disappointed,
Bells.




CALLING TO ALL AVID GAMERS AND PASSIONATE FIFA-PLAYERS!



I had the honor of being invited to be part of the UEFA EURO 2008 TOURNAMENT hosted by Adidas.



Together with National Fifa-Player Mohamed "Xtr3me3" Phirkhan and National DOA Male Player "Tetra" Wilson Chia who are also gracing the event.


Details as follows..



Date: Saturday, 28th June 2008
Time: 12 - 7pm
Venue: VivoCity Adidas Store, East Court & East Boulevard.




How to Participate:
All you have to do, is purchase $80 worth of Adidas Products.

AND!

You'll get the chance to win all these fabulous prizes!



Such as...

1. Adidas Customizable Football Boots.
2. The Official Match Ball of UEFA EURO 2008




3. Sony Playstation 3 game console (WHATTT!!!)
4. Vouchers by EA Games
5. Football Jerseys
6. Mini Match Balls

And many many other goodies!



Spectators and passer-bys may also win prizes by answering trivia or playing at the skill station to win prizes as well.

You don't have to be a gamer to be part of the fun!


SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

COME JOIN US AT THE ADIDAS EVENT THIS SATURDAY!
.
.
.
.
.
.
You wouldn't want to miss out on this,


TRUST ME. ;P


Love,
Belinda



I'm officially suffering from 'FAT-FACE' Syndrome.

Causes of sickness:

1) Too much money to splurge on food
2) Too many buffets for lunch and dinner
3) Too much spare cash for unnecessary suppers.
4) Too much free time = EAT, SLEEP, EAT and SLEEP again.

Side-Effects:

1) Belly-Bulge
2) Goodbye to tight fitting body hugging micro mini tees, shorts and dresses.
3) THUNDER THIGHS
4) Flabby arms *Flap Flap

Does not affect:

1) SIZE OF BREASTS.



End of diagnosis...





This day,

I visited old memories.

Just to see, if seeing them will trigger off another series of pain.
And today, it didn't.

I suppose this bodes well.
The heart, it no longer knows what to feel.

Feelings, its devoid of them.
At least for this one person, it used to love.

Hate? No, there is no longer hate.
Because there are no more feelings to fester into hate.

You are finally gone.





I used to be able to only speak fluent hokkien with broken chinese.
With even worse for wear english.
But it seems now, I've lost all my dialect roots.
I understand cantonese and hokkien prefectly though.
But when I try to speak them, I get tongue-tied.
However, I did realise I managed to speak fluent hokkien when I quarreled with my dad and my grandma tried to interfere.
Cause I started crying and talking in hokkien.
Funniest thing was, I didnt even realise it.
HAH!

Anyway, I'm trying to learn this song just in time for this Friday.
Us cousins having a bonding camping outing.
Haha, so cute right..
=)


Back to my hokkien lessons!
BYE!


Today,

I fell in love. =)))))





Did a Global Launch for Sony Ericsson today.
I was so damn excited about the announcement and unveiling of the new phones, I stood attentively before the stage hanging on to the speaker's every word.
Haha.

Many phones were launched this day.
Took a couple of pictures, but sorry guys.
I left out the much sought after "Shino" or rather the real model name C905 ( 8.1 Megapixel Cybershot Camera with xenon flash).
Reason being, its not THAT fantastic!

ARGH, I was so so so so disappointed.
I mean, it almost had what it takes to melt my heart to mush.
But it left me semi-soft.
Because, its so LAGGY!
And I cannot stand laggy phones.
I'm an impatient, bad-tempered bitch that wants things done fast fast fast.
This phone, will get smashed by me in a week.

But fret not!

There's still much to get excited about.

Behold,

Sony Ericsson XPERIA

Camera: 3.15 Megapixel.


Cris-cross front pad


An Arc Slide, SWEET!

 
Touch-screen, comes with stylus.

Sony Ericsson S302

Camera: 2 Megapixel.


Thunder Grey


Side view


Twilight blue is much nicer, but I didnt get to take pictures of it.


Got this off the net, but it doesn't do justice to it. Hmmm.

Sony Ericsson J132

Camera: Nil


With Radio


Screen doubles up as a torch.

ARMY BOYS REJOICE!



Sony Ericsson F305

Camera: 2 Megapixel.


Sony Ericsson's foray into Motion Gaming.


Slider-phone


Able to play games such as bowling, fishing and horse-riding. Think Wii!

Here's White..



Sony Ericsson C905

Camera: 8.1 Megapixel.


Pictures off gsmarena.




1 of our models showing off the phone.

ok, I really don't have mood talking about this phone because I'm pissed that it sucked.
And I handled it so much today, I'm sick of it.
NEXT!

Finally......

My love. haha.

Sony Ericsson W980i

Camera: 3.15 Megapixel.

I first had a glimpse of it when it was announced under a false name, "Alicia".
Though Kenneth claims that he showed me this phone long time ago cause he thought I'll like it but I said I didnt. HMM?
Anyway, it was love at first sight.
Or first touch. hahaha.


Flip-phone


8GB Internal Memory


Fm Transmitter ( the FM transmitter allowing you to broadcast your favorite tracks. Those can then be picked up by any device with an FM radio receiver in the vicinity.(GSMARENA))




Dual Screen Function.

BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL.

I'm getting you, no matter how much you're going to cost!
HAHA.


I hope I've got you guys excited about the phones already!




Love,
Belinda


I will always love you.
Just for the simplest reasons.

For the very truth, that being with you.
It's being finally at home.

For the very fact.
Being held by you, it feels so safe and warm.

For the very reason.
Loving you, I've finally learnt to love myself.

I love you, kenneth. =)


Just when I mentioned about Singtel taking MMS of girls slacking.
It happened today.
It's a bad bad day today.
There was a point in time today, I felt like crying.
This really strong urge to cry.
Because after all the effort I've put in.
It seems its all going to waste because I'm being sabotaged by people that I used to call friends.
In the cab today.
I couldn't help but feel a huge sense of helplessness.
But the disappointment and fear of failure.
Quickly transcend into resentment, and into a cold cold desire to prove them wrong.

I will not be cowed into defeat.
I will not retreat into a corner, with my head bowed in failure.
I will not give up just because you keep trying to trip me.
I refused to be beaten.
This is not the end, till I say it is.



Zouk, Smoking area.


Everyone's in mid-actions. haha


On the way to MOS.


Glenn couldn't get in, so we got him to wear my dress.


LAUGHING LIKE CRAZY.


Sexy Ticky


I don't know WTH Glenn is drinking. HAHA!



DRUNK.


Sweet!


Erik and his GF.


Finally, Me with the idiot Prasad who finally LOST his shit phone. LOL.


I'm extremely stressed up.
To the point that, I get jutted awake just by all my worrying.
I can't get to sleep in peace!
Hai.
I know Singtel has always be quite particular about girls.
Their work attitude, behavior and etc.
I'm not suprised by how much spying they did on the girls.
Because they've ever took an mms of girls slacking and sent it to an ex-colleague before.
It's just that, it gets really frustrating when you know you've already done all you could.
Stressing to the girls about how important it is to do a good job.
Even with all that nagging and reminding, things still screw up.
And then you'll start feeling very messed up.
Which is what I'm feeling now.

Hai, I feel so choked up, I've lost the appetite even to eat.


=(
Belinda


Cat Pictorial.
Prowling in Mao Guo (Cat Kingdom, near Bedok 85.)


This cat is shaped wierd.


Alien Cat


My fav cat!


Yin and Yang, haha.


No. 1 Most Irritating Cat.


Keep harassing me to take pictures of him, SEE!


Rub rub!


He has the cutest eyes!!


*snores.

The cat from downstairs kenneth's place.

Channeling her inner Merlion!
HAHA!

:)

LATERS!


Date: 18th July
Venue: MS.

Note: This event is only to Invited Ladies.

Full details to be released upon confirmation.


WINEBAR/NANA
After Casting, met up with ticky and audree, went orchard towers to eat thai food.


Quite scary! Alot of ah guas. =x


The girls preparing to go party. haha!


Our new friend, Emiliano Zapata.


Party at NANANANA - GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!


I LOVE TICKY!


Audree loves Ticky too!


With Yi Lin, we were dancing half-way. HAHA.


Another pic with sweet Audree. =)


CIAO!


You know what kind of people pisses me off the most?

Pretentious.
Supposedly self-righteous people that place themselves high up on society's pedestal portraying an image of virginal innocence and "I am victimised" facade.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
There is nothing wrong or sinful about manipulating others for self gain or self-advancement.
We are all merely humans.
Imperfect and ultimately selfish in our own ways.
Least you can do, is be open and honest about it.
If you're doing wrong, go "Yes, I'm a bitch, go cry about it somewhere else".
And not go weeping to someone about how nice you are and how some big baddie rained on your parade when the truth is, your heart's rotten to the core.

It's disgusting.
You don't retain your clean reputation and yet reap the fruits of your evil work and plans at the same time.
It doesn't work that way.
At least not for long.
You can fool others for as long as you try to keep up your fake smile and plastic face.
But at the end of the day.
Your revolting self will be exposed and stripped of all its worth.

In case any of you are wondering what this is all about, it's my Bf's bro new Indo gf thats ruffling up my feathers.
I am so angry, its not even funny.
I can't help it that I'm too observant for my own good.
And because of that aspect of my personality.
The flaws of others sometimes, get so glaringly impossible for me to swallow.
At first I found her, well, rather nice and accommodating.
Even when she started telling Kenneth's mom about how she thinks his bro's biz partner is having the hots for him, I actually sympathized with her.

THAT!
Was before I started to observe how different she acted when she was around Kenneth's mum and away from her, same applied to her bf.
When she was relating all that tall tales to Kenneth's mother, her face spoke menace and yet when she notice Kenneth's brother returning.
HAH!
The switch from menace to sweet docile lamb is record-breaking!
No kidding there.
But then, I didn't bother, because I want no part in her "I'M GOING TO SUCK UP BIG TIME TO EARN MYSELF A MARRIAGE" SCHEME.

Unlike her, I have the advantage of youth, and most importantly I'm not desperate.
Everything will still be ok if she didnt try to be a smart aleck and up her ball game.
SHE, tried putting me down in-front of kenneth's mother to make herself look good.
Actually, She even tried putting kenneth and his bro down as well to make herself look good!
Telling kenneth's mum that her 2 sons didnt care for her.
Or how worried SICK she was cause her bf who happened to have just opened a 3 storey-lan shop slept over at his own shop?
OMG! Indo rats are so huge, they'll bite his balls off while he's asleep!

Seriously,
Are you STUPID or STUPID?
COME ON WOMAN, your boyfriend is a quarter of a century old.
I'm sure he knows how to wash his clothes and wipe his ass after he takes a dump.
Stop trying to empathise the point that "YOU ARE VERY CARING AND MAKE A GOOD WIFE" ACT.
You can fool kenneth's naive (I'm sorry for using that, but its true) mother but,
You're no fooling me.


I had enough.
Actually I had more than enough.
You have officially over-load my "TAKE SHIT FROM BITCHES" CAPACITY.
Congratulations!
The next time you pissed me off, I'll rip your face apart.
And no, I'm not even close to kidding.



And btw guys, I've nothing against Indo people, this is purely personal.


Love,
Belinda


I read my little sister's blog today.

Yes, my little sister, junior by 9 years.
And somehow, I felt saddened after reading it.

Perhaps I'm being too emotional about it but realizing I've missed out on her growing up, because I'm struggling to grow myself, hurts.
And come to think of it all, since early 2007 I've been staying with kenneth and ever since then, I hardly or almost never home.
It's alright with my parents because they like kenneth so much and trust him too.
But when I actually stop to think about how much I'm missing out on my siblings' life.
That I really start to feel and know what it means, when one tells you, "Time waits for no men".

I'll never know how it feels like to have an older sister and yet miss out on all that pampering a younger sibling is supposed to get when you have an elder.
I wonder, how my 2 younger siblings felt, to have me missing from their life.
I'm barely there anymore, and sometimes, the days goes by almost dream-like.
The same old routine and hectic schedule over and over again.
I can't remember when was the last time, I wore my PJs till the evening and ate dinner in it.
Sometimes, life grows up faster than you do.
And there's really nothing you can do about it.

In Life, really.
You lose some and you gain some.
You can grasp at the remaining shreds of your childhood and refuse to grow up.
Or you can clutch whatever little courage you have and brave the storm it brings your way.
Time doesn't wait for you.
You can choose to jog alongside it, or stumble after it in its wake.
The choice is, ultimately yours to make.


Love,
Belinda


Last night, was a sad night for 1 of my good friends.
Wouldn't elaborate much on it.
But it sadden me quite a bit.

After zouk, I went over to Dragonfly with a girlfriend.
And while Zhang Hui Mei's "Ru guo ni ye ting shuo" song was being sung.
She suddenly turned towards me, and started telling me how sad she felt.
Stories, a private.

At that moment, I thought to myself.
"what a coincidence", a song, that used to sing my heart's words.
Is also the exact same tool for others to cry upon.

Strangely, I didn't cry when I listen to the song.
The lady on stage gave a brilliant performance.
And with a crying girlfriend in my arms.
All I could do, was to stare into the crowd.
With that sad smile I sport so often.
The heart seems to search for someone, but it has no idea whom.
All I felt then was a dull ache in my heart.
One that is still able to hurt.

And I said to her.

"There is so much sadness in this world. And you know, if you were to start to cry. You will never stop. So don't start. Don't ever start."

No more sad smiles.

No more sad smiles, Belinda.


Hey guys!
My nose clip from Japan finally arrived, haha.
And Shivonne bought me a vibrator from Japan as well.
Damn funny, we were swinging it around in Astons at Katong just now.
And the table next to us were giving us queer looks.
More evidence that Singapore's sex life is like _________.
People don't even recognize a sex toy when its swung into their face.
-.-

Anyway, I took some pictures of the nose clip I bought.
It's damn lame, I got it off yahoo.
But, this is what people do when they are bored, cant be helped. haha


(yes, no makeup very ugly I know. -.- hahaha)

I'll let you guys know if it works!
=P

Gotta go, I've got an hair appointment tml!
(yes im doing my hair again, =x)


Ciao!

Love,
Belinda


Wild night with Audree, Ticky, Yilin and XiaoWei at WineBar/Nana.



Babe,
We totally should hold more girl outings!!
Miss you Ticky & Audree!


Kane's Farewell (I am going into Army/Hell) Night at MOS VIP.

Mostly Candid Pics, because Charyle loves them candid. haha. =)

The Main Character of the night, with the (I know i'm dead)( and yes he drank 3 flaming Lambos, 2 graveyards, Chivas Neat and Moet Champagne ) FACE.


Into the night, and its time to move your feet!


Love my glow in the dark neon yellow rubber band, but I've given it to ticky cause she liked it. =)










With Baby Kenneth.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Last but not least, a classic drunk face to brighten everyone's days.

"Hi (cocks eyes*) , I'm Belinda and I think I am Drunk.



HAHAHHA, it's so damn ugly but I just have to put it cause its so damn funny!
Everyone needs a good laugh sometimes don't they?
LOL.
=D

LOVE,
Belinda


ok, this is so embarrassing.
My previous entry makes me sound like an air-head.
Drunk people should never write blog entries.
HAHAHA!


I'm drunk.
But it's not a surprise.
I'm able to type though,
But it's really tedious.
Because I can't having to backspace because I'm pressing incomprehensible words.
U guys may properly wonder why there is not any spelling mistakes in my entry as of yet, but its because I'm squinting my eyes to all that alphabets and blogger have this lovely spelling corrector word.
I was feeling sad just now, because they were singing sad love songs. but I told myself,
no bastard is not worth my tears.

Baby Kenneth, I love you.


It's amazing how lame women get when they have too much free time on their hands.
I finally managed to 'un-choke' myself and sent out my last email!
PHEW! It's a huge load off my darn back, I tell you!

Anyway, like usual, I was doing my nonchalant brainless prowling of peoples' blogs.
And I noticed that there's this girl that I know, who suddenly had a middle name!
And I thought to myself, if I were to have a middle name, what should it be?
With that, sparked off my search of a new middle name.....
And these are my friends' responses to my choice of name.

It was supposed to be sweet, because I named myself after my mum, Marie.
But Reuben had to spoil it!!!!

With Reuben
Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
who the hell is laurie marie?

Laurie Marie says:
my new name

Laurie Marie says:
hahaha

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
sounds so feminine

Laurie Marie says:
of course

Laurie Marie says:
i chose it

Laurie Marie says:
i shall name myself laurie marie, marie(my mothers name)

Laurie Marie says:
Belinda Laurie Marie Soon.

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
Belinda Lorry Marry Soon

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
sounds cool

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
Belinda Prolly Marry Soon

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
i like

Laurie Marie says:
wah lao

Laurie Marie says:
u spoilt a perfectly nice name

Laurie Marie says:
i hate you!!

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
NICEEE

Reuben / Kidon @ Long Beach, CA says:
its my job baby

With De Cruz
Alvin De Cruz, Apprentice CLEO Bachelor says:
if that's your new name, im gonna laugh

Laurie Marie says:
HAHAHAHHA

Alexander De Cruz, Apprentice CLEO Bachelor says:
trust me, having really long names isn't a very good thing

Alexander De Cruz, Apprentice CLEO Bachelor says:
from personal experience

Laurie Marie says:
wah lao go away

Alvin De Cruz, Apprentice CLEO Bachelor says:
yah..but then for you..a bit poser leh

Alvin De Cruz, Apprentice CLEO Bachelor says:
at least my mother got excuse to put

Laurie Marie says:
WAH LAO

Laurie Marie says:
wait until i do my nose and eyes

Laurie Marie says:
I come back tell ppl, i mixed italian, dutch and japanese!

With Pingo
Laurie Marie says:
how does Belinda Laurie Marie Soon sound like?

ace pimp 2000 says:
too many 'e' at the end of the word

ace pimp 2000 says:
sound like calamari

ace pimp 2000 says:
haha

ace pimp 2000 says:
just be proud of your name and use belinda soon lah

Laurie Marie says:
NO, MIDDLE NAMES ARE THE NEW FASHION STATEMENT!

ace pimp 2000 says:
haha laurie marie is 2 names

ace pimp 2000 says:
just choose laura

Laurie Marie says:
haha thats why is middle nameSSss

ace pimp 2000 says:
belinda laura soon

Laurie Marie says:
i don wan laura died

ace pimp 2000 says:
belinda coming soon

Laurie Marie says:
WAH LAO

Laurie Marie says:
u are worst than reuben

ace pimp 2000 says:
hahaha



with that the search continues while I lament about the inconveniences of my surname......haha

Love,
Belinda



HAH!
I've been playing poker quite often recently.
Usually, I refused to play it, and disallow kenneth to play as well.
But these days, playing poker suddenly seem to be so much fun, haha!
Was at Stan's place just now in Balastier and we were down $100 man!
Den we were wiped empty on our 2nd buy in, den I told kenneth to buy in a 3rd time.
And told him to sit back and keep quiet so he doesnt influence or affect my decision.
And then the funiest thing happened.
I won back the 100bucks we lost in 3 games!
I even won $14 in overall.
LOL.
I guess I was lucky in a way as well.
But its the 2nd time, I 'fought back' our base and losses for kenneth.
you owe me, baby, haha.

ANYWAY!
Found this really interesting mole intepretation thing online.
Check it out!



Position 1 to 3
As a child, you are somewhat rebellious and a free spirit. You have an innate creativity and work best when you are given a free hand. Generally, your superiors like your avante garde approach to life. If you have a mole here, you are far better off in business and being your own boss rather than working for somebody. What is promising is that you have the luck to be your own boss.

Position 4
You are an impulsive person, often acting with a flamboyance that gives you charisma and a sparkling personality, but you can be difficult when there are too many opinions. You tend to be rather argumentative, but never to the point of holding grudges. This mole tends to give you an explosive temper and should you decide to remove it, you will find yourself becoming calmer and more at peace with the world.

Position 5
A mole above the eyebrow indicates that there is wealth luck in your life, but you will need to earn it and work harder than most people. All the income you make must be carefully kept as there are people who are jealous of you who might attempt to sweet talk you into parting with your wealth. Be wary of those who try to interest you in get-rich-quick schemes. If you have a mole here, it is advisable not to be too trusting of others. Follow your instincts and be cautious. And never allow other people to control your finances.

Position 6
A mole here indicates intelligence, creativity and skill as an artist. Your artistic talent can bring you wealth, fame and success. It also indicates wealth luck, but this can only be fully realized if you follow your heart rather than stick to conventional means of making a living. Success will come if you are brave.

Position 7
Moles under the eyebrows indicate arguments within the extended family that cause you grief and unhappiness. This will affect your work and livelihood. It is advisable to settle any differences you have with your relatives if you want peace of mind to move ahead.

Position 8
This is not a very good position for a mole. Your financial position will constantly be under strain because of a tendency to overspend. You also have a penchant for gambling. The only thing is you must know when to stop. Meanwhile, someone with a mole here has a tendency to flirt with members of the opposite sex as well as with the same sex. Better be a little discerning where you exert your charms, or you might get into trouble.

Position 9
This mole position suggests sexual and other problems. It is an unfortunate mole and you are well advised to get rid of it. It brings a litany of woes and a parade of problems.

Position 10
A mole here just under the nose indicates excellent descendants luck. You are surrounded by family at all times and will have many children and grandchildren. You have the support of those close to you and will be both materially and emotionally fulfilled.

Position 11
Moles here suggest a tendency to succumb to illness. It is a good idea to have this mole removed especially if it is a large, dark-coloured mole. Otherwise use lots of foundation to cover it.

Position 12
A mole here foretells a successful but also a very balanced life. You are likely to be not just rich, but famous as well. But although you have every opportunity to live the high life, you will have a satisfying home and family life as well. Women with moles here are particularly lucky and tend to be beautiful and glamourous as well.

Position 13
Your children will be a big worry in your life. Your relationship with them is not good. There is nothing much you can do about this except to learn some tolerance.

Position 14
A mole here suggests a vulnerability to food which can be a big problem in your life. You may have allergies against certain foods or you may simply be eating too much.

Position 15
You are a person always on the move and constantly renovating and redesigning your house. You like to be introduced to new things and see new places. You are not happy if you remain in one place for long. You enjoy travel and adventure, and have a very observant eye.

Position 16
You need to be careful when it comes to eating, and also when it comes to your sex life. These are your two biggest problems. You tend to have weight issues which can make you depressed. You enjoy romance, sometimes with more than one person, but because you are a person with some morality, you will feel guilty about it and this will cause you much stress.

Position 17
You will be someone of great social prominence. You are active on the social scene and an excellent conversationalist. There is a tendency to become bigheaded about your success, which could lose you your good name. This will affect you deeply because you draw your confidence and self worth from what others think of you.

Position 18
You are a person always on the move. There is a great deal of overseas travel in your life, but you should take extra care each time you cross the great waters, as your mole prefers you to stay at home.

Position 19
You have money luck and many good friends, so this is a good mole to have. Your weakness is that you tend to succumb to the charms of the opposite sex. In your life, it is this that could get you into hot water, so do cool your ardour!

Position 20
A mole here can be very lucky or very unlucky. If you have a mole here, you are destined either for extreme fame or infamy. You have great flair for creativity and are also highly intelligent, but your talents can be used for both good and bad. You are not a person to be trifled with for you are no pushover and do not forgive and forget easily. This mole is a mark of someone who will go down in history either as a great or as a tyrant.

Position 21
This is a good mole, as it suggests plenty to eat and drink throughout your life. This mole also brings fame and recognition.

Position 22
Your life is always happy and things go smoothly for you. You could well become a sports superstar if you have the passion for it. Moles at the end of eyebrows also suggest a person of authority and power, so if you are the CEO of a company, you will do very well.

Position 23
You have a high IQ, and you are both brain smart and street smart. You have a highly-developed survival instinct and will lead a meaningful and long life. You will be active until a very old age and will have friends and family around you till the very end.

Position 24
You will achieve fame and fortune in your young age and you are advised to use this period to safeguard your old age, as people with moles here tend to have a harderlife as they get older.

Position 25
You will enjoy good prosperity and recognition luck, but do be careful of excesses. Stay traditional in your attitudes and you will have a long and fruitful life.

HAVE FUN!


Today,
I gave my cat, LuLu, away.
I'm supposed to be happy because I've finally found an owner, and a good owner at that, for her.
And yet, I feel so down.
I cried when I dropped her off at her new home.
I felt so sad, so so sad.
It felt like I was giving my child away.
And yet I know, she'll be happier there.
She has a huge compound and garden to run around and play with.
Instead of the small room she's been confined in most of her short life.

But still, I can't help feeling sad about it.
I'm going to miss the times when I come home, and see her waiting patiently at the door with those sleepy eyes.
How she likes to irritate me by sitting on my mouse when I'm using the com.
How she likes to mew for the sick of just mewing, with no reason in particular.

I miss those days when she kept me company when I felt so alone.
I'll miss you so much, but its the good for you.
And I really hope you'll be happy.


I'll miss you so much.

TO ALL FREE-LANCE TALENTS AND MODELS.

Date: 12 - 15 June
Time: 12 - 7pm
Brand: Electronic
Venue: Suntec Convention

Interested parties,
Kindly email pictures (at least 4) and full profile details to belindaasun@gmail.com.


some pics to share, =)


Golfpunk Launch (Me with curly hair extensions, Ticky took this =D)


Photoshoot with fisheye







And photoshoot with Willis.


More to come..


Am talking to zelia now.
and somehow our conversation drifted to some girl called bebe and janelle.

I'm not weak, but these triggers, they keep pushing my buttons.
They tip me over the edge of the cliff for just the briefest of moment.
My heart, it still stops for that few painful seconds.
The heart still burns like acid, however small the drop.
Bebe, the song I'm yours and even boxers are triggers.

They turn me so cold inside.
And I can almost see myself snatching back my sanity from slipping back in that dark void of emotion.

Never will I take back the days when I sat below his office just to listen to his sweet nothings to the gf and feel my heart breaking each time he laughs at something she says.

These days, I constantly remind myself to remain focus on my work and ambitions.
Though, sometimes working too hard isent a good thing all the time.
I've been sick for coming 3 weeks, and my cough remains as bad.
Not good not good, =(

Anyway, wanna end this post with something I said to Zelia.



Love.
Bel


Never give all the heart
by W. B. Yeats

Never give all the heart, for love
Will hardly seem worth thinking of
To passionate women if it seem
Certain, and they never dream
That it fades out from kiss to kiss;
For everything that's lovely is
But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.
O never give the heart outright,
For they, for all smooth lips can say,
Have given their hearts up to the play.
And who could play it well enough
If deaf and dumb and blind with love?
He that made this knows all the cost,
For he gave all his heart and lost.


AHH.
GSS SALE and I only managed to get 2 jumpsuits and a belt!
I feel so irritated lar.
It's all kenneth's fault, ask him to wake up, don wanna wake up.
Den end up I'm a few days late, and all the S sizes are gone!
Sobs..

Went out shopping with kenneth today, (finally).
But I didnt managed to find anything.
So we headed over to bugis, to walk walk while waiting for prasad.
And I bought 2 wigs!
Haha, ok i know it sounds damn lame.
But they are actually quite good, from japan ok!
Bought 1 short and 1 long one.
Shall wear them and take photo next time.

=)



M&M NEW MINT CHOCOLATE


ITS DAMN NICE!!!








HAVE YOU GOT YOURS YET?
;)


You.

Go, Going, Gone.


Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I’m trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it’s again my turn to win some or learn some

I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A la peaceful melody
It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i’ma saying is there ain’t no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It’s what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I’m yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A la one big family (2nd time: A la happy family; 3rd time: A la peaceful melody)
It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

No please, don’t complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

No please, don’t hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your’s


ok, this sucks.
I overslept!
ARGH, But mel, ching really not my fault lar.
The clock batt low I think?!
I woke up, saw that the clock was 7 plus so i went back to sleep and it didnt ring.
And the hands remained at 7.15am even though it was 11 plus alrdy!!!!
=x

ANYWAY!
Met felicia at tampines mrt, and we headed over to harbourfront together.
Along the way, we got distracted by the GREAT SINGAPORE SALE but then we didnt stay long because we were afraid mel and ching will kill us. hahaha
Wah lao, and damn embarassing lar.
I didnt even know Sentosa had a skytrain.
Then Felicia kept making fun of me, cause I say we take bus there. -.-

Hahaha, tanning was quite successful today, suprisingly.
Considering the fact that we came so late, (YES I KNOW ITS MY FAULT).
But like usual, I turn red instead of turning dark.
And stupid felicia called me a beached whale because i'm so damn fair.
HAHA!
Then I took off my top to tan because I want to avoid having ugly tanlines.
Mel and Ching took advantage of the situation to poke me and irritate me.
LOL, so i told mel if she were to poke my ass again, I'm going to get up and pull her bikini top off.
"I don't mind exposing a pair of small boobs, in exchange for a pair of big ones."
AHAHHAHAHAHAHA. (Mel is so going to kill me for saying that =x)
Wah lao!
Den when we were walking to the mrt, Mel went to smack my ass damn hard lar.
Den its like one super loud 'piak' sound.
So pai seh lar!
It echoed throughout the mrt passage.
And EVERYBODY stared!
Stupid mel quickly ran away after smacking me, because she know I will kill her.
haha.

HMMMM...anyway fel is leaving for LA tml evening and Dari is coming back SG from London!
YAY!!

PS: FEL. U BETTER BRING A KING'S RANSOM TO LA. IF NOT YOU WILL REGRET IT, (I'M NOT KIDDING!).

haha..

Love,
Belinda


Yesterday was a pretty busy day.
Met fel at my place to lend her some of my dresses for her trip to LA.
Then mel and ching came too, and I forced them to let me do their makeup.
HAHA!
I forgot to take the before pictures, damn!
Because the transformation was pretty good.



SEE! Mel, Ching, the inner beauty in you is screaming to be let out!
MAKEUP, best thing invented, (after air-con and microwave).

After which we headed over to white sands for a late dinner and took a cab down to zouk.
Met Audree, Xuesha, Sally, Evangeline there.



With Sally


With Jean


With Audree


Tml, Im heading to Sentosa with Mel, ching and fel.
Before that we're gonna walk some huge connector thing.
HAHA i forgot wad its called.
Anyway, have to wake up freaking early tml like 7a.m lor!
AHH...better head to bed now.
Wait I overslept, mel and ching will be like.
"I knew it, she cant wake up in time."
HAHA!


Ciao!
Bel


Today, after meeting, i headed over to TM to walk around since it was still early.
Bought lots of stuff and was about to head to mos burger before heading home when I bumped into my friend.
I didn't recognize her initially, cause in her place now, was a woman with a baby in tow.
I felt awkward and i started to talk about everything else and pretended the baby wasn't there.
Until she introduced me to him.
And even though the baby was adorable.
Seeing the baby, tugged at my heart's strings and emotions in all the wrong ways.

Meeting her again, this friend whom was my confidante during the 2005 saga, quickly spiraled my moods downhill.
2 years since i last met her,and the married man she's with.
Has yet to give her the respect of a spouse.
And yet, she holds on and bears him a child.
Is this love?
If so.
Love, is too over-rated.


After we said farewell and parted ways.
I realised I've completely lost my earlier enthusiasm for MOS Burger.
I felt down and so moody.
Perhaps this is wad the lady counsellor meant.
Triggers.
Certain things or people that pushes you off the edge for just that instant.
I quickly reeled myself back in and told myself.
To not wallow in these bad emotions and also to think positively.
Sometimes, self-reassuring works in the strangest ways.


What you don't know, will never hurt you.





You said.
You are a player, a bastard and its all your fault.
That you only wanted for me to be happy.

But,
Is this really your meaning of my happniess.

Or at the end of the day,
What you really meant.
And the only thing that mattered to you.

Was not me afterall.
Was never me.

But your happiness, your enjoyment, your comfort.
Perhaps, it had always been.

I know,
I'm slipping deeper and deeper into my grief.
And the more I try to seek help out.
The deeper I slipped back in.

I tried.
But no one seems to care enough.
No one seems to understand.
And it hurts so much.
The slightest thing can trigger me.

Hearing the words, oil trading.
Seeing certain things and hearing certain words.
And speaking of certain people.

I can no longer hold myself together alone.
I broke down twice in a week.
And I finally understood what it means to shatter.

And I tried to explain the pain.
I tried and tried until now.
I've decided.
I will try no more.

This is no longer something, I can deal with myself.
But yet, there's really no one to turn to.
The only place to go.
Is to withdraw inside myself.
And quietly cry the hurt away.

They say,

"Emotions are only a fiction of an idle mind."

She says,

"Emotions, are the demons of her mind."

What do you do, when crying is no longer enough?
What can you do, when bleeding is no longer enough?
Enough to purge the insurmountable pain.
Lodged deep down your throat and into your heart.

How can you ever live with yourself after what you've done to me?
So sad, so sad.
I feel so sad.

What have you, done to me?





For the longest time, I held you in the highest regard.
And for the longest time, you can do no wrong.

It's this immunity I've appointed upon you.
That has been causing all these heartache.

But like every other stormy day.
Comes a time when the skies cleared.

And now I see,
What good is a man, pussy-whipped to pulp?


You lead your life.
As if all that have passed.
Is naught but a fleeting dream.
Hardly anything worth mentioning.
Not less worth remembering.

Back into the arms of routine.
Back into one who can provide you ample luxuries.
Back into easy privileges and lacklustre passions.

You chose the easy way out.
And why am I not suprised.

It's reached a point.
It no longer matters, whether there were misunderstandings or not.
A man who does not even have the slightest bit of courage.
Or the common basic courtesy granted to even a lesser friend.
To give a proper closure or ending to a story or journey embarked.
Does not demand and deserve respect from me.

Words.
Words after all are merely words.
It can induce a myriad of feelings within you.
It can anger you into actions.
It can reduce you into tears.

But what renders me indifferent.
Is the fact that you,
after all I've been through.
With you, for you and because of you.

This is the ending I'm dealt with.
I had to forge my own closure.
I had to path my own escape.

And I'm not the 1st one.

From all the hearsay.
It only fortifies the truth in my heart.

You do not have the courage to stand up for yourself.
Not less, stand up for us.

Love to you is naught but a game.
A sick sick game you play.





This.
This place is the only outlet of your emotions.
The heart breaks but you smile on the outside.
You cry, but they will only hear laughter.

No one to turn to.
No shoulder apt to cry on.
These hidden sorrows, they come and go.
And they leave you, pale and trembling in their wake.
It's easy to escape them in the day.
But they shall claim you in the night.

That wretched man, is not worth these tears.
Those voices seem to say.
That wretched man, your wretched heart.
Take it back, and keep it safe.

Safe in the hands that you know, will never ever hurt you.
The way he did.

And you will finally see.
The splendor of loving,
and the beauty of love.


YEAH YEAH YEAH,
I've finally hit the big 2
But it really does make much a difference.
I mean come on!
all the people i've met thought i was 23 since I was 16 anyway.
Anyway,
It has been quite a busy week.

With Zee's birthday celebrated on the 1st of May.

Came earlier to help out!


I look like the house-help. haha


Sweet Sweet 18!


Bel, Zee, Jan. =)


And me, partying up on both wed & fri nights,
I must really say...
I think i'm growing old! (and no its not all in my mind. Argh)

Sweet Melvin has been keeping me company, when the awful nights gets too overwhelmingly lonely.
Came to pick me up from work today too, and together with Roland, Guo Jing and Silly Ricky.
Us 5 headed to town to catch IronMan (which btw, happens to be not bad!)
I really had a good time, laughing and having fun.

Ricky pretending to be a ghost. haha!


I want to laugh liao lar!

Ricky and his MooMoo


Look what Ricky's MooMoo is doing. LOL!

Esp with Ricky and Melvin, the 2 nut-heads.
So Thank You for everything!
I really appreciate it. =)

Hmm..
The girls posted tonnes and TONNES of pictures from those clubbing nights.
Wild Wild Nights they were.
hahahaha.
But it's all in the name of fun, the girls' way!
Here goes some!

SANE!
First pic of the night on WED!



Audree, Jamie, Belinda and Ticky!


GONE!!















MOS, Super gone case. wahaha

Followed by candid shots, courtesy of Charyle.



LOL! Kimkoon looks like a lobster.


And this is one happy David! haha

hahaha..

Love,
Belinda


The birthday clock, strikes sound.
Head bowed, you make a wish.
"All I want is to be happy."


Baby, my heart goes out to you.

To you, to prasad, randy, squall, kaya, phirhan and tetra.

Robbed.
Robbed of your dreams.
Robbed of your passion.

Who is this boy?
Who the hell is he to take away all that you've been fighting for.
It pains me, it angers me.

Unjust, blatantly unjust.
It sickens me.

This is not over.
This will never be over for you, Aaron.


Link to Tetra's blog, The Best DOA Player Ever : http://tetrasg.wordpress.com/

More to come as well, (1 out of 5 looks).

There's a throb in your chest.
Your breathing quickens.
You stare seemingly into an empty road.
Seeing in your mind a lone girl standing on the pavement.
A girl, suspiciously looking alike to yourself.

Her face, an anxious expression.
And yet, you sense an underlying current of excitment.
When she finally flags the cab.
You caught a wisp of a smile just before she jumped in.
The cab gradually disappeared from view.

It's late now.
You turn to continue your path home.
and before you, another girl comes hurrying down the path.
And you wonder to yourself,
Where's she's hurrying to in the dead of the night?
She looks tired and yet she's fidgety.
She flags down the next cab that comes along.
And you caught the same smile, you saw just earlier on.

Done now, you resume your passage.
The surroundings suddenly seem so haunting.
So dark and so reminiscing.
You quicken your pace, eager to cover the last few steps, that will take you home.
Just as you make the turn.
You caught a glimpse of a couple locked in an embrace.
Lost in emotions so deep.
Oblivous to the going-ons around them.

And you thought to yourself.
Is this how it feels to fall in love?
Is this what it means to love?

The heart understands one emotion.
Some call it love.
But you call it pain.


I will grow to hate you.
This figment of my nightmare.
Even if it means,carving out the heart that beats for you.





This.
It's like a razor embedded deep into your heart.
Every twitch.
Every twist.
Every tweak.
It bleeds you.
No matter how carefully you maneuver it.
No matter how slowly you extract it.

You know its there.
You know it hurts.
But its so deep inside, its always so easy to hide it.
No one can see through and into you and witness the heartbreak.
Words do no justice to your emotions.
There's no one to turn to.
No one seems to understand.
Not when you are the one to lend that listening ear to.

On the brink of breaking down.
You desperately hold on to the remaining shreds of sanity.
The girl in you is crying hysterically.
Outside, you keep on a straight face.
Blinking back tears, keeping the screams contained within.
No one hears your screams, no one hears your cries.
The heart breaks till it can break no more.

The pain, it claws at you.
It claws you raw, it claws you bloodied.
Drenching you in its sick sick sweet stench of blood.
And slowly, you'll succumb to silence.
And slowly, this pain, it eats into you.
It gets under your skin.
You know its killing you slowly.
You hear a voice but the body remains unmoving.
The heart continues to bleed.

And for the rarest moment you let slip.
And you start to turn cold and shake.
And for the rarest moment you gave way to your emotions in public.
But just for that rarest moment, and then its gone.
Its back to your cold strong self, and the cycle repeats.

But, the day comes when it finally breaks.
And the nights beckon you with promises of sorrow.

The hurt, comes on you in a rush.
It leaves you teary-eyed.
It leaves you painfully awake in the middle of a cold cold night.
It leaves you aching deep inside.
It jerks you awake with a cry.
And the tears, it wells up in your eyes.

And try as you might.
The next teardrop will fall.


I logged in to a com, that I dont normally logged on to today.
And on my msn list, apparently not updated.
Someone appeared.

The sudden pang it gave to my heart then
told me that perhaps afterall.
After all the recovering i've done.
Perhaps I've not yet truly healed.

I stared awhile at the screen.
And look at his nick.
A nick that says, I wanna grow up slowly like a teenager, I need to.
And though it'll sound terribly cliche.
I whispered to myself and to the screen.
Goodbye, Goodbye now.

Everything's going well.
Things are picking up.
Dreams are realising.
Keep holding on, Belinda.

Don't Look Back.


The shopping centre and cinemex at Pasir Ris Downtown East opens tml.
This makes me the happiest person among all the happy people in Pasir Ris.
HAHAHAHA.

WORK
Hectic, but undeniably deliciously satisfying.
Ain't gonna complain or be overly-contented.
Don't wanna have all these disappear.
I've told myself, I'll put my 100percent into my work.
And I'll do it well, the best I possibly can.

Mount E
Constantly having to face the sadness of people ain't such a good thing sometimes.
I understand now why women can break down over a failed relationship.
A love lost or even a child lost.
Can you imagine?
Having to be constantly reminded whenever you chance upon a young child.
Having to be constantly reminded how old your own child would have been.
Having to be plagued by thoughts of how different life would be.
How it feels like to be a mother to a child that is no longer here.
How he or she would have looked like.
And these thoughts, they follow you everywhere.
If this is not enough reason to drive these women crazy, I don't know what is.

LIFE
I've been spending alot of travelling alone.
From training to work and rehearsals.
And along the way, it gave me alot of time to ponder.
About the past, the present and the future.
Things done and said, things that are to be done and said.
The one song that accompanied me these days.
Is one by Leona Lewis, "Better In Time".
I kept playing it over and over again in my music list.
Because, she's singing the words to my heart.
And how often, do you have a song.
That sings out the sorrow in you.


Here it is....
Listen.





Everyone have their own share of fears, pain, saddness, heartbreak and despair.
Some live in denial, others live in the stark reality of the sorrow they have.
Some live through it and emerge stronger, others live through it and emerge broken.
It's so easy to say you understand their story and to feel what they feel.
It's so easy for people like us to walk around this world, uncaring and selfish.
But working at this clinic with my mum, has made me face certain truths of this world that one seldom get to see, not less, to deal with.
The people that come knocking, each of them have their own story, more often sad than not.

Today, I met my primary school teacher.
Not just any teacher from my childhood.
But one that made up one of the happier times.
One whose name and face I actually remembered till now.
I felt so shaken just standing there.
I couldnt bear seeing her in her current state now.
Not this teacher, whose laughing face brought me so much laughter when I was young.
The one who gave me my first pen-pal.
What happened, what happened to my teacher.
What happened to your smile and your laughter.
Why has your smile slipped away.
Her mum was talking and crying when my teacher was in with the Dr.
This lady, almost 70 I guess, shaking and telling us how she wants to commit sucide too.
I just sat there listening, half shocked into silence, half saddened into silence.
I wanted so much to turn to her when we're out of earshot of my teacher.
And to tell her, how much her daughter had brightened my days when I was young and how happy she used to be.
I wanted so much to tell her, that no matter what happens or what life deals you, never never please mention again you want to commit sucide.
But in the end I didnt, I was afraid she would tell her daughter that I recognised her.
Because she told my mum not to tell me anything when she mentioned what school I came from.
I didnt want anything to interfere or affect her current mental condition.

I have no way putting into words what I felt then.
After I sent her to her ward, I sat down by myself and I felt like crying.
My chest felt so tight and I finally know what it means to feel shaken or be in shock.

It really makes you wonder what happened to these people that come here.
It's not about beauty or money or race nor nationality.
People of all walks of life come here.
And with them a new sob story.
Every day I see the sad tired faces of parents whose child is our patient.
And I feel so sad.
This man, who sat outside waiting for his child to finish his session.
His face, he was so tired, tired with what I do not know.
But with him, I see a sense of helplessness, and I feel like helping him but I do not know how.
In the end, I made him a cup of coffee.
A small gesture, but I thought it'll at least help abit.

Today, I helped carried this young girl to her mother's car.
She had to be rushed to TanTockSeng hospital A&E from our place at Mount E.
She had bleeding in her brain, and she couldn't walk on her own.
She was trembling, and she couldn't see.
When I helped her out with her mother on the other side.
I couldnt help but look at her mum and wondered what nightmares she'd gone through.
To remain calm when a stranger like me, felt like breaking down just looking at the poor child.

It's so easy to choose not to see the horrors and sorrows hidden away in the corners of our world.
It's so easy to say you know how they feel and what they're going through.
But the truth is,
Only they will truly see the demons they face in their minds.



Songs like soulmate and big girls don't cry used to affect me quite a bit.
But now, it suprises me that songs like these.
Has finally lost its hold on my heart strings.
And most importantly, it has ceased to stir up emotions in me.
Perhaps, that part of my heart, is dead.

Its a wonder, the many levels of transitions one goes through, in the process of recovery.
How the little things that used to swell with importance.
Dimmed in the wake of a personal tragedy.
How the heart can numb itself against a love forsaken.
Detach itself from a torn that bleeds it.

Every word from the song Soulmate represented my heart then.
From the pain, to the joy, the laughs to the tears.
How would you know what I truly going through.
When all i could do, was paint a pretty picture when I'm with you.
When the tears seem to only come when I'm alone.

Choosing to remain ignorant, does not render me oblivious.
Things that were said, done and hidden.
Grace, she knew.
And yet, something kept her holding on.
Was it love?

But who are we to speak of Love, in all its nobility.
We are naught, but wretched ones searching for a place to belong.
I thought myself in love.
But found myself proven a fool, not once, but twice.
And now, it all seem no more less than a blur.

I spoke of a detailed exposé.
But found myself incapable of answering why so.
Life had moved on, with or without me.
Leaving me stumbling after it in its tracks.
No time left for foolish reminiscences.


I've been having sleepless nights.
And I've decided.
It's time for a tell-all.
with no holds barred.
Next entry.


A few things pissed me off today.

First, it was the msn not working.
Second, the freaking imeem not bloody working.
Third, the dull and irritating ache in my temple.


Doesn't help that I spent the past 2 weeks, coughing, spitting blood in my phlegm and tasting blood in my throat.
I can't even sleep in peace when my body keeps getting wrecked by coughs that seem to come in a chain.
And that's not even the worst part of it.
What sucks is when you've been coughing for almost 2 weeks now, and you seem to be the only damn idiot who is sick in your wide circle of friends, WHO ALL SUDDENLY SEEM TO HAVE SUCH STRONG IMMUNE SYSTEMS.

hahaha!
Yeah I'm EVIL i know.
But wah lao seriously.
All someone needs to do now, is to be sick, and to talk to me or be next to me and...
VOILA!
Belinda's sick.

And what is majorly pissing me off now is the fact that this is a bloody lan-shop.
Which supposedly is HIGHER class than any normal lan-shops because of their exorbitant prices and so..
WHY THE HELL AM I STILL BLOODY LAGGING.
WHY IS MY MSN NOT WORKING.
WHY IS MY MUSIC NOT LOADING.
This place is damn expensive, and yet this is the standard i get.
I mean, they sell a freaking snappel for 5 freaking bucks.
I pay like wad, almost $4/hr.
I am so angry, irritated whatever!
And I'm having a bloody headache.

Goddamnit.
This sucks.
For real.






Sweet Cat Plays - More free videos are here

DAMN CUTE CAN.


Britsh Shorthair and Scottish Fold cats are the cutest things man!
Anyway, heres a really interesting website of kitty cats!
http://www.squidoo.com/catgallery

Check it out!


I'm dressed to the nines.
Yet I've not left for my destination.
Why?
Because I freaking locked myself in!
I left my hse/room key in the room and locked my room door.
I seriously cannot believe this.
ARRRGGGHHH.
So here I am.
Looking stupid, feeling stupid.
And having this insane prayer that my cat will miraculously open the door.


Kill Me.

Charyle and I

Charyle's phone, this Nokia twist-phone is suprisingly apt at cam-whoring. haha.

Anyway, I'm sick again.
Yeah whats new?!
I seriously do not understand whats wrong with me!!
I mean my throat, is so damn painful.
It's not like I binged on heaty stuff, which I did not!
And yet I'm suffering like a bitch.

ARGH.
ANYWAY..
I've embarked on a new campaign this day.
I've taken up to an old hobby of mine.
Vocabulary!
HAHAHA.
I'm going to read, and write and take down BIG words to expand the horizons of my vocab capacity.
www.dictionary.com is my new best friend!

My lastest book: The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber.

I've always had a liking for languages, art and literature.
I guess my recent way of life, has pretty much diminished every single learned fibre in my feeble soul.

I've been in a foolish way.
Obsessing with the frivolous.
Crying over the un-worthy
It's high time, to start re-claiming the life long lost.
And the dreams and ambitions left on hold.

Love,
Belinda

Take me back.
Back to year 2005.
Back to the very day we met.

And this time round.
When our paths cross.
I will walk the other way.

Take me back.
Back to the year 2005.
And this time round.
I will do everything in reverse.


My mind.
I've been having nightmares ever since that chance encounter.
Every night, I get jolted awake by its intensity.
The days after.
Plagued with the many possible possibilities.
Haunted by the past.
Jeered by the present.

Someone here is laughing.
And another is crying.
A million answers to a thousand questions.
But then again,
Does it really matter?

I wish.
I wish I've never tried at all.
I wish I've never met you before.
I wish I've never heard your voice.
I wish I've never done any of the things I did.

Then perhaps.
I'll never know what hurting is.
I'll never have a painful past to speak of.
I'll never know how it feels to scrape rock-bottom.
I'll never have to pick myself from these pieces.

Now,
These wounds, are almost healed.
But I cant help but wish.
Someone would give me something.
To make me forget everything.
Forget ever meeting him.
Anything that has to do with him.
Because these memories.
That I would have fought to keep in the past.
I can't wait to be rid.


I MISS USA.
Actually, more like i miss the shopping larrr.

ESP SHOES!!
BCBG, STEVE MADDEN, NINE WEST, GUESS, ETC.


Drove me utterly crazy.
Hahaha.. i refused to leave the shop even though it was turning late.
Damn..
I seriously miss the place.
I swear, the next time I go USA.
I'll bring a King's Ransom.

You know it's good when I say its better than bangkok.
HAHAHA!


I finally get to rest!!!
IT SHOW i swear is so damn bloody packed.
Seems like suddenly everyone in SG strike lottery so much money to splurge on electronics.
HAHA!

Im having such a hard time using exo's new TOUGHBOOK he had fed-exed over from the states.
All the symbols are in different places!
And it doesnt help that my fingers are fat and clumsy.
I'm having a headache just typing this 2 paragraphs.
But this laptop is so cool!!!
It's so damn bloody small, almost the size of the ASUS one.
BUT!!!
Its costs about $3k!!!!
so expensive lar!
I want my ASUS LAPTOP!!
But SG now only got black and white...ewww?
But Taiwan got all 16 colors liao!
I think I'll get the pink/green/yellow!
Donno see how, maybe get from the states will be cheaper.
HMMM.

I spent my past 3 days playing Wii and Mahjong!
I won everyone in MJ on one night, den i lost to taufan last night!
I feel so cheated, I only sub in for Prasad for 1 feng den I lose 7bucks.
Wah lao.
But its ok because I beat Prasad in every single Wii game!!
HAHAHAHA!
Im the self-proclaimed Queen of Wii!
The Rabbid game is seriously damn funny.
I keep poking the rabbid just for the fun of it.
Cox they keep laughing when u poke it.
It's damn cute, really!
I wanna buy one for my siblings.
But i don wanna be crucified by my mum man! :x
The last time I brought back the psp and dslite, my mum got damn damn pissed off with me.
And poor Ginger and LuLu got threatened. (dog,cat..haha)
But at least Ginger smart, she'll hide under the sofa when she sense danger. lol

ANYWAY, I had my hair extensions re-done.
Took out the curls and replaced them with straight ones.
Looks nicer than previously.
But im still not feeling the short fringe!
I tried to have my fringe extended but the lady refused to do it.
Den i got pissed.
becox i specifically called before coming down asking if they do fringe.
den here i am in their damn salon.
They come tell me they dont do fringe.
WTF.
Sian, now I donno if i shld go back to allen's aunt to do glue-on extensions or wad man.
Maybe i'll jus leave it alone.
Becox the last I did, alot of my fringe dropped man.
Hai.

Women.
And their insatiable pursuit of vanity.


I've been asking myself.
Every so often.
What I would do when I meet this figure of my past.
Would I react in anger?
Would I storm away?
Will I cry?
Will I break down in tears?

I was finally given this test of faith.
And never in my wildest dreams.
I would ever think, I'd laugh.
It was a good thing anyhow.
Cause I did not have that sharp pang of pain I usually get when I see him.

Seeing him again, brought the on-slaught of bad memories.
Its like re-living a nightmare I've left behind.
And I never ever want to feel such pain again.

No one, no one has to hurt this way.
No one, no one should ever be hurt this way.

Never, never again.

My heart,
I suppose,
is almost healed.


A figment of my nightmare.
Have you come to haunt me this night?



FILMING
Filiming Day 3- SICK AT HOME.
NICE.
Damnit. 2008 is turning out to be not that good on the HEALTH side.
Filming turned out to be pretty ok.
1st day was quite traumatising though.
Hot, Sticky, Moody, Tired and extremely irritable.
Lucky thing the 2nd day was so much better, that was until it started raining and they had to re-schedule the filiming to another day.

HAIR
Argh!
I really have to stop this obssession with my damn hair.
I keep wanting to do this and that.
I can never be satisfied!!!!
BELINDA, DONT TOUCH YOUR HAIR.

FLOWER
EEW?
Kenneth's chrysenthemen or whatever u spell the damn flower.
Is invaded or more like completely taken over by freaky red spiders.
It's damn funny.
Because its like, u see this nice pot of red velvet flowers den you walk over to the next pot.
And in your face are the flowers tightly wrapped by spider webs in a cocoon like form.
It's pretty Sci-Fi looking actually.
The first time I saw it, I was like WTF, and jumped away.
I probably should carry out my brilliant plan to save the poor flowers.
SOON!

FISH
I have a new pet!
2 fat goldfishes.
I dont know whats their scientific name.
But its the kind that looks like a ball.
I refer them to ball-ball to the pet shop uncle and he understands me though.
Haha..
Anyway, I was asking kenneth to name his goldfish.
And I told him I'll call mine spot since, mine is generally white with a big red spot on its head and a small one on the bane of the tail.
And guess wad kenneth named his?
Goldfish.
Yeah, my boyfriend is pretty dense in the head.
;)


Anywayyyyyyyyyy....
Gotta go prepare the fishie's new home already.
Till next time!

Love, Belinda



so sad....
I think one of the girls at work passed her FLU to me.
OMG.
I feel terrible.

I dread, the idea of throwing myself back into the mix of girls.
All fighting for one thing, material wealth, publicity, media recognition and big bucks.

I'm sick of putting a price on my face.
Sick of feeling let down by myself when I fail to get a callback.
Beauty.
We should not let it lead or control our life.
On what we can do, what we can achieve in this short life of ours.
No matter how dropdead gorgeous you may be.
There will come a time this beauty fades.
It sounds terribly cliche, but neverthelessly true.

I came into this industry by luck.
I was not like those girls out there, trying to get their face on every magazine, page, spread, news, whatever.
I came out to work becox I bought Ginger, my dog straight out of secondary school.
And working was the only way I could pay back the 1000++ my mum paid first.
I started out being real.
Yet gradually, I had became one of them.
And the worst part was, I did not realise it.

This pursuit of perfection in beauty.
It's a never ending race.

I used to get affected when friends around me.
Friends close or accquainted.
Start appearing on covers and advertisments, everywhere.

But then during my retreat.
I've learnt alot.
And this new closeness I have with my family and grandmother esp.
Made me cherish and replace my obsession with beauty and modeling with other objectives.
Much more important things.
Than things liken to who had more assignments and who was on which cover.

I'm not afraid of hard work.
Even it means to get down and dirty.
I dont mind sloggin for something I believe in.

I want to do something that I can control.
I want to steer my own fate.
I want to forge my own future.
Based on brains and brawns than beauty and superficiality.

Chio right?

Freaky!

My FAV shopping spot!

Seattle's Best coffee joint.

NICE! (Thrash Starbucks!)

Victoria's Secret

To be continued....

Life.
It passes by like any other day without anyone noticing.
How may times do you actually stop to ponder?
Life and its wonders and marvel at the never-ending surprises it brings your way.
Or the many kinds of sorrows it harbours in its depth.

I was never one to deal with life with the seriousness it demands.
But Life with its little ways, has made me see many things I've overlooked in the past.


It's always easy to grovel in self pity, when you've fallen to the lowest of lows.
And those tears, they never seem to cease.
But perhaps, when one steps out and see the bigger picture.
You'll realise, this sorrow, is merely a nick on your skin.
It's nothing, when you pit your pain on another that far shadows yours.
And there's really nothing to cry about.

The road to self-recovery, is long and arduous.
But when the journey ends.
The lessons you'll learn, are irreplacable.


Or more like it rang already, haha. =x
My 3rd Uncle, (the only one unmarried) has finally tied the knot!!
It wasn't much of a grand celebration, but still one to toast to!
We took tonnes and tonnes of pictures.
US 16 cousins, were having so much fun talking and laughing, our grandma's place was on the brink of chaos man. hahaha
Pictures shall be uploaded shortly, I promise! ;P


Anger.
It pretty much dominated my mood these days.
It seems, that suddenly, the world.
It's such an awful place.
And I cant find the slightest bit of beauty in it.

I will get angry with everyone and everything around me.
It got to the point I realise.
I'm hurting the people I love, the people I care for and most importantly.
I'm hurting myself.

When I'm out.
I feel overwhelmed by the slightest bit of noise.
In the bus.
I could even hear the sound of stranger's shoes brushing against the floor.
The bells, the talking.
It rang so loud and clear in my head.
It was a strange hollow void in my head.
And the slightest sound and touch.
Amplified and echoed in my mind and body.
I was overwhelmed.

I would freak out over the slightest thing.
And the wave of anger that comes.
It's uncontrollable.
And at times, it shocks me.

The hardest part of it, was to acknowledge.
That the problem lies in me.
And I could be slipping into depression.

I was always the one who lends the helping hand.
And it's hard now to realise.
The one person I needed to help now was myself.

But regardless of all the obstacles and however huge the hurdles may seem.
I will not be beat.
I will not allow it and I refuse to be cowed into defeat.

The past has dealt me enough pain and damage.
And I will right these wrongs in the present.
There will be a future anew.


Many things have happened since.
Decisions and choices.
I never thought I'll have the courage to make.
and the sensibility to follow through.

And yet, strangely.
I feel a quiet sense of happiness.
Suddenly, it seemed like the tide has calmed.

And for once, I feel at peace with myself.


Eve of Xmas.

After a few drinks too many.

I poured my heart out to Kenneth.



These sorrows, hidden well, but nevertheless, real and existant.

And I guess, what I had needed the most.

Was to really cry it out.

And thats what I did.



The memories of the night is a haze.

But the pain I felt is etched in my mind.

I've never cried so hard in my life.

I remembered shaking with every sob.

And I cried till I grew tired and doze off.



I told kenneth.

Since young, I always had my own ideals of how Love is supposed to be.

And yet, the past few months.

I broke everything and everyone that I had believed in.

and through the wrongs.

I forcefully perservered.


Now, through these wrongs.
I will do right.





Someone within me is screaming.
And I can hear her.
Sometimes, she cries.
And sometimes, its a voice tinged with regret.
At times, its rejoice.
And others, it's anger.

The human heart is an unforgiving mind.
I'm battered and torn under the relentless on-slaught of reprimand.
Flanked by the thousands of "you should have known", and "I told you so".
The never-ending army of "whys" and "what ifs".

There are things that perhaps I would have done differently, said differently and thought differently.
But like every foolish soul, I probably would have commited these mistakes.
I suppose it was only a matter of when.

To speak the truth.
I had expected more.
Not more out of the situation however wrong in others' context.
Not neccessarily out of feelings of love.
But more out of how a fellow person will treat another.

It is not the consequences of my choices and actions that haunts me.
It is my inability to comprehend and truly understand the reason behind your cruelty that kills me.
Where-ever is your heart?
This blood, that runs through my veins.
Does it not run in yours too?

I had stood bloodied infront of you.
Holding my heart that pumps within my palms.
Behind me.
A turmoil of wise, unsupporting and sympathetic voices.
Infront a bed of nails.
And with every step I took towards you.
It bleeds me.

For a moment in the past.
I hated you.
But now,
I would have thanked you.
For hurting me, the way you did.
so I could see this reality the way it really was.

Those tears-filled nights and heart-wrenching moments.
It had forced me to grow up faster than I would have.
It made me appreciate the little things in life.
It made me appreciate happiness.

The mistake I had made.
Was the obession of being in love with you.
But now I see.
I really, don't need you.


To each of his own.
A lone story has a thousand narrations.
A million versions.
Further clarification will only bring about further unhappiness.
Sometimes, it no longer matters who is speaking the truth.
Or the story with whom that matters have.
Perhaps, at another time and place.
I would have fought to address this grievance.
But now, I'm just too damn tired.
I admit, that I have my wrongs.
But the things that have been said and done to me.
Far surpassed anything.
And I will not glorify these actions.
By further wasting my emotions and time on things and people that dont mean shit.



You're so ugly, you're so so ugly.
The more I think about it.
The more disgusted I feel.
And it overwhelms me.
It overwhelms me so.


Foolish Heart,

Didn't you already know?


You said.
You know its all in your mind.
And for once.
You were right.
It's all in my mind.


bells* says:
i guess, sometimes, we just have to let go of things and stop wanting a proper ending to everything.


The first step to this salvation is to start loving yourself.

Take your memories with you, I don't need them.


Is this how we say Goodbye?


Living each day through is already strength in itself
-Felicia









Now.
I've stopped thinking of you.
Wanting to hear your voice.
Hoping, Doing and Going to places.
Wishing I'll bump into you.
It's good.
That things are the way they are now.
Regrets.
Uncountable.
But I will not dwell in the past.
And fret over those regrets.
For I'm afraid.
I may never stop crying.
Walking away.
No one said it was easy.
But the first few steps taken.
Is already an achievement.
Give yourself some credit Belinda.


One day I'll finally forgive myself.
For voluntarily hurting myself.
One day I'll finally forgive you.
For voluntarily hurting me.





Is it just me, or is this website really so freakishly true.


For you, with you.
I dont like the person i had become.
The Belinda with the fake eyelash, the skimpy clothes and the high heels.

That is not me.
That is not who I really am.

I'm glad that I've stopped living for you, dressing for you, yearning for you.
I've learnt the lesson the hard way.
But at least, I've learnt.
And thats what really counts.

Right now, I just want to be me.


Not pretty by others' standards, but its good enough for me.

I've stopped dolling up just to look good infront of you.
Now, I see.
There's more to Life than you.


So this is how it feels.
To finally be able to let go.
It's amazing really.
This feeling I'm feeling.
It's refreshing.
And for the 1st time in a very long time.
My footsteps felt lighter.


Mel, Ching, Dari, Fel.
I know its wierd.
But I suddenly have this strong urge to call all of you out just to tell you guys how much i love you.
I was looking at our grp pic.
And my thoughts drifted back to the memories of us.
Back in secondary school, post secondary and all.
How Felicia slipped and fell when dancing, all the while smiling!
How Lynette smacked her face onto the lamppost while walking and all of us cant freaking stop laughing.
How Ching Lam shouted Fuck You to Supriyah. =x
How Melissa always have the wierdest suitors (Ruzaini/Anand..(HAHAHA))
How Darianne get flooded with gifts EVERY VALENTINE'S DAY.


You know girls, I always thought I was the 'toughest' in our grp.
But come to think of it, I'm quite the crybaby.
I mean like, when something sad/bad happens to us or one of us.
I'm always the first to cry and last to stop crying. LOL.
But I guess it only applies to people I really love and care about.
I think we're super notorious in our school lor.
We're like damn loud lar.
People always say they hear us laughing or talking before they see us.

Hahaha.

They're like, the Dance Girls are coming.
And talking about dance.
Do you remember Shimmerae?
OUR DANCE GRP!
And our Britney Spears's Stronger Dance.
I still remember how ppl will sing that song when they walk past us in school.
It's so funny.
They'll be like "I AM STRONGER than yesterday!".
hahaha.


And Mel, remember in the past, there was once you told to stop talking like this..
"It's like ..blah blah".
Hahaha, I still remember lar, you say I talk very Bimbotic.
And i still talk like that! I'm a Bimbo I know.

Hmmm.

Come to think of it.
I'm quite evil back in sec school.
Always making fun of people and teachers.
My class best lar!
All kinds of shit also can happen.

Like the incident between Mr Bernand and Melissa Tan.
Wah lao, I was just sitting next to her!
And I was trying my best to look as innocent as possible.
HAHAHA.
Mr Chow damn idiot.
He was about to walk into the class liao.
Den he saw Mr Bernand and knew shit was happening.
Den he U-turn and sneaked away.
HAHAHA. -.-

I miss you girls, i miss those days.
I miss the feeling of truly being happy.


It's always easy to wallow in self pity.
To remain stagnant.
Stubborn in the notion of grieving.
Sometimes.
All you'll ever need is one step over the edge.
A lone hard push.
That forces you to step back.
And realise.
Perhaps afterall.
You've already moved on.





I like how I can close my eyes.
And listen to you speak.
And feel so at peace.

But I cant just live for this voice.
It's bleeding me.
In every other way.

You know, I know.
You know its hurting me.
You know it's killing me slowly.

Selfishly, you let me bleed.
Selfishly, you let me weep.
Selfishly, you let me leave.

I'll never understand.
How you can bring yourself to hurt me so.
How can you bear to make me cry.

But at the end of the day.
After I finally stop crying.
I will never look back.

These are not memories.
Reminiscences?
No, I wish I've never met you at all.


You'll finally realise, when you turn around the next time, I'm no longer there, where you left me.


Listen.
Just listen to the song.


They said, you have to love yourself.
And I said I do.
But I wanted him to love me too.
And they replied, if you love yourself enough, you don't need him to love you.
And then it hit me, its true.

I deserve better than this.
No one deserves to be treated like this.
Not me, not any other girl out there.
What wrong have I done to be put into this position.

All that I'm ever guilty of is loving you.
Foolishly, Helplessly, Painfully.


I'm not a fucking trophy.
I have feelings.
I'm made of flesh and blood.
As much as a human as you are.

Stop fucking hurting me.

This pain, this pain.
It's got to stop.
It really has to stop.
I cannot take this anymore.
I fear.
What this sorrow will do to me.
As it slowly devours me.

I can really cry no more.
And yet, these tears.
They just keep flowing.
And I cant stop them from coming.
Can you stop these tears.
Can you please stop hurting me.

This
All these.
It's got to stop.
This pain.
It's gotten so bad.
I feel.
Like I'm dying inside.

If only you knew, all that i'm truly going through.


I'm sorry.
Sorry that things have to be the way they are now.
Sorry that by hurting myself, I've hurt you as well.
Sometimes, i wish everything will be back to the past.
A past, that now, seems so distant and foreign.
I'm tired of trying to make sense of the chaos now.
Tired of trying to piece back the pieces that keeps falling.

I know.
One day I'll look back on this and regret for letting you go.
Regrets for not being grown up enough to return your love.
Regrets for wanting the frivolous and the spontaneous excitement
I will always remember the days.
How we used to be so happy.
But those days, they are no longer here.
And we've got to stop lying to ourselves.
I've got to stop lying to myself.

My mum told me that I will regret.
Doing what I've done.
Last night, I went into the room and cried alone.
She must have been shocked.
Its been years since the last time she saw me cry like this.

It's hurting me, as much as it may be hurting you.
I'm sick of answering to people, my actions, my decisions, my choices, my wants, my heart.

Choices, it has always been about choices.
Decisions, made, however hard, however foolish and absurd.

You said you didnt know me anymore.
The fact is.
I do not know myself anymore.
And I do not know you anymore.

This path of re-discovering Belinda again is not an easy one.
And pulling you in toll, is never fair.
And I'm sick of hurting you.
Sick of being selfish.
I need to be alone.
I hope you understand.

I'm sorry.


why do you have to hurt me this way.
I've never ever asked for much.
All i ever asked for, was for you to truly do what you say you would.
To carry out things you said you would.
Why do u have to let me down.
Why did you hurt me so.


Just another numeral.


I'm a dreamer
I'm a wisher.
I'm a fool.
and its all for you.


i wish you would call.


How does one, give a part of oneself away.


You know what I hate most about my place?

How Freaking HARD it is to get a Freaking cab!

Seriously, because its like, the road infront of my block, is this extremely long straight stretch.
So you'll be able to see if theres any cab coming towards you.
Which is like HARDLY ANY!
Because Pasir Ris, at least my side of Pasir Ris is like damn bloody ULU.
Then its like, you wait until half dead alrdy, when you finally see the GREEN taxi light shinning up ahead in the distance.
You will be so damn bloody HAPPY LOR!
Then suddenly you see some asshole come out from nowhere and flag ur cab away.
WAH LAO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW IRRITATING TAT IS!!

ARGH.

Next time when i buy my own hse, I'm so not going to stay in Pasir Ris.
Seriously.



dont fucking bother


The zouk event yesterday?
Was quite a disaster.
Amanda got so pissed with Dave.
I was quite shocked actually.
Lucky thing, i managed to get her to quieten down before things got out of hand.
I doubt Dave heard anything.
But I got quite a fright.
It didnt help that i could barely walked properly yesterday.
The cracking sound that I heard when i fell yesterday was damn scary la.
It was like, " crakkk crakk".
Then this idiot man, asked me " Are you ok?" while walking past.
He didnt even bother to help me up la!
Now both my ankles are swollen.
Because I was dumb enough to sprain both at the same time.
The right one got it worst though.
I'm pathetic.
Hai.


First Love by Utada Hikaru.
English Translation for the benefit of those who do not know the Jap Language.

Once in a while
You are in my mind
I think about the days that we had
And i dream that these would all come back to me
If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like your memories
How I want here to be with you
Once more

You will always gonna be the one
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Oh, don't say no
You will always gonna be the one in my life
So true, I believe i can never find
Somebody like you
my first love

Once in awhile
Your are in my dreams
I can feel the your warm embrace
And I pray that it will all come back to me
If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like your memories
And how I want here to be with you
Once more
yah yah yah

You will always be inside my heart
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Please don't say no
Now and forever you are still the one
In my heart
So true, I believe I could never find
Somebody like you
My first love
oh oh

You will always gonna be the one
And you should know
How I wish I could have never let you go
Come into my life again
Oh, don't say no
You will always gonna be the one
So true, I believe I could never find
Now and forever


Too tired for me.
Aint too tired for anyone else.
I told myself I will not compare.
I will not allow myself to think about things that I have no control over.
Or no biz in thinking about.
I will not fret over possibilities or impossibilities.
I will not hurt myself over you.


please live for the moment.
at least till i can let you go.


Melissa says:
they love each other for emotional stability, for financial security, for the sheer comfort the routine gives them
Melissa says:



You're afraid.
Afraid of feeling.
Afraid of falling.
And I know.
I know it all too well.
Things you thought I wouldn't understand.
I said I didn't know you well at all.
But now, it seems.
Perhaps I know you better than you know yourself.

You portrayed a look of nonchalance.
If you wanted to make me feel unwanted.
To feel like its hopeless.
You've pressed all the right buttons.
And I guess this means congratulations.
I hope you're happy.

Realization dawned on me.
It's like an understanding without the need for words.
I would have cried in the past.
But now, I'll say its ok.
Maybe, this is the way it was meant to be.
Perhaps my love alone wasn't good enough a reason to have you.
Wasn't good enough a reason to give you the courage.
To take the chance on uncertainty and the unknown.
To take a chance on us.
You think i'm living in denial.
But did you know, so are you.

I'm not one for a lost cause.
Too tired to hold on.
Too tired to put up a fight.
For at the end of the day.
It'll all be for naught.

Perhaps a couple of years after.
We'll meet up over coffee.
And smile about how young we used to be.
And I'll tell you how much I once loved you.
A couple of years ago.
When we were young.

Love, a word thrown around, with no one truly understanding it.


Gamers cry foul over choice of cybergaming national team

Winners at qualifiers not picked for the team, losing out on US$30,000 a year and chance to turn pro

By Oo Gin Lee

PASSED OVER: World Cyber Games 2007 Counter-strike champions Team Titans won again at the Championship Gaming Series on Sunday but were not selected for the Singapore team. On the right is Mr Prasad Paramajothi, 22, captain of the Titans

IT WAS meant to be a dream chance for cybergamers here: the opportunity to turn professional and be paid US$30,000 (S$45,700) a year to play in an international league - plus any prize money they win.

But the local qualifying round of the Championship Gaming Series (CGS) ended on a sour note on Sunday with top local gamers crying foul over the final selection for the Singapore team.
The five-man Titans team, who won the overall Counter-strike game competition; Mr Marcus Choy, 22, who won his Fifa 2007 game category and Miss Goh Sze Lin, 27, who emerged victorious in the Dead Or Alive 4 game were all passed over.

In fact, it was the runners-up - and in the case of Fifa 2007, a semi-finalist - who were selected instead.

Mr Choy said: 'I worked my guts out and played my best virtual football. It's hard for me to take this - it feels like my win amounted to nothing at all.'

It was a particularly bitter pill for the Titans. Despite beating the relatively unknown team XTC, including by margins of 10-4 and 10-5, it was the losers who were eventually chosen for the CGS team. The Titans are currently the national champions.

Disappointment aside, the detail that has got the local gaming community talking is that the XTC team has been officially sponsored by the Singapore Gamers' Association (SGA) since July.
Mr Chris Soh, the founder and president of this association, is also the newly appointed manager of the Singapore CGS team.

This means that he was the one making the final choice on who would make it to the Singapore team over the weekend.
The Straits Times understands that Mr Soh has pumped some $30,000 of his own money into the association.

Also, under the terms of the SGA sponsorship, the gamer or gaming team must pay to SGA '50 per cent of all prize money as received from all approved events and tournaments'.
Said one gamer: 'We just don't know if the person who chooses the final team should also be so involved with one of the contenders.'

Some gamers also alleged that they felt pressurised to join Mr Soh's association.
Mr Prasad Paramajothi, 22, captain of the Titans, said: 'We and other gamers felt that there were hints that we had to join - otherwise we would not get drafted into the dream team to compete in the world league.'

Mr Soh yesterday dismissed the talk of a conflict of interest.

While he did try to get players to join the association, he said there was simply no link between joining up and getting chosen for the major league.

He told The Straits Times: 'The best players are not necessarily chosen for CGS. We look for a combination of skills, sportsmanship and how well the players can carry themselves on TV.'
Three winners in the qualifying round, however, did make it into the CGS team. They are Wilson Chia, 25, (Dead Or Alive 4, men's slot); and Aaron Aw, 27, and Jonathan Lee, 26, (the winner and runner-up for Project Gotham Racing 3, for which two slots were available).
The Singapore team will now take part in the Pan-Asian CGS competition in Kuala Lumpur next month.

Only the top four teams will get drafted and win the US$300,000 contract - which will mean an annual US$30,000 for each team member.
As for Mr Soh, as manager of the Singapore team, he stands to gain a US$50,000 contract if the team qualifies. He also plans to devote more time to the SGA and CGS.

He is currently serving out his notice period as a manager with the Infocomm Development Authority.

Related Links:
www.team-titans.net
http://www.straitstimes.com/Free/Story/STIStory_156724.html
http://www.zdnetasia.com/news/business/0,39044229,62032068,00.htm
http://asia.cnet.com/blogs/geekonomics/post.htm?id=63000519
http://www.thecgs.com/index.php?s=forums&d=topic&id=55161&page=2
http://wire.ggl.com/2007/09/10/50-for-a-spot-on-cgs-singapore/
http://gameaxis.com/home/?blog=1754

A couple of years down the road.
I'll look back at this.
And i'll laugh at myself.


Clement, my 2nd boss, is actually a VERY funny guy
I laugh until i want to die liao lar jus now.
It was one of the few times i actually smiled while walking home.


It don't matter though.


I know.


After everything.
You have a life to retreat to.
A life so familiar to you.
More out of routine than feelings.
And to me.
You are that life.
And when i tried retreating.
I fell back hard on myself.

Wake up..
I would if I could.
I would if its just a dream.
I would if it was as easily said as done.
No one wants to hurt.
No one will ever want to feel the way i feel now.

I know what I'm doing.
The truth is, i know it too clearly.
So i chose to ignore it.
I try to remember only the happy times.
No matter how insignificant or irrelevant it may seem.
or how supposedly mundane they are.
I still day-dream about it.

But I know now.
I've come full circle.
And after everything.
All in all.
I'm back to where I'd started off.
And it hurts so much.
I cant put it to words.

Whenever i'm around him,
I'm speechless and emotionless.
I'm numb.
I cant scream or cry out like how it hurts.
When posted with questions.
I didnt answer.
Don't feel like talking.
Don't feel like moving.
But after he's gotten off.
I'll cry so bad.
I tend to freak out taxi uncles rather often.

If God were to grant me just one wish.
I'll wish for a soulmate.
Just like you.
But I'd wish for him to be made just for me.
And no one else.
And he'll love me as much as I do him.

I like to sit down alone.
And think about the times spent together.
I'll keep secretly wishing for time to turn back.
Not to undo anything or what not.
But to relive each moment again.
And maybe this time round.
I'll hold you just a little longer.
I'll kiss you just a little more.
because it means so damn much to me.

Sometimes I'll just hold you.
And not say a word.
I'll hold you so tightly.
Because I know.
I'll lose what I'm holding so dearly.
Because it's not mine to call my own.
Sometimes I cry in the middle of nowhere.
Because I hear their voices telling me its hopeless.
Hearing yours fortifying theirs.
For you, I'm willing to put in my utmost to care and love you.

But now, i cannot bring myself to fucking hurt myself anymore.
and yet,
you still mean so damn much to me.




precious precious memories.


Even the tortoise downstairs the office attitude me.


I'd rather be loved, than love.


I'm so tired.
So so tired of everything.
I know I look so haggard now.
It saddens me.
Being the vain pot that I am.
=x
Perhaps its time to pamper myself.
Or I'll age so much so fast.
I'll be left on the shelf!
And that wouldn't be a good thing right.

Well, maybe I should just marry some rich man and fulfill my tai tai ambition.

The best advice my mum probably ever gave me, is to marry for money instead of love.
I know its sounds awful.
But just living on feelings of love alone.
It's just too painful.
Too hard and too tiring.
I'm someone I'd say.
Who hates to admit defeat or accept failure.
But when I do, I'll totally cave in on it.

Sometimes in life.
Trying hard and putting everything in something or someone.
Is just not good enough.
And there are times in life
However rare or often.
One has to give up and admit that she has already reached the end of the road.

I once told melissa during Sec days.
That I believe there's this Special Individual.
That God reserved just for us.
And that HE is waiting out there somewhere.

Even at this moment.
I still believe in this notion.
But i no longer believe that there's anything such as a happy ending.
or a fairytale kind of love.
I used to wonder if there really is a particular kind of joy and happiness you can only get with a particular someone.
The answer is yes.
Because I found that particular feeling and i finally understood.
I guess, God has his plans for me.
And everything happens for a reason.
A lesson learnt is a lesson gained.
One day, when the wounds heal.
And the hurt fade away.
Belinda will be stronger again.


If its fine by you, its fine by me.


The past.
I did purely out of feelings.
Out of love.
Out of emotions.
How I can even love someone like you after all I've been put through.
How so, I do not know.
I have given my heart free reign for god knows how long.
Its time to let the mind reclaim the throne.








i really cannot take this anymore.
Im not fucking strong enough to hold on anymore.
I'm not fucking giving up.
Stop breaking me.
Am i not broken enough.


Sometimes in life.
It's not about what you can do.
It's about what you will do.
It's not about what choices you can make.
It's about what you will choose.


I had this really bad migraine today.
I've never ever EVER in my life felt this much pain before.
NEVER i swear.
It seriously hurt so bad.
I was trembling and my body turned cold.
I cried and puked in the cab.
I dont know what brought it on.
All I know that there are only 2 times in my life that i felt this bad.
And this is one of the 2.
The worst part was.
The taxi uncle had the cheek to cheat my money lar.
From town back to pasir ris.
My cab fare came up to $23plus.
And I took an hour odd to get back home.
BULLY ME WHEN IM SICK.
Wah lao.
I didnt even have the energy to argue with him or point out that he's an asshole for cheating my money.
I just paid him and half-ran home.
hai.
I really hate to be sick.


Have fallen sick again.
Like usual.
I used to fall ill at least 3 times in a month.
So this is pretty good a record so far.
Being sick really sucks though.
I totally hate fever and flu!
hai.
Please God.
Please bring me into your graces again.
All i need now is just Love.
And nothing else.


In the recent past.
When friends, close or accquainted.
Asked me, what about him that got me all hooked up.
I replied that its a feeling he gives me.
When i'm around him.
I felt happy
It felt like i could breathe easy and laugh easily.
That life's burdens seem much lighter.
But there's something else that no one knows.
I know its foolish and i'll say it only once and no more.
It is his voice.
It mesmerizes me.
I do not know why.
I'm every inch my mother's daughter.
Falling for a man's vocals.
The feelings I felt and had.
unexplainable, inexplicable
And yet, when i sit back now and think.
I realised that these feelings.
This sense of comfort and security or whatever it was.
They are no longer here.
For how long i've been living in self-denial and uncertainty.
I would have said I do not know.
But truth is I do.
He said she gives him a feeling that no one can give.
At that point of time, I was stumped.
But now, I know what that feeling is.
Its the sense of certainty and security.
The sense of comfort and rountine.
Its like knowing each others' likes and wants, choices and thoughts naturally.
Knowledge and understanding earned through time spent with one another.
I need a man of courage.
Not a coward afraid of change.
I've stopped asking myself why a long time ago.
I've been numb for so long.
It's time to re-claim the life i've so cruelly and foolishly left behind.
In pursuit of an infatuation that burnt the very centre of my soul.
And like every story.
Bittersweet.
It must always have an end.
I've stopped wishing for anything anymore.
Stopped wanting to have a proper answer to anything.
Stopped trying to be noble.
Stopped trying to live for love.
Stopped trying to hide my tears behind smiles in office.

Sometimes in life and love.
Some things are better left undone and unsaid.

And finally, I managed to let go.


I admit that I was a fool for love.
In love with the idea of being in love.
Things that i've done.
Wrong in others' context.
Right in my own right.

All in all, i just wanted to be happy.
And i thought i would be so.
Giving my all, and having none back.
I thought I was capable of unconditional love.
But I was wrong.
I had thought too noble of myself.

I admit i still have all his smses.
I admit that I have yet to delete them.
I admit that i still read them and cry.

Last night, i finally felt the pain.
It finally hit me.
Everything that happened
Everything that I've done.
Everything that I had put myself thru.

And now its clear.
Clear as day.
Clear as the scar on my wrist.

And this will remind me everyday.
The reason for all this heartbreak.

In your page of dots.
Perhaps i was a dash.
But i know.
I will never be that lone line.
In your page.


Its ok to make mistakes


Shit, i just realised I have to wait up awhile more before i can sleep..

Anyway, i just had this sudden random thought to blog about some stuff abt myself.

What I think are the best inventions....

1) AIR-CON! (Best with, but still can live without though! [i'm not a bimbo] -.- )
2) Handphone
3) Microwave (I totally LOVE microwaves, seriously, i use it to cook everything. haha)
4) MAKEUP!

Hmmm. im too lazy to tink liao. hahaha. =x

Tml, i'll do up a post on my loves and hates.
Stay Tuned! (That is if anyone even reads my stupid blog)

CIAO!


I watched this extremely disgusting video on botflys.
I swear its damn disgusting.
Go www.break.com and search botfly and you'll know what i mean.
I tried embedding the video into this post but somehow the link refuses to work.
SOOOO.. go search it yourself. =P

Anyway, I better sleep already.
I cannot be late for work tml!!!



NIGHTS!



LOVE,
Belinda


so damn bloody fucking hungry.


Turmoil.
The heart is in.
Time.
The heart shall need.
Strength.
The heart must seek.


What to say?

That i should have known?

OR i guessed as much?

Or what else should i say?

Maybe nothing anymore.


Zouk tonight was shit.
OMFG.
U cannot imagine how bored Berdine and I were.
We left at like 12 plus la.
Which is the time that the the party mood normally start.

But anyway.
Actually today I also no mood to party.
Fucking Hell.
My face having breakout.
And its been so damn long I had breakout like this lor.
Damn sad.
Must be LULU la.
So dirty.
I spent 2 nights sleeping with her only.
Den my whole face like that liao.
Damn pissed off lor.
Bloody Hell.

Aiya no mood la.

Bye.

I know this is like totally random.
But I came across this picture of my secondary major crush.
And it just clicked it my mind.
That MAYBE.
My sec sch hottie is coming back!
After army almost killed him.
=x

Tat day.
When he said he wasnt gonna go back.
And suddenly when i heard his voice in the background.
My heart leaped.
And i felt like a childish schoolgirl.
And i cant stop smiling.
So i refused to turn.
Infatuation.
Perhaps it is.
Even if it wasn't
It doesnt matter anymore.

What i feel.
What i want.
What i wish for.
What i hope to be.
What im willing to sacrifice for.
What that makes me happy.
It all doesnt matter anymore.


Please stop hurting me.
You are tearing me, breaking me.
You have my blood on your hands.
Can't you see it?
Taking every single part of me capable of loving anyone.
Your subtleties, they're killing me.
I can really take no more.


Belinda just wants to party party party and forget a word like love.
Leave me be and let me live my life.
The way I want it to be.
The way it should have always been.

Just one night, I want to party with abandon.
Let me be.


My heart?
Its in your hands.


Everyone at office asked if i was sick today.
Perhaps i am.
But what they didnt know is this is how i look all the time.
Just because I dont show it and i hide it under tonnes of make up.
Noone knows and noone can see how much im suffering.
And when i come into office with next to minimal makeup.
And ppl see how pale and supposedly weak i look.
They think im sick.
I am, hurting in the flesh.
Both in mind and body.
And it all is starting to feel like a dream.
A nightmare that has no start and no end to it.


I fell down the stairs 2 days ago.
Now I cant exactly walk and move around without feeling this acute pain on my back.
And the right side of my neck is swollen.
God knows why.
I dont know if its due to my thyroid.
Or I sprained it somehow.
All i know is that when i talk, move, turn or freaking drink water it hurts.

It doesnt help that my saturday's screw up is bringing bigger shit my way.
Called the girls involved.
And 2 of them swore they went to work, saying the manager can vouch for them.
So ok, i made all the neccessary phone calls to clarify things on my side.
Sent an email over.
And now, bracing myself for the storm.

I dont know whats wrong with me.
Every day im eating lesser and lesser.
It feels like i ate alot.
But when i look at the food, i realise i ate less than half.
And trying to get myself to eat more makes me want to puke.
And now, i cant even hold the cup in my hands without trembling.

Right now, am in office.
Just sent a couple more mails to the costume shops.
Bugging them to quickly send me back the quotation for the outfits.
Trying to get girls and guys for asiasoft.
Probably gonna try to get the guys from SunnyBoys.
But we'll see how goes.
As for the girls, I think i've got rather good ones now.
So hopefully i dont cock this up as well.
I'm alrdy very disappointed in myself.


Woke up feeling like shit this early afternoon.
Last night, after 2 Flaming Lamborghinis, a few tequila shots and Chivas.
I died.
It didnt help that I was so busy at the shoot earlier on I ate nothing.
And something happened last night which made me go WTF when i was told of it.
I dont even want to think about it anymore.
Its damn traumatizing.
I swear.
I dont know why the fuck it can happen.
EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Someone pls just kill me.

I was damn freaking tired la wan i woke up.
But no choice, had to rush down to Marina Square's PARISS Restaurant to eat.
Cause i promised my mum i would a week before.
AND IT FUCKING SUCKS.
Bloody hell, make me wake up for nothing.
They have the WORST drinks ever.
Crab? NOT NICE.
Prawns? NOT NICE
These 2 also cannot pass, i see liao also no mood to eat anymore.

Then i went shopping and i bought this ULTRA CUTE PINK WEDGES from topshop.


It burned a hole in my pocket but what the hell. =P
The pink is actually like a hot pink. But I dont know why the picture came out wierd.
HMMM.
The height of the wedge is FREAKING HIGH.
HEHE.
I dont know whats with me and pink stuff lately.
Haha.
Just few days back i bought 2 pink luggages from Metro.
They are so damn cute la!
I bought this huge ass dusty pink Hush Puppies luggage and a small hot pink one.
and i LOVEEE it.
But then my mum was like, why you spend so much money buy luggage for what?
Not like you always travel anyway.
Den i was like, "oh.. yeah hor ...."
I think my mum probably thinks I'm an idiot now.
hahaha.

Anyway,
Got to go.
Shall type more laterr.

TATA!


I screwed up big time today.
2 girls didnt turn up for work.
One said that her father got admitted into hospital last minute.
Another couldnt find the location and say that she has taka singtel ppl to vouch that she was really lost.
Initially I was told 3 girls didnt turn up for work, but turns out that there wasnt any deployment for 1 location.
So there were only 2.
But it was bad enough.

The worst part was my fucking phone went flat again.
And this time without me knowing.
And it seriously got me into deep shit.

I quickly replaced it with Stella's battery but it was still too late.
Summer called me and told me he was looking for me.
So i called him back.
And I seriously didnt know what happened because I just switched the phone back on.
And i got scolded when I asked what went wrong.

I know its my responsibility to ensure that I am contactable at all times.
And i'm not going to come up with anything to defend myself for not bringing a charger out.
He told me that i cannot let outside work affect my work.
I know thats my mistake.
And i do put work first before others.
I bring my work everywhere I go.
I even brought it out when i went for the Maxim Shoot today.
I was busy settling the girls' problems until my freaking phone died.
And they seriously have fucking alot of problems.
I've never smsed or called anyone or so many ppl in my life.

I know i deserved the scolding i got.
And i was really sorry that i screwed up.
But his last sentence really hurt me alot.
It was like a tight slap across the face.
It really pained me.

I called Summer to tell her what happened.
And somehow i started crying like a fucking idiot.
The girls at the shoot freaked out.

I really tried to make sure that every thing went as planned.
I called and sms each and everyone of them on thurs.
Called them again yesterday to make sure nothing went wrong.

This morning or rather early afternoon.
All seems well.
Only Lydia called to say she wasnt feeling well.
But after talking to her, she said she'll go down to work.
So I thought all was well.
But I guess i can never be more wrong.

I seriously am trying my best to do the best I can.
I have never been so hardworking on anything before.
I'm trying my best to cope with the drastic change in my life.
From doing next to nothing, to getting my mind screwed up by fucking problematic girls.
And its seriously so hard to hold these girls down with that measly amount that they are paid.
I've already tried damn hard.
But i guess it wasnt good enough.
I know i wasnt being all that responsible for not ensuring that i was contactable at all times.
And i hate being looked upon as being irresponsible.
But i know i was.
I know i deserved the scolding.
But its just that it hurts more when it came from him.
It really hurt me all the way down deep in my heart.
And even when i spoke to flex to explain what happened i could'nt stop crying like a hopeless shit.

I came into this job, thinking that I will be able to cope.
But I guess, I was wrong.


work work work work WORK!!!
It's always about work.
Forever about work.
Is there really nothing else.

I miss you.
But I refuse to say it.
and I don wanna have another.
"Thanks.. See ya soon."

Hai,
Anyway, I did some shopping both yesterday(with Stella & Berdine)and today.
Will update with pictures soon. (for the fun of it)
Watched Rush Hour 3 with Slims and Pingo. (GREAT SHOW)
And spent a couple of hundreds in 2 days. (SOMEONE STOP ME!)
And now?
I'm just too tired to type anymore.
And the more I think about some stuff.
The more sad i feel.

Sometimes i wonder why is it some ppl just cannot be more tender in the way they speak.
Very cool to talk in the nonchalant way meh.
I mean, i know yada yada what the situation is now yada more.
But it doesnt hurt to be NICE WHAT.
=(
And I'll never understand whats the thing about females and love.

Women, an unresolved mystery.

haiiii.... *HURTTTTTTTTS*


I think i'd better sleep now.
Better stop thinking of stupid things.
I've got a shoot tml.
=)

LOVE,
BELINDA.


I am not sucidal.
and i do love myself.

The fact that things are the way they are now.
Is because for once, I am selfish.

I wanted to make decisions and do things.
Not for others but for myself.
Not based on others' feelings.
But my very own.

And NO, i will not kill myself.
PLEASE.
I will not even entertain thoughts of slashing my wrists like those emo kids.
Do you really think that I will try to commit sucide?
Even though at times,
I really do feel like Death itself.

But.
I'm happy the way things are now.
Even though there really isn't much to be so happy about.
But I am.

Whenever a message sounds a tad too cold.
I remind myself of the sweet moments however rare.

I am contented with the little I have.


I can write these feelings in pretty words.
But these feelings are nowhere near pretty.

Its so fucking painful.
And so fucking raw.
I feel so much sorrow.
I cant cry.
And i dont wish to speak anymore.

I cant taste anything i eat.
I cant taste anything i drink.

And sometimes when i laugh at something funny.
It almost feels like its someone else.

I've brought myself down to the lowest of low.
And yet i still love you.

It hurts so bad i can die.


A close friend of mine attempted suicide sometime back.
At that point of time, when she told me about it.
I was shocked.
I couldn't understand the reason behind that drastic action.
Could there ever be a kind of pain.
Great enough to make yourself take your own life?

Apparently there is.

After what happened to her.
I spent time, talking to her.
Counselling her, consoling her.
Telling her that there's more to Life than Love.
There's more to Love than Men.

I can give the best advice to friends.
I can help people out of their misery.
and yet, i cannot help myself.

If you guys are starting to think i'm sucidal.
You'll probably right.
But the thing with me is, I think too far into the future's consequence.
To ever commit such a senseless act.
So now i won't kill myself.
But it doesnt mean I dont want to.

I know there's more to life than this.
I can see it.
From the reasons, to the logic.
To a woman's worth and dignity.
To a young girl's anguish.
To a lover's pain.

I can see it all.
And I know what others are saying.
And what others are thinking.
Don't I have the right to be happy.

The first ever time i threw caution into the wind.
And followed my heart.
Only to crash straight to the ground.

I lay broken.
Torn apart by my own hands.
Dignity shred worthless.
Yet I know.
I have to start piecing myself.
With these bloodied hands.
I'll piece my heart back.
And every shred of dignity left.


The song says it all.

I do not know who I am anymore.
Do not know what to feel.
Do not know what to think.

I do not wish to love you but i do.
You may think i know not what love is.
But this feeling.
It feels like it.

Actions and words said in a bid to stop hurting me.
But will it really stop this pain?
It won't.

For the pain is in me, in my heart.
And this pain, is brought upon myself.
By none other than me.


I FINALLY WON MJ!
wahahaha


What Lincoln say is true.


I'm writing this post in the comfort of a Marina Mandarin hotel suite.
How cool is that!
haha.. i know i damn sua gu.
But the room really damn comfortable and the TV is damn bloody big lar!

Anyway,
I was checking out this GF of mine's friendster profile and i found out smth.
I THINK SHE DID A BOOB JOB.
IM SERIOUS.
I was lookin thru her photos den i chanced upon some of her old pics and i swear her breasts went up by more than 2 cup sizes.
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.
@$#@^$%&#$!@$#~.

I wonder what she did.
*coughs* boob job.

CHEATER!
=x
I also want. eh amanda faster when we going to do.
HAHA.
IM GOING TO GO FOR A C CUP!
how bout you! hahahaha.
oh SHUT UP who say i small size cannot have big breasts.
I wonder if it'll be too hard. HMMM.

This is so exciting.
=P


LOVE,
Bells


I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
I must say, a little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
'Cause I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers
Never giving in
But baby I was wrong
I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

And if we ever said we'll never be together
and we ended it with goodbye
I don't know what I'd do
You know I've been lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
but all I know is
Im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues?
Baby i'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You know that you're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my bed's so cold at night
I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right
No I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever said we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
I don't know what I'd do
You know I've been lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
And all I know is
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now
Make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face

Oh
All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever said we'll never be together
and we ended with goodbye
I don't know what I'd do
You know I've been lost without you


I want to smile.
I want to laugh.
I want to be happy.
Just like how i used to be.

Give me back my laughter.
Give me back the joys.
Give me back my peace of mind.

Give me back my heart.
Whatever that is left of it.
Anyway.


cold cold heart.


This is one of the few periods in my life.
That i really felt that i'm breaking down.
And I really cannot hold on anymore.


It's time, to stop loving you and start loving myself.


I have reached a point.
That words have lost its meaning.
And emotions pale in comparison to the chaos in my heart.
And words are afterall merely words and feelings are afterall just feelings.

It's hard but time will numb this pain.
I know it will.

You just left me hanging there.
I've already said this much.
I've nothing more to say.
I know you're avoiding the whole situation.
so i'll make it easier for you.
I'll walk away myself.


I don't want to hurt myself this way anymore.
I already threw my whole world away for him.
Everything i was familiar with.
Everything and everyone i know.
And threw myself headlong into this feeling.
Took every ounce of courage I had and followed my heart.
And if thats not enough, i've nothing more to give anymore.

Your tomorrows never came.
And we'll see this time.
If your next week will ever come.
But den again,
I'm not holding my breath for it.

Bells


The Mio Tv advertisment is so cute.
This is prolly the first time in many months since i actually sat down to watch TV.
My blog is so having an overdose of EMO.
Yawn.
Perhaps its time to pamper myself.
Who's up for a shopping spree?
=)


I paid for the cab fare crying.
And i couldnt stop crying even after i entered my house.

And yet when i stopped to think what brought on the tears.
The answer came in a jumble of thoughts.

I know that something's hurting inside.
that it hurts so bad, yet i couldnt seem to cry at first.

But somehow, I started to cry without knowing it and i couldnt stop.

It feels like a dream.
Walking, crying, coughing.

I'm living a day by a day.
Desperately clinging on to the little joys i salvaged from this land of sorrow.

I told myself, that its enough.
I don't need anything else.
I don't need promises.
I don't need gurantees.

That i'm contented just being near you.

But i feel so broken.
and i've never felt this broken before.
I dont know what to do.

I just want to disappear.


Why are you treating me this way.
my heart can really break no more.
it really cant.

All i ever wanted was to be happy.
And the journey is hurting me more than i thought it would.
I tried to convince myself that i am strong enough.
Strong enough to persevere.
Strong enough to hold on.
But i can't.

I really cannot take this anymore.
I'm so afraid of being alone in places.
Because i cannot stop crying.
once im alone.

I dread going home.
I dread being away from you.
I dread feeling this feeling.

I'm in such a whirlwind of thoughts.
Its like a thick haze of pain.
I cant find the way out.
I cant find the answer to the questions.

I'm sick of asking why.
I'm sick of trying.
I'm sick and tired of pretending that i'm strong.
I'm sick of crying inside.

Someone pls just take me away.
far away from this pain.


Enough is Enough.


I pushed away the one who loved me.
And cried for the one who doesn't.


Why did i even believe you when you said u had feelings for me.
Why did i even let myself harbour that smallest of hope.
Why am i still doing this to myself.

I'm not good enough for anyting.
Never was.
Never will.


I was wrong.
I shouldnt have entertain that slightest bit of hope.
I've slipped further in.
And i'm starting to fear.
Perhaps i should just walk away.
Perhaps i should have never spoken again.


I do not know what to think and feel anymore.


Sometimes, i wish i never knew some things.
Sometimes i wish i was never at some time and some place.
Sometimes i wish i was blind.
So i cannot see.
So i cannot feel.
and so i will not hurt.


There were 2 girls other than me.
I'm nothing more than a digit that makes up the numeral 3.
Nothing more than a plaything.
Nothing more than nothing.


i dont know why im crying again.
I hate this weakness in me.
I dont wanna be weepy and useless.
I dont wanna be weak.

Pls just go away.
Only you can bring out this side of me.
I'm strong.
i will be strong.
But its so hard.

When im wishing hard for you to be gone, i'm wishing hard for you to stay.


Behind that party face.
Behind that voice.
Behind that laughter.

Lies the core of sorrow.
Lies the tears.
Lies the heartbreaks.

Show me the light
Show me the way out
Show me my salvation.

Tell me what's love.
Tell me what's life.
Tell me what's pain.

Then perhaps,
one day,
one day,
i will hurt no more.


20/07/2007 11.52pm
The night the heart broke.
21/07/2007 12.47a.m
and so the line was drawn.









Heartless man
Heart of stone
Break me not
not anymore

Tear not mine
Dreams of dreams
Heart of heart
Tears of love.

Love me not
Love me true
Love thy heart
Heart thy break

Break me not
Not thy heart
Heart shall mend
mend shall I

When heart mends
Heart shall awaken
Tears shall then
Be thy history.

Till then I
Heart thy stone
Stone shall i
Heartless woman

Stone of heart.
Courage shall be
of my heart
of my soul.





hey guys!

I've got gd news!
U know today at Zouk.
I was proud that i dint even think abt whether ken was there?
Suprisingly though.
Its weird that one can change her feelings or emotions just by one incident?
Hmmm.
I guess, that night, when i made myself so drunk.
Wasnt all that bad an idea afterall.
I mean, after what i heard from the girls.
His reaction and words.
It totally, makes me wonder and ask myself.
Why am i doing this?
Why am i making myself so miserable?
Why am i being such a fool?
Why am i so blind?

My baby, is kenneth.
Its with him, that i feel i can be myself.
I can face him without the slightest bit of pretentious.
Where i can look my worst. and act my worst.

Kenneth is like my heart.
A real, beating, breathing heart.
Its common and normal to want to be with guys of a certain physic and coolness?
But ultimately, its the emotions or rather the HEART that matters.
And i know, that kenneth is someone that i can rely on.
Someone that i know, will love me as much as i love him or maybe even more.

Baby, i know i've been really 'wild' recently.
But pls pls, remember, that at the end of the day.
Or rather, no matter what i do or think.
I will always put our love before anything else.
And i promised this to you.


Love,
Belinda


HEY guys. =P


CHECK IT OUT.
I bought another pair of shoes at $7.50!



I KNOW, its red again. =x





Cute right!
I bought a new bag also.



















I know it looks old, but its not!
I got it from the METRO sale.
When i saw it, i just liked i immediately.
I dont know why man, its WIEEERD.
I think i like it cox its really spacious inside and the side pockets are sufficient.
HMMM.


AHHH. I LOVE SHOPPING. =X

TML, im doing the YOKOGAWA event, and the MM is going to be there!
I'm going to try and take a picture with him!
Its my first time meeting the MM.
I'm so excited!!!!


=)


Better sleep now, gotta wake up very early tml.

Nights!

LOVE,
Belinda


Hey there peeps!

I'm in a pretty good mood today, i wonder why.
Hmm.
Anyway, i jus wanted to come in and blog abt the great bargains i got from tampines again!
Berdine, i know, hahaha, u cant wait to come here and shop as well.

You know, i bought 2 pairs of shoes at $15 only.
NO, not $15 each, but $15 for 2 pairs!!!!



Shoe 1 : I LOVE the Ribbon Design on the shoe.



Shoe 2 : Its really really comfortable.

The shoes actually look better than the photos in here, they actually look expensive!
Which is the whole point i bought them for!
haha
I took nicer pictures saved them in a separate folder in my phone, but apparently it looks like its missing. ARGH!
And no, don't ask me why i always like to buy red shoes.
Hahaha! =x

Hmmm, I bought a black dress too today, at only...........................6 FREAKING BUCKS.

It's damn bloody cheap i tell you.
Better than wad, METRO ClOSING DOWN SALE. *PUI.

I went to take a look today, nothing impressive, too many people and i was carrying too many things.
I lost my motivation to dig for great bargains halfway thru.
I no match for those aunties today.
Haha.

BTW, i got into Miss REEF finals again! =x
Check out www.stomp.com.sg soon for updates,(videos and pictures).
There will be an online voting thingie, for Stomp's Choice of Miss Reef. =)
But its not up yet though.
The Finals are held at Zouk on the 14th of July.
Pls do get the invites off Stomp's website.
hmmm..

Anyway, i'm doing an event on the tuesday, rehearsals tml.
AND, LKY is going to be there!
How cool is that! i'm so going to take a picture with him. =p

BTW, i appeared in an article, in yesterday's The Newpaper.
Its quite retarded actually. Cox i didnt even know there were reporters present at the Boxing Charity Event.
I was quite suprised as there were 8 models in total and they showed my pic!
Haha, I know its silly to get giddy over this minor thingie.
But wah lao, ppl never have her face published in newspaper before can!
-.-

HEHE.


HAI, its going to be a long long day tml.
After rehearsals at 3, i will go and source for uniform.
BUSY!

PS: God, i'm not complaining though, pls do not take ur graces away from me, :D


LOTSA LOVE,
Belinda
LULU the KUKU


Happiness is about finding the little joys in the mundane things of life.



Hey Guys,
I do not know if you rmb this entry. But its damn funny. I had to repost it. =)


14/11/2005

Hi all. This is FELICIA here. I'm typing on behalf on Belinda because she's very pathetic, she does not have the Internet (her dad took away the cable because of her stupid brother). And she's dying to blog. So here I am blogging for her (she's on the phone telling me what to blog now).

This is Belinda speaking now:

Yesterday, I went down to Kallang to work for Coca Cola. It's a damn stupid job la. I was told to be there at 9.30am, gonna start work at 10am, but work only officially started at 3 plus. It was some Shell petrol car competition. But when I arrived, it was also the time for the contestants to leave. So in other words, I sat for 5 hours doing nothing because the contestants were out at a competition. The manager even asked me if I wanted to go Parkway Shopping Centre to shop first while they're away. Like "WTH?!?" I get paid $10/hour to go shopping (wah damn good sia -Fel).

Anyway, after my work ended, one of the Coke guys (??? -Fel) sent me back to Tampines in a while sports car (WAH LAO EH!! -Fel), how cool is that man. I then walked over to Pavillion, intending to use the Internet, but when I reached the LAN shop, the queue was so freaking long. It was then Caecilia called me and asked if I wanted to play mahjong. So I took a train down to Newton and arrived at her condominium at about 8pm. We played mahjong from 8pm to 4am. In the first round, Lennette won like 4 times in a row and in the end she was the only one who won. Everyone lost to her. I lost $15 at the end of all the games, but quite good already la, cause I was initially losing like $36 (chey... -Fel). We then took a cab home. I shared the cab with Duck (quack quack? -Fel) and Jared. The stupid Mercedes driver cheated my money. I tell you arh, never ever seat in a Mercedes cab. The first time I took a Mercedea, a stupid driver gave my change in RUPIAH (LOL! -Fel). It was early in the morning so I didn't really look at the change and just dumped it in my bag. It was only when I got home I realised I possessed RUPIAH. Yesterday we flagged the Mercedes at Cae's house, Newton. It was already a freaking long journey to start with. And I have motion sickness (in other words I get car-sick). We told the driver 3 places: Bedok, Simei, Pasir Ris. First stop was Duck's (quack quack! -Fel) place at Chai Chee. The driver took a wrong turn, still wanna complain that we told him Bedok instead of Chai Chee. So ok, we assumed it was our fault. The second time he took a wrong turn, he clamied he forgot to make a left turn. We ended up going one big round around Simei before reaching Jared's house. At that point in time, I was on the verge of vomitting. When it was finally my turn to reach home, we were travelling past 201E, the bloody stupid driver made a left turn into a Tampines estate. I was so fed up I told him "Uncle! I said Pasir Ris not Tampines!" That asshole said, "Oh sorry arh! I don't know directions." The fare rate was still going at midnight charge and the freaking taxi fare turned out to be $22.

Wah, sibei long leh.

Both my hands were numb and I was feeling nausea when I got off the cab. The stupid driver was SO NICE he gave me a ONE DOLLAR discount off the taxi fare. Bloody stupid piece of shit. He should thank his lucky stars that I was too sick to argue with him. All I wanted to do was to get out of the damn cab.

WCG is coming. It's so exciting. The players from all over the world are arriving in S'pore today and they'll be staying at Downtown East. The lap pool had been closed to the public, exclusively only for gamers. I doubt we would be able to sneak into Downtown East to peek at the handsome angmohs (got boyfriend already somemore -Fel [this sentence I make up myself one]). And there's also the Singtel job, at Suntec Convention Hall for the WCG event. I think it's gonna be quite fun as Clarence and CMAN (... -Fel) are also present at the event, FocusPlay.

Just now I told Fel to give Ken a call to inform him that she will be sending him both Rose's and her photos. And guess who picked up the phone? Grace.

There is a girl in our school that we used to dislike. And her name is Grace, not that Grace, but Grace C**a. I heard from Bel that that Grace is someone is very close to a particular someone. And Belinda dislikes this someone who is close to that particular someone.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
"Dancing... La Mia Vita!"
TJC Dance Night
19th May 2006, Friday, 8pm
Kallang Theatre
$12

Do come for it ok? We're putting in a lot of hardwork for this production. Going back to school 4 days a week is insane. That means we can't really do the things we had planned to do during the holidays because much of our time is taken up by dance. Many times we come for dance practices despite fresh and raw blisters, aching muscles, menstral cramps and splitting headaches. Yeah, that's how much we want the production to be good. So I'll see you all there..

Commericial break over. Hmmm... I think I should be going down to Tampines tomorrow (YEAH! better than using my electricity and my energy to type this out -Fel). I will then elaborate more on a rather sensitive issue. Or maybe more towards a scandalous side. But now, after what I heard from Fel (G***e answering her call), I'm so so disappointed.

Felicia is a very pretty girl and she's a really good dancer so make sure you turn up for her dance performance. And the best part is she SINGLE, READY, and AVAILABLE (hidden meaning: desperate). <-- Bel's way of thanking me, I didn't suggest this. Really!

Will fill you guys in on the details tomorrow. Ciao!

Finally.


Freaking Long Entry Ahead, you have been warned....

I thought i'd do a recap on my feelings regarding ken. So as to remind myself, and perhaps give the readers a a clear story of this issue. Since, blog archives is not available for viewing on this blog.

23/11/2005

KEN
All i can say now is that evrything is better left unsaid. and the past is better off left dead and buried. Whatever happened, happened, whatever im going to say now and try to do is not going to make a difference. Its either i can be a loser and feel sorry for myself, or i shutthefuckup and walk on.
What im trying to say, like what kenneth said, take it as a personal lesson for myself.
Sometimes you have to see the worst of the crop to truely appreciate the best of the crop. I dont care if its just a misunderstanding and he's not as evil as i potray him to be. I dont care if he reads my blog, or that i still have to get my pay from him and return the uniform of singtel to him. How many times in life do u feel like u've been treated fairly or the judgement ppl have of u is just. If what i said abt him here is unjust or untrue, its just too bad. Cause thats just how it seems to look like from my view over here. Whatever the case, all i can say is. I'm bloody dissapointed in myself for being such an idiot in my judgement of ppl. i've made a mistake and i shall not make anymore mistakes any further.
I feel sad for ur gf, she dosent get proper recognition after being together with u for so long and any idiot can see you 2 are stil together, i guess im worse off than an idiot. And so i shall not lower myself any further than i have did so far. Enough is enough, and i've lived in illusions for long enough.
Its time to get out of it.


9/11/2005

But at least, the assignment is over and with that i have no excuse or reason to keep in contact with my manager alrdy. There're are some things in which i regret doing in these past few days. and i asked myself last night, "How broken does one get before they realise they're broken?" It seems like i fail to understand that sometimes we cant always choose things that we want but actually things that are the best for us. And much as u want to tink an angel of everyone tat u meet, truth is, its always otherwise. Regardless of whether it is that of a misunderstanding, i guess it doesnt matter much, now and before.

It hurts to accept the fact that things doesnt go ur way, and things that u've done has consequences yet to come. The past can nvr be amended, but the future is in my hands. Regrets are only for cowards that do not have the courage to start making a difference.

I have a happy relationship, a boyfren tat loves me so much. What more do i want?
I wldnt deny that not long ago, i was wishing that i have more in my life. That i wld be happier if i am with someone else, trying out new things and being around new and different ppl. Not the same old ppl i noe. Just becox he made me smile, he made me happier than i ever was. And i wasnt bored with life anymore. Bt den again, as usual. Things like this come and go, like a passing phase in life.
It is not the memories of those who flitted past u in life that one shld treasure most, but those of whom stayed with u thru different stages of life that one shld hold most precious.

Somehow, now, i've accepted that teeny weeny attraction as a passing infatuation. Shut up fel, who say an attached female cannot have crushes. and wah lao, im only 17 la. so young, i cant even rmb when i had a crush la. Maybe like in sec 2 la. And dont anyone here dare to bring up meldon's name in the tagboard. i swear i'll kill u.
he wasnt fat ok, somemore mel thought he was like the cutest boy in sch den. Dont try to deny it hor mel, i swear u said it la. dari can be witness. =X
And i was saying, i realised i have a tendency to like guys that treat me like shit. Not say dump me here and there. But no replyin my msgs, not answer my calls. blah blah..the more its like that, the more i fall for him. Wah lao, i tink im psycho la. damn sick man, i donno why the hell im such a perverse. The more he reject me, the more i want him. Den when finally, he relented and say for eg, "okie, we'll be just like before" blah blah.. den i'll start to lose interest alrdy.
i'm so glad im not a guy. Or else i'll be such a bastard.

Bottomline is, time waits for no man, women likewise. IF i don start taking the first step and move on, there's no way i can start makin a difference.
And much as i hate to do so, but i have to admit that some ppl are just bastards.


22/11/2005

heys.
bel here. finally.
ive got freaking alot of things to say here, and its so hard to type using the laptop. haii..anwway, better get straight to the point before i forget what i want to write.
here goes..

Sometime back, kenneth andp i decided to give each other some time-off while he's away in Swedan. Because i told him i seriously needed to sort things out alone and ask myself what is it that i want, and i cant do that if im stil attached. i needed to be single. And he agreed to grant me time-off.
(time duration= 2 weeks) (status= single)

Truth is, at that point of time, i fell for this guy i met, ken. He's the person in charge of me den, or u can say he's my manager. He was just so so sweet. when i told him i've got sore throat and the whole freakin suntec have got no chinese medical hall, he brought me honey water all the way from tampines to suntec. hah, funny things is when i tink about this now, it jus hit me that he cld have done this for so many other girls. how cld i ever be so stupid. Anyway, bottom line is i fell for him, quite hard i wld say. because of a bottle of honey water, not diamonds or pearls. -.-)
April asked me what is it that i see in him, and i said i do not know. Fel thinks that im in lust with him. Perhaps i really was, afterall, he's tall and muscular (i tink), he's got 6packs, and he's got big eyes. AND i LOVE big eyes.
I seriously donno whats wrong with me.
Why do i want him to show attention to me.
why do i want him to talk to me.
why do i want to matter to him.
why does his actions affect me.
why he can control my emotions the way he can.
Why is he treating me like this.
Why is he looking at me and treatin me like nothing went on between us, like im a freakin stranger he just met on the street.
why do i still ask why, why do i still want to know why.

and im sick of askin why. So what if i know why, whats next? what difference does it make. i knew what i was gettin myself into. Come on la belinda, he told u that he's got like so many thousand flings, are u fucking stupid or what. You really tot u were different to him den just another girl he wants to fling with didnt u. hah, how naive.
i deserved every single consequence and emotion that im feeling now. I brought all this upon myself and i broke my own heart. i let myself down. im sorry i was blind, and i can never forgive myself for my lack of self-control and sensibilty. I knew better than to go ahead with him, i should have known better.
Somehow it struck me yesterday, that he's such a playboy. and i got so fucking angry with myself for not seeing that before. For throwing myself into it like a giddy teenager. And yet some part of me refuses to believe that he's such a person, where was the ken i first met. long dead and gone.
hah, i donno whether to laugh at myself or cry at my stupidity.
It just sucks to be proved wrong. But i guess it doesnt matter anymore.
How gd is a guy who doesnt make a clear break with his ex-gf and has thousands of flings. Relationships to him is just a game, Love is just a joke.




One more thing guys.

To stella and Berdine,
I'm sorry i ruined your party night at zouk! =(
And i thank you for being there for me.

I have an inkling the coming days ahead are going to be very tough.
Even just now, my moods swing dangerously from its highs to its lows.

At times, i feel happy.
Yet at times, i feel really hurt, sad and lonely.

Its weird.
I guess, all i ever needed or lacked was someone to shower concern on me.
The keyword is shower.

I'm not asking for too much, for exaggerated show of concern. All i'm asking for, baby, is for you to show that you care abt me.
Thats all.
I'm really really lonely.
Sometimes, it hurts.

love,
Belinda


I am damn bloody tired. so this will be a quick one.
I heard some stuff from some ppl who was present that night at zouk.
And i found out about some stuff and words or reactions that he gave when i was crying.

Truth to be told.
I felt this sickly feeling in my throat?
Its like, i almost feel nauseous.

How can a fellow human being treat another so this way?
We all have feelings.
Even as a friend, would you laugh at he/she when she is crying and drunk?
Wld you? Some people would, obviously YOU did.

How disgusting is that?
It goes to show wad kind of person you are.

I'm terribly disappointed in you as a friend.
And i do not care whether you read this or not.
You can jolly well, try to make my life a living hell like you once did before.
I will not be beaten down by you again.
Ever, again.

i'm glad that i had Erica, Stella, Berdine and Chanel taking care of me that day.
Depending on a fucking flirtatious bastard like you, will probably see me lying on some corner of the road.

Seriously, I always looked upon you as someone i cannot trust.
I have no idea why, but i trust my gut instinct.
You do not give the impression that you are serious about stuff.
Be it work or feelings wise.
And you are full of BULLSHIT.

Seriously, there's a limit to how much crap one can take from another.
And after hearing all these stuff from mutual friends?
After witnessing and hearing first hand account of how you flirt with other girls the way you did before with me, almost 2 years ago, makes me feel sick.

I spit on someone like you.
I despise you.
And i seriously hope your dick rots off.

If you thought that night, i was crying for you?...
PISS OFF.
I was merely feeling so sad for myself, to be treated so.
HAH!

Anyway, to end this off.
Let me show you guys a pic, tat stella took of me high and almost wasted.
I look like a freaking ah gua!. =x





And no, LICIA/BEN i didnt smoke!
-.-

Lovingly,
Belinda


The past few nights of saddness and moody days has started to take a toll on me.
I feel so weak and tired, and i keep coughin!
Mus be the stupid accountant, Amanda pass to me wan la! #$@#%@$ %$!

She's damn irritating i swear. i dono why she likes to look at me and laugh.
Today when i walk into the office, wearing a red halter and black tights, she keep staring at me and laughing. Like something on me, is damn bloody funny.
So i just sat there and stare at her, den when she saw me looking.
she was like : " You eat alrdy not?". -.-
I'm like, wah lao. Whats wrong with you.
Everytime i bring food back to office, you always act like you wana eat my food.
The last time even funnier. i never even ask her if she ate alrdy or whether she wanted to eat.
She just turn arnd to me and say, never mind, u guys (summer and i ) go ahead and eat, i eat alrdy.
ARGH.
Seriously, i'm ok with her. i just want her to STOP looking and laughing at me.
I dont think its funny at all.
I mean, even though tat day she was so damn rude to me, i also never say anything lor.
Summer was like practically screaming at her. hahaha. it was hilarious.
Den her facial expression? Pricelss la!

I realise hor, amanda looks abit like ICEAGE the squirrel like thing that keeps chasing the acorn.
She just looks damn wierd, and acts damn wierd. Machiam Alien.
W I E R D O.

Yawn.
You know guys, today when i woke up.
I told myself that the belinda last night?
died last night. and she's no longer here.
I will start this day on a brand new note.
And i will pull myself up, no matter how hard the coping will be.
I know i can do it, and i will strive to achieve wad i tink is the best for my own interests.

I know i probably made a fool of myself tat night.
Crying my heart out like that.
I dont think i've ever let anyone seen me cry like this before.
I think i kind of scared Berdine, and made her cry too. I'm sorry girl. =
Normally, i always cry alone.
Into my pillow, so no one can hear my sobbing. because when its too painful, i cry too loud. haha
and yes im a cry baby.
and im too emotional for my own good.
But well, what can i do.
I'm born like that.

My good friends from secondary school say that i always let my emotions rule my head.
Do i?
Maybe so.

Adrian say that i must grow up as im in the adult world already.
And i know i must, but its just so hard.

A part of me died tat night.
And i doubt i will ever get that part of me back again.

But no worries alright.
mel, ching, fel, dari.
Don worry abt me. i'll cope.

I mean since sec sch i've always been like this.
haha. somehow, sorrow likes my companionship.
Perhaps, i love too easily.
and hence, i become vulnerable.

Sometimes, i'm so tired of being strong.
And i guess last night.
I lost it.
Couldnt put on a front anymore.
Couldnt stop crying.
In a way, i was glad that i cried so hard tat night.
I really held nth back, i guess all the cooped up emotions are finally out.
And i feel more at peace with myself.
In fact, i felt quite happy today.
hehe.

I took out the new GUESS wallet i bought and decided to use it.
Wore my new clothings, my new shoes, my new phone, new wallet.
I felt damn happy.
I know it sounds stupid. haha!
But i truly felt happy.
Almost the skipping kind of happy.
Den amanda had to irritate me.

So i took out my earphones and listen to the FMradio on my phone. :D
I keep pretending i never hear her talk to me. hahahaha. =x
I'm so evil right. I CANT HELP IT LA.

Hopefully, the days will improve from now on.
My life is like a dramatic roller-coaster right.
And the past few days?
I've been scraped raw.
So God.
Pls let my days get better.
I dont want to cry anymore.
I want to be happy.


Love,
Belinda


yu ask me, wad love is , but fact is, i dono.
im even more drunk than before. and yet stil refuse to give up the idea of writing my blog.

Fact is,we had a history. and no matter wha t happpened in the past, its the past
no matter if i cannot accept it now
i will definietelt be able to do so soon.
and i know i will.
i know alot of ppl read my blog.
but so wad.

i love my bf.
but sometimes fun and excitement controls ur mind.
But at the end of the day,
Love is was matteers the most.
and loving.
is all about mny baby kennethh.

LLOVE
Belidna


hmm.
I was initially very happy tat i had a company, and office and people i can call my colleagues.

It was so much better off than working with girls just one time, and meeting at another event by chance. And when others asked how you met, u almost want to say she's a colleague. But fact is you only worked once with her.

It's dumb how you can spiral up so fast and perch on cloud 9, and yet have it disseminate in a matter of minutes. Before you know it, you'd already crashed to the ground.


Tell me,

How long does it takes to the very next heartbreak.


The human heart and mind, is so very interesting.

The minute before, you are lost in turmoil.
And yet the very next moment, a single news can give you renewed conviction.

I believe everything happens for a reason.
And so far, Life has been treating me real good.


LOVE,
Bells


i'm not having a change of heart.

Why cant you see and feel the way i feel.
Transitions.
I'm going thru a transition in life.
I'm faced with so many hurdles to jump across.
Why do you have to trip me.
Why do you have to make me fall.

Relationships.
Love.
Why don't you tell me what is it all about?
Because i'm disillusioned.
And it hurts.

Friends lost, found and lost again.
Why do i still bother.
I don't want to wallow in self-pity.
But all these emotions are over-whelming.
And its suffocating me.

I can't breathe, I can't feel.
I can't see, I can't love.
I can't cry and I can't scream.
Even when it hurts.

Who are you, and what are you.
I'm not confused.
I'm just numb to everything around me.


I just came back from Zouk and am having a bloody headache.
I probably shouldnt have even attempt to write my blog.
But what the hell!

Pls do not mind if some words are misspelled or do not make sense. haha!
BECAUSE I AM HIGH!
Anyway.. when i was at zouk just now, i met the almighty Indian, PRASAD and JAREDTAY.

Today when i came home, after Zouk, I was really proud of myself. To myself, i thought it was a great feat that i had resisted temptation even though i was so damn bloody high.

Somehow, i knew what was right and what was wrong, what i wanted and what i needed.
And i made the right decision.
Yet, when i told kenneth abt this so called accomplishment.
He jus brushed me aside, and said if i wanted to go, just go.

It really broke my heart.
And all of a sudden, it just made me feel that.
WTH.
if he doesnt care, why shld i bother so much.


LOVE.
i'm so very disillusioned with you.


I'm sick of only having myself to fend off this cruel cruel world.
I'm tired of having to go through transitions in life all alone.
I want support, emotionally.
And out of all the people in the world.
I wanted yours the most.
Why do u have to let me down.
Why.


Its like an obsession.
Obsessed with the progress of one's career, obsessed with that of others.
Consumed by the desire to surpass the peers.
Eaten alive by dreams and hopes way too big.
Brought down by disappointment
Let down by the bestest of friends.
How do you know if you've hit the lowest of low.

Its like being reborn.
To start from scratch, right from the start.
If i can do it once, i can do it again.
I will build myself up.
And i will become stronger than i was before.

I see you making new friends
Smiling that bewitching smile for the camera.
And yet, its no longer pain and sorrow I feel.
It's disgust and the clearest of realization.

Year 2007 was very unlike Year 2006
2006 had been a year of work.
The best yet.
I've been booked, job after job, back to back.
2007 had been awfully quiet.
And yet, i feel I've had accomplished more in this half of year.
Not job wise, but as a person, emotionally and mentally.

Friendships lost, Friendships earned.
Lessons learnt, Life goes on.
Sometimes, i marvel at God's Works.
He seems to know the best for me.

I used to resent this drought I'm having now.
But I no longer feel that way.
Everything happens for a reason.
If I had been as busy as 2006.
He knows I will not be able to be there for a friend, so dear.
And if given a choice.
I would have given the job up for this friend of mine.

Ever since I came into this line.
I grew up alot.
I thought God was done with teaching me lessons of Life.
But I was wrong.
He made me believe that he gave me a best friend.
Be it at work or out of work.
And I embraced that friend.
Then He had to reveal her for the Devil she is.
And made me learn the hard way.

At times, bad times, low times.
I felt so alone, terribly alone.
But now, i no longer feel that way.
Thank you, felicia, melissa, ching and darianne.
For always being there for me.
Every step i take in life, I know you guys are walking by me.
When i fall, i know you girls are at my side.
And when the next teardrop falls, i know you girls are there.
Crying with me and holding me.
Ever so unconditionally.

Its ok to fall.
Its ok to cry.
But when its time to move on.
Pick yourself and walk on.

Our Friendship is Forever.

friends are friends forever.

2007 is turning out to be blessing in disguise. ;)

with love,
belinda



Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Romania around the year 1325. Your profession was that of a leader, major or captain.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
It always seemed to you that your perceptions of the world are somewhat different. Your lesson is to trust your intuition as your best guide in your present life.

---

Do you remember now?



Wanna know yours?
Visit http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/ now.


I'm terribly exhausted having stayed up the whole night slacking with Kenneth and friends.
But i just had to write this now, because this realization is quite life-altering.

After this while of struggling within myself, self-denial at times, self-pity at another. I've finally realized that I do not need to bother myself overly with friends lost or found, made or gone.
I may have lost Janice, Jamie and Zelia as close friends and also Vaune as a very good friend.
But on 2nd thoughts, and a deeper understanding of my needs and wants.

I realized, that friends however good such as Zelia or perhaps Vaune when times were good, are no longer something that i need or seek.
Perhaps its something that i want to happen, but ultimately, its just something that i thought i would like, i thought would be good for myself.

I asked myself den, if zelia, jan, jamie and I were as close as before, what next?
Will i bother to take out time, or leave time out for them? To meet them?
Will I have the enthusiasm such as theirs, to run around taking pictures, laughing gaily or do i know seek different things in life as compared to them.
After all, an age gap of 2 years is not as short as it looks or sound.

The answer i came up with was no.
Actually i knew that when i started to become closer to Vaune.
I thought she was someone i could really be good friends with.
I was pretty sure in the beginning, but as we got closer, i realize we were, Alas! not as compatible as i thought we would be.

And after all that turmoil, loneliness and picking up of one self.

I've learnt.

Life is beautifully cruel.

Only the toughest survive the battle of everyday life.
Be it at work, or emotionally.
Depend on no one, but yourself.
Believe no one but yourself.

At the end of the day, after the tears, the hate, the anger and the happiness.
Be it a rainy or sunny day.

Your family, will be the only people that will unconditionally love you, and support you.
Their love for you runs in your blood as it runs in theirs.

And now i know.
I had always regarded exo, reubs and slims as Kenneth's friends and had always refer to them as his friends.
And yet, i realize now.
These are the people I'd chose to spend my time with.
They are as much as my friends, as they are Kenneth's.
And these friends, I know i can rely on, be it emotionally, moral support or seeking words of wisdom or advice.

I have friends. I always had them, and yet i did not see.
And they had always been here for me, keeping me company, making jokes, sharing movies, slacking and basically just making my day (or night =x).

REUBY, EXO and SLIMI! (the old men) =)
Thank you for being my friends, all these while, my silent pillars of strengths.

And kenneth,

Thank you for loving me, and sharing with me everything good that you have in your life.
Words are merely words, and my feelings run too deep for description.
I love you so much baby.


LOVE;
Belinda


can you hear my friend?
Its the sound of my breaking heart.

Seriously, wad were you thinking man! I'm sure you can do better than that!

Dickhead?? My primary school sister can come up with better words than you, HELL, i tink even my grandmother can do better than you.

HMM. OR are u really renny? are u sure u are not jasper or maybe cheryl? o.O
haha.
How obvious can u get man.
they are like the only ppl i made fun of for years.

Anyway, why wld some stranger come here to my blog(which noone goes to), read an old post abt someone they "dont know about" and get pissed off.

Seriously, "renny", get over yourself.

love, belinda

PS: on double take, that pic of me does look like a dickhead. hahahaha, an uncircumcised one.

and you probably look like my labia.

It's funny how life likes to fool around with you.

It seems like i'm fated to meet her wherever i go, be it at work, for auditions or photo shoots.

2 days ago, i went for an audition near novena, and i was just standing there chit-chatting with maybelline and her friend and guess who walked in?

She.

In my mind, i was like, GREAT. I cannot believe that out of the 3 days of auditions, we still managed to bump into each other. I mean what are the chances man. I said "hi" to her though, but she tried to pretend she didn't know me.
At that point of time, i felt hurt.
In fact, i felt stupid also that i was affected by her pretense and presence.
I was so bothered about it, that i decided to sms her how i feel today.
It's strange that she didn't bother to reply that sms, or also, her behavior at the audition.
Because i kept my feelings to myself and did not tell her my unhappiness, yet she pretended to not know me in my face.

And then out of the 10 formula unas, i had to be in the grp together with her for the Torque/maxim shoot.
Talk about bad timing, and ultimate awkwardness.
The tension between us is smoldering.
And i seriously hate seeing her, because it makes me upset.
I'm so used to running to her, standing next to her, making funny faces and cracking stupid lame jokes that having to give the aloof look and cold posterior makes my heart weep.

Whenever, i feel happy or sad or see smth interesting in the past, she'll be the first i call. And talking to her makes me happy, we always laugh when we are together, it was so much fun.

I really do not know when the relationship between us changed

Perhaps she no longer regard me as a friend, and instead, someone who is in the same industry as her, as a competitor.

Somehow, it made me all the more steadfast in the belief that she's really that kind of person.
Perhaps its the truth, or perhaps its misunderstandings after misunderstandings piled up upon one another.

I will never know.

Love,
Belinda



MEL, CHING, FEL, DARI.

I was reading all my past entries way back into 2004 and suddenly i felt this wave of sadness.
I miss you guys so much.
You guys are a huge part of my life.
The little however mundane stuff we did in those years we were such good friends molded me into what i am now.
Please lets hang out soon.
This fake fake world and harsh working life has eaten me inside.
I've became a hollow shell of a person.
I need laughter in my life again.
i need you girls.
=(


bloody stupid blogger, fucking write one whole long post, tell me server error? fuck you.


As i was saying.
At the photoshoot yesterday, when Janice and I were in the bathroom together.
She suddenly turn to me and say, "hey you know i met Jasper and his GF at Cafe Del Mar sometime back, and his GF is taller than him la!".
Hahaha! That must be Cheryl. I mean i know its Cheryl.

Being the very KAPO self that i am, i went to check out her friendster! hehehe.
And guess what i saw?
This couple very loving wan leh!
Even though the guy so much shorter!
Eh, shut up la! Height is not an issue ok, THIS IS TRUE LOVE.
I can totally see the love in the photos.
She trying to act all so SEXY, and he acting ALL so COOL.
The key word here is "ACTING".
HAHA!
Some people just dont have it, its so sad.
I just realised smth, most of the pics are taken with them lying down.
A few were taken supposedly standing up. But i wonder how come they look of the same height in the pictures?
Hmm.
ORH i know liao.
He standing on a Stool!
hahahaha. im so smart.

Ehh, you dont know ppl's GF MISS ITE leh.
Must be damn CHIO to be able to win MISS ITE RIGHT?
huh? NO MEH?
hahaha. =x

The last time, when he couldnt outtalk me, he started to use the loser tactic of "trying to bring the other party down thru "cruel" personal attacks and mind-fucking".
HAHAHA!
But did u seriously think i will take comments from a good for nothing rich kid seriously?
The answer is NO!
He told me not to join any more compe because i will never win!
Thanks for your advice sweetie.
But i don't give a shit about what you think about me.
You can take your thoughts and comments and stuff it up your ass.

=)
w/o love.
Belinda


I'm a fool.
in every sense of the word.
Why do i still care, and why do i still look at you.
I don't even recognize you anymore.
I don't want this pretty girl that i see here.
This girl with the doll-like perfection.
This girl with the red lips and little nose.
Where did my friend in you go?
Where have you taken that girl to?
I want the friend who wore specs out to orchard.
The girl who doesn't give a hoot about what people think about her.
If you see her, somewhere, where ever you may be.
Tell her to come back.
Please, just bring her back.
I dont wanna hurt anymore.


2 days ago, she msged me on msn. Asking me yet again, if a particular someone called me. I replied that i didn't know because i had slept the whole day away. And she actually asked me to go check my call logs. Fine. So i did, and den i replied, "oh no, i didn't receive any calls"
And once again, she replied :" oh, ok, nothing den"
And when i probed her, she just said :"job lor".
Seriously, if you have no intention of SHARING anything, even though it would probably be the 1st time you shared a job with me, den just shut the fuck up and don't tell me or ask me anything.

Terrence told me that he knew me, he just didn't have my number.
Even today, you lied.
You came to me and said he told you he didnt even know who i am.
Come on, what u didnt know was i spoke to terrence before you came to work, he knows who i am.
If you had been more of a friend and had the intention of sharing this job with me, you would have asked him or reminded him of me. Just like what you said you would do, the first time we met Terrence. You said you would call me if he called you.

Incident after yet another incident.
Only make me all the more sure, that you are what everyone said you were.
And its scary.
To prey on someone's friendship and true love as friend, to better yourself and gain things, be it monetary or emotionally.
Why do you have to lie, time after time again.
You do not practice what you preach.
You have no right to speak the God's name.


How does one know, if the end, is really the end of the road.
Where does one draw the line, between friends and soulmates.
And when the day comes, when you claim you bared your soul to me.
How am I to know, if its your heart i'm seeing, or if its a facade you wanted me to believe in.
Is it really saddness in your voice, is it really ignorance in your mistakes.
Or is it another pretense, another predator preying on my vulnerability.
When tears flow, and my emotions rupture.
There is no beginning and end to regrets and heartbreaks.
When will my sorrows end, and this pain cease.
Will i ever know, if its no longer pain i feel.
If this is how scary the world is, i will never want to grow up.
I want to remain young and playful.
i want to go the malls and take tons of pictures.
I want to laugh at stupid things and do the wierdest stuff.
I want to make funny faces with my girlfriends.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs and live my life dangerously.
I want to fall in and out of love.
Theres a hundred things i want to do with you, with you guys.
I wish i could turn back time and bring back all the memories.
Even if it were to relive nightmares buried in the past, i believe, its all worth it.
Please,
Take me back to how i used to be.


14th April
The photoshoot i did for Ying (inthepink) was pretty good i would say.
Out of the 3 grps of photographers, i like the 2nd grp the best.
I think they were the most fun out of all.
Really enjoyed the shoot with them.
The photos came out not bad as well, they so trashed the shoot i did for Jooann(menopausable), the pictures from that shoot was horrendous man. It was a rather tiring day for me though, after the photoshoot ended at abt 11.40a.m, i rushed down to town for the singtel event thingie.

i was feeling so damn sticky la! and i hate feeling that way man! -.-
Anyway, luckily Ian offered me a ride! if not, i would not have make it in time. THANKS IAN! =)

jus some thoughts
A day after the F1 trip, i quarrelled with kenneth over smth small and stupid.
In the midst of the tears and heartbreak, out of habit, i nearly called her.
It came as such a natural, seeking solace in her.
And yet, i suddenly remembered I no longer have her there, or perhaps she was never there.
It was painful, finding a void in your heart, a place that was once filled.
Sometimes i wish, things didnt turn out this way.
Kenneth was right, I caused myself all this pain.
I made her my only friend, I called her my best friend.
Perhaps it had always been one-sided. I really have no one to blame.
Its just that sometimes, i still wish you were here.
Stupid as I am, i still wished things were still the same.


Anyway, my birthday is coming, this coming 4th May!
I was thinking of booking a big chalet and decorate it into like some club. HAHA! we can party the night away!
What do you guys think?
ideas ideas??
=)


Love;
Bells


I lost my best friend.
Someone whom i trusted, someone who i cared about, someone whom i actually gave a damn about to go through all that trouble to get jobs for her, or to even ensure that she has one.
And all these while, i had never once took an agent cut from her.

What do you do when you realize that the whole friendship was built on lies, and everything that you have once thought you knew, and the person you once thought you know, turned out to be the stranger you never understood.

What do you do, when its really the end.
When all the words spoken before, all the jokes and laughter disintegrate into nothing but a mere facade.

How could one tell such blatant lies, one after the other. Taking advantage of the friendship one shared with another for her own selfish gain. I will never know, and will never understand.


I cried enough for those days, and perhaps it is a blessing to discover this sooner than later.
Before worse harm can be inflicted onto myself.

And yet sometimes i wonder,
Does it hurt more to know the truth, or to live in the darkness of lies?

disillusioned.
belinda



I've been waiting to upload my truckload of photos, but unfortunately i fell victim to the horrible Flu Bug just days after i'm back.
and up till now, i'm still down with flu, even though i feeling much better now. THANK GOD.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you guys this website that i chanced about just now.



Last night, daddy was talking about how ah gong could see those spirits when he was being hospitalised couple of years back. How he said he was afraid and wanted to go home, because seeing them scare him so much.

Today when i was preparing to go for my audition, i suddenly recalled about this little incident my dad told me. And suddenly i'm overwhelmed with this wave of saddness.

How i wish, grandfather was still here alive. To meet me now, to meet my future children.
Death is such a scary thing.
i cannot even bear the thought of ever possibly losing anyone else close to me.
His death had been back when i was in primary six.
And yet the loss, the pain of it, is still so raw.
So real, and feels so recent.
When will one ever get over the death of a loved one.
i will never know.


I'm crying, crying to a song that had no biz in causing me tears.
Crying hard to news that had nothing to do with me.

Mel, it breaks my heart to see you in pain and in confusion.
Perhaps in denial but most definitely in sorrow and heartbreak.
I cannot tell you how happy i was when i heard news of you having a boyfriend.
All throughout those years in secondary school.
You never really had any serious relationship with any of the guys in school.

And when i was thinking about it, a thought suddenly flashed through my head.
Perhaps now, perhaps now you understand what was my pain.
Perhaps now, when you finally got a taste of how badly one's heart can break.
Perhaps now, you will know what i mean, when i wrote those words, so so long ago.

Those words that went this way,

I stand before you
and yet you do not see me
my eyes shed no tears
for baby, i am bleeding within.
Crying naught for the boy I've lost
But for the man I've loved.

Perhaps being in a relationship that had more happiness than sorrow had made me forgotten how it feels like to be treated badly, to be hurt emotionally.

I want so much to comfort you, to rid you of your fears. Those feelings that one have when a relationship is about to fail. I know how it feels, i had my fair share of them.
But i also know, that no matter what words of comfort i were to offer, ultimately its up to yourself to pull yourself up again.
And i know you can.
It's going to be nights and more nights of tears.
But trust me, when this is over, it'll only make you stronger.
trust me.


love bells.


NOTHING WENT AS PLANNED!

Poor belinda woke up this morning with a splitting headache.
And when i say "SPLITTING HEADACHE", i mean it in every sense of the word.
The pain, i tell you, was so excruciating.
I felt like someone was cruelly squeezing my brain, twisting it inside out.
And no matter how you toss and turn, the pain remains, unwavering and so very painful!

And that was not all!
I had this strong wave of nausea and i could almost feel the bile coming up my throat. Every step i take, every breath i make, brings me closer and closer to the brink of puking.

So, i had no choice but to stick my fingers down my throat and proceeded to puke my guts out.
Worst part was, when i was done. i spat out blood!
Which is so damn scary la.

But i can tell you, vomiting has got to be one of the worst things that one can ever have the misfortune to do.
Other than fever. that is.

And i didnt go for the audition as well. But never mind.
God knows i missed out on smth today and he gave me another!

I received a call from the management of Sentosa and i'm asked to be in their next AD CAMPAIGN.
Which is WAY COOL. wahaha. i hope i can meet my friends there, esp sarah and juraime.

Anyway...

Today's the first day of kenneth's studying. Tml's the 2nd. followed by 1 last day of chionging. and March 1st will be Baby's Last Paper and Course Chalet.
Me on the other hand, am going to work tml. At Hotel Intercontinental.
Before that, i'll be meeting vaune and Zelia for Dinner. After work, most likely head home.
Wednesday, go gym, preparations for this sat's shoot for Sentosa.
Den maybe go Zouk with Vaune, berdine and Stella.

Oh shit, i jus realised though. Kenneth is going to be out the whole day on Thursday. And i'm all alone again.
Hai... Donno why nowadays he always having all these class gatherings.
Maybe he's out visiting GIRFLFREN number 2.

SAD.
Bells.


Its funny how you look back at old photos and somehow, your old crush or supposedly one-time true love looks so different from the sweet sweet memories you have of him.

I was browsing through friendster when i came upon Xuany*u's account and decided to click on it for the sake if it. Not really expecting any new updates, since he never seem to ever do that.
When i realized that there were new RECENT photos ended, i was rather surprised.

What greeted me, made me pause for a moment.

NO, i wasn't disturbed by the lovey-dovey pictures of them, like one which shows them making a heart-shape with their fingers.


Sweet.
Its how different he looks now, as compared to the vision i have etched in my memory.

DAMN! Where did that cute little freckled nose go!
I mean, in my memory, he's always the guy with the sun-tanned skin, the little freckled nose, the crooked smile with that little tilt of his head, whenever he looks at me, or waved "HI!".
And how his eyelids turn slightly red after a long day of VBall training under the scorching sun.
Even now, THAT image of him i have, still manages to make me squirm a little inside in girly excitement.

He has instead evolved into something like this.


Army has ruined my secondary school HOTTIE!

I'm not saying its UGLY. I'm just saying its DIFFERENT ok!
AND! Looking kind of like Kenneth's Brother is not exactly a very good thing, or smth to be proud of.
Even the cutest picture i could find of the LATEST him is a mere shadow of my vision!

Its weird how army make someone fat when its supposed to produce soldiers.
Even my cousin, who had 6 packs before he entered army, came back with only 1 pack left.

Unfortunately, i do not have any pictures of him back in secondary school days.
Or else, u guys can make a comparison and see for yourself.
HAH!

*ALL photos taken from friendster*


***************************

Anyway, moving on....

Sian, the next 4 days or so, its going to so damn boring.
Kenneth will be busy studying and i'll be so damn bored.
I've only got an audition tml at novena, work tues from 6.30-8pm.
Maybe, i'll visit the library, catch a a horror flick or go home and terrorize my siblings.
We'll see how it goes.
Hai, i'm starting to miss home alrdy.
If only, my maid doesnt cook such AWFULLY-tasting food.
It would have been perfect.

LOVE;
bells





Valentine's Day is tml, and i'm working. How fun can my life get!



Hey all!
Yesterday was FUN!
Went to SPA with Zelia and Vaune at vaune's country club.
hahaha.. went swimming, steam room, jazuzzzi and sauna. *sweats*

Den we went to eat at Hans, which left Vaune complaining about how bad the food sucks and how her gym earlier on had gone to waste.
And she kept on saying so loudly that she'd rather eat popcorn or whatever shit in this world than the plate of horfun that she ordered from Hans.
Hahaha.. its damn funny la.
Zelia and I were so afraid the stuff will hear what she say and scold us or smth, becox she was saying it so loudly!

o.O

ok, Anyway.
Its going to be like 4 boring days for me this end of the week.
I've got work work and more work.
Yes yes, i know.
Got no work i complain, got work i also complain.
Wah lao, i very whiny cannot ah.
Sian..

MONEY MONEY MONEY.
so very important. hai.

Bells = $ . $ (money face)
Until my bangkok trip.

Its time to CHIONG all the way, work hard, earn money so no need eat grass!
-.-

LOVE;
bells



Dragon & Rabbit

Your mutual respect for each other makes your relationship a good, enduring match. Rabbits respect Dragons. You also have strong physical attraction for each other that keeps the passion fires burning brightly. Your sensitive bunny withdraws into a moody silence that frustrates you to no end when you disagree. You can charm him or her out of it however. You score high marks financially.

Rabbit & Dragon

The Rabbit needs security and affection and will withdraw when this balance is threatened. On the other hand, the Dragon is an adventurer, driven by challenge and excitement. The Rabbit may feel that he or she is losing control, since it is hard to keep track of the Dragon and even harder to elicit the regular reassurances that the Rabbit needs. However, the Rabbit does admire the Dragon's confidence, and he or she is happy to retreat into the background when the Dragon takes the limelight. The Dragon can also be an attentive and charming partner but this is not consistent enough for the cautious Rabbit, who may eventually be forced to confront the Dragon; when this happens, the Dragon should try to respond gently to the Rabbit's emotional needs.

This is so freaking true.



When words are no longer enough

It never cease to marvel me, what a gem Kenneth really is.
And how lucky i am to have him.


Anyway, baby's being rather stressed lately.
The desperate want of achieving the many things in life, the need to change can be a tad over-whelming.

Anyway, ive got smth to relate.
I'm not being evil, neither am i being biased or bitchy.
But i would think someone of that age, way past the 21 yr old mark to possess a certain level of maturity, responsibility and respect for others.
At the very least, your parents.

I am only 18, and my mum already expects me to bring home money to help out the family.
How old are you? and yet you have not brought in a single fucking cent.
If your monstrosity was only that, its still not THAT bad yet.
But no, unfortunately not.
Fuck, you don contribute to the family.
You wanna come in here act big, act like you fucking own this damn place.
You practically climbed over your mother's head, sat there and shit on her head.
Have you no respect for the woman who went through 9 months of painful labor to bear you.
When i recall the time you told me that this is your house and you can get me out of the house.
It only fills me with anger, anger so great, you can never imagine.
If i did smth wrong, fine. i deserve it.
But no, you are the fucker that was in the wrong.
Just because you have no other fucking excuse to use or to back yourself up.
You wanna threaten me with that?
You're a pathetic excuse for a human being.

Just becox your mum is too kind-hearted to take any drastic actions against you does not mean you can continue such ways.
You don't abuse your own mother like that.
I have a bad temper, and flare up very easily.
But at least i'm humane, and unlike you, i know who i owe my life to, whom i should respect and care for, love and look after.
Have you bought anything for this woman, who cooked, iron and washed your clothes for you, even at the age that you are.
Have you even showed the slightest bit of compassion or filial piety towards her.
Sometimes, i pity you, and also your gf.
For praising the lord in vain, for not being able to see what kind of person you really are.
Whats the point of claiming to be a devout follower of whatever the religion is.
When you fail to fulfill one of the most important components to be a human being.

You owe your life to her, your flesh, your fingers, your legs, your heart.
Every single damn thing that is you.
The least you could do, is to start treating her with the respect deem.
God is not blind and seriously, with a record like yours?
You'd probably go to hell.


HMMM.

I'm so freaking bored, here in Kenneth's room.
I actually wanted to look for Kenneth in the living room, but when i stepped out just now, i was greeted with a very unfriendly and somewhat rude "what?" from his mother in Chinese.
Which absolutely turned me off immediately from anything i was about to say or do and hit a hasty exit.
But before i did so, i was standing there, eavesdropping on their conversation. Then i heard his brother, talking about how his grandmother is the figure to learn from. Supposedly coming up with innovative ideas abt BIZ etc.

Seriously,
If she wasn't rich to start with, would she be able to invest in anything at all.
PEOPLE that you should admire and learn from are those who managed to make ends meet, who managed to overcome the most hopeless of situations, who slogged their life day and night, to fulfill the responsibilities of a parent or a son/daughter.

A friend of mine once told me or rather i feel bragged to me, how successful and how fucking rich her bf's family is. How the mum came up with innovative ideas, expanded the biz and so on.
Seriously, Don tell me anything of that sort.
I'm simply not interested.
You know how many times, these rich ppl had successful investments.
But were you notified of how many that failed.

Some girls are born lucky, having everything, from expensive make-up to expensive handbags to expensive wallets to expensive clothings fully paid for by their parents.
Some other girls, are not.
They pay for their own make-up and clothings.
So it'll be only nice of you to stop bragging about how happy you are with your new branded make-up and etc.

Sometimes, a bit can be a little too much.


Regards,
Belinda


Seriously,
I do not understand what is the problem of those who ask me,

"Why don't you get a proper job? You mean you gonna do modeling full time?"

What exactly is their fucking problem. seriously.
What, you mean modeling is not a proper job?
how is that so?
Just because it doesn't require me to report to work everyday at a standard time, and go for lunch at a standard time, end work at a standard fucking time, its not bloody proper?!
Go fuck yourself.
Don't give me that condescending tone of yours.
I don't need to tolerate that from you.

Without having to suffer the mundane routine of PROPER WORK and being able to earn the same amt that an 18 year old commands in the working world, is pretty much gd enough for me.
I don't need the world or you, to approve of the choices and things i chose in life.
This is my life, my world, my decisions.
Who do you think you are, to impose your judgments on me.

My family, my bf, my REAL frens support wad i do.
and YOU are a mere acquaintance.
If you were a freaking successful multi-millionaire and you wanna pass me some words of wisdom.
I'll gladly sit there and listen to you.
But no, you are nothing of that sort.
Instead you're merely another "dog" running shows for the boss.
So who are you to give advice.
Who are you to tell another whats wrong, and whats right.
Before you start giving out your so called advice to others.
Take a look at yourself first asshole.


Bells.

Justin Timberlake confirmed he's split from girlfriend Cameron Diaz but tells The Toronto Star he "can't talk about it." Freelance reporter John Hiscock got that sweet little nugget out of JT at the premiere of Alpha Dog on Wednesday, January 3, to which Justin brought his mom as his date.

People reports that after the premiere Justin took off for L.A. hotspot Social Hollywood for an hour long "one on one" with freshly on the market Scarlett Johansson. The two are appearing together in Justin's video for "What Goes Around." We don't want to say it was a date but... but we don't know how else to finish that sentence. Flirt, Scarlett, flirt like the wind!

-Taken from entertainment 1.



Omg, tats great news, now, all we need is just britney spears to clean up her act and hopefully they get back together again.
GET LOST johansson!

Anyway, was doing a little research for my BKK trip and found these pics of the hotel im gonna stay in. Its this lady's blog and its super photo-intensive!

ok, here goes.

bed


dressing table


bathroom


Hopefully, its really like these photographs!
haha..
so exciting!


Love,
bells




See the post below this one?


The Dieting Campaign is going to be re-launched!
I've decided to take somewhat drastic measures to get rid of my fat tummy and thighs!
I know i can do it, becox i did it before!

Hai, but being skinny has it setbacks as well.

Bad Points

1. You don get your money worth at buffets.
2. People think you're anorexic
3. Comments like your head is bigger than your body
4. I become a stick
5. I cannot finish my meal

Good Points

1. I can wear any clothings and feel beautiful
2. I do not have to suck in my tummy, becox there isent one!
3. The button on my jeans don look like its gonna pop out!
4. My thighs are not fat and looks fabulous
5. I can flaunt my thin body in a bikini anytime
6. I don feel like a fat slob when i'm sitting down
7. Goodbye to ugly BULGE!

Healthy food list

Eat:

• Various kinds of fruit, greens, root vegetables, potatoes, salads, fish, peas, beans, lentils, brown rice, porridge, small amount of olive oil and low fat dairy products.
• Avoid Junk food like food which contains sugar or too much saturated fat, soft drinks, alcohol, most sausages, chips, sweets, cakes, buns and white bread.
  

It is best to stay away from junk food, because it usually contains far too much sugar and fat, but all too little of important nutrients.


The technical basis of the alternating diet is to split up food into food groups:

• bread, pasta, rice, flour
• meat, fish, eggs, vegetables
• milk, yoghurt, cheese
• vegetable
• fruit
• condiments
  

Each food group contains food with similar compositions and nutritional values, that for this reason, can be interchanged.
The food division into groups, has for each group a reference food, (for example 60 gr. of bread) that can be exchanged with other food of the same groups, simply changing quantities (for example 2 slices of ‘polenta’, 2 packets of crackers, 6 cracker biscuits, etc.).


For example, lunch could consist of: 2 portions from the bread/pasta group

• 1 portion of meat group (or cheese group)
• 1 portion of condiment group
• 1 portion of vegetables group
• 1 portion of fruit group

The choice of food typology must be included in portions and it must be free, because according to the food interchange principle, food portions balance each other.
It is important that at the end of the day you have eaten food from each group according to patterns fixed in advance.



How To Eat Sensibly

For most of us, eating a sensible diet means making 5 basic changes.

• We should eat less fat.
• We should eat less sugar.
• We should eat more fiber.
• We should eat more fruit and vegetables.
• We should avoid hunger by filling up with good food.

1. Eat less fat

• Fat is not your friend - except in small quantities
• Fat contains more than twice the calories of other nutrients. A typical American or Irish diet contains more than 90 grams of fat per day. To put this into perspective, if you want to lose weight, you need no more than about 30 grams of fat per day.
• To do this, you must switch to low-fat options whenever possible, and get used to reading food labels.
  

Suggestions:

• Switch to low-fat dairy products.
• Eat less red meat (beef, lamb, pork). Twice a week is enough.
• Switch to fish, turkey, chicken, pork steak, lean beef steak.
• Avoid high-fat foods like, fried breakfasts, pastries, cream, butter, mayonnaise, fries, peanuts, chocolate/candy and biscuits/cookies.
  

2. Eat less sugar
Sugar is not your friend, either.
Processed sugar is (pound for pound) relatively high in calories. In addition, it's almost valueless as a food. It provides us with virtually no nutrients, so if we stopped eating it tomorrow we wouldn't be any less nourished. I'm not suggesting that you stop eating sugar overnight (and using artificial sweeteners is no better for weight-loss), but you should moderate your intake. Fortunately, although half the sugar we consume is added to food by the manufacturers, the other half is self-administered so it's under our control.

Suggestions:

• Reduce the amount of sugar you add to your tea and coffee.
• Don't add sugar to your cereal.
• Avoid frosted cereals or high-glucose muesli.
• Eat tinned fruit packed in natural juice, not syrup.
• Avoid non-diet soft drinks. Instead, enjoy diet drinks/minerals or 100% fruit juice.
• Avoid so-called treats like biscuits/cookies, chocolates/candy and cakes.
• Start reading food labels and choose brands with less sugar.
  

Remember, sensible eating doesn't mean avoiding 'sweet things'. It just means choosing sweet things that don't give us fat thighs.

3. Eat more fiber
It doesn't mean bran with everything!
Pound for pound, fiber contains far fewer calories than fat or sugar so it's an ideal slimming food. It also fills us up, so we feel nice and satisfied. It also helps to protect against a number of digestive complaints like constipation, diverticular disease, as well as diabetes and gall-stones.

Higher fiber, starchy foods include:

• whole meal bread, potatoes, pasta, brown rice, beans, peas, leafy green vegetables, sweet-corn, pulses, bran-based cereals, oat bran.

4. Eat more fruit and vegetables
These are your best friends

Ideally, eat 4-5 helpings of fruit every day
For example, here are 4 painless ways to eat more fruit.

• Juice it! Do it by hand or buy a juicer.
• Chop it! It�s easier to eat bite-size pieces of fruit than one big piece.
• Keep a bowl-full in the fridge and nibble at it!
• Add it to cereal and make leftovers into fruit salad.
• Open it! Open a can of tinned fruit (in juice, not syrup) every day!
• Stew it! Enjoy lots of stewed desserts. Add mousse or yogurt for extra taste!

Whatever you do, DON'T just park your fruit in a fruit bowl and expect to eat it.
Be more creative. You'll eat a lot more fruit if you are.

Ideally, eat 3-4 helpings of vegetables every day
For example, here are 4 painless ways to eat more fruit.

Make home-made soup! It�s quick, easy and even green vegetables taste delicious!
Cook casseroles! The flavor of the meat makes all the vegetables taste great!
Start stir-frying! Chop veg down to size! And instead of using fat, use lemon juice, soy sauce, chilli sauce, curry sauce etc. and water.
Eat more salad! And remember, salad isn�t just a lettuce-leaf!

• It includes onions tomatoes, cucumber, sweet-corn, beetroot, celery, radishes, chopped carrot and chopped cabbage.

Move away from meat. Move towards vegetables.
Stop making meat the centerpiece of your main meals. Eat small quantities of it and eat more potatoes (rice or pasta) and other vegetables, instead.


5. Avoid hunger
Hunger is definitely your Enemy No 1.

Hunger is easily the biggest Diet-killer. Why?
Because hunger makes us miserable.
Result? We give up dieting and go back to the biscuits/cookies.

Unfortunately, most slimmers still think that dieting means eating small portions - that's why most of them give up dieting and stay fat.

Suggestions:

• Eat lots of bread (just use a very thin covering of low-fat margarine).
• When making sandwiches, use sliced tomato or cucumber instead of margarine. It's a great way to reduce your calorie-intake.
• Eat lots of potatoes (rice or pasta) with your main meal (but don't add butter!).
• Ideally, buy wholemeal! i.e. wholemeal bread, brown rice & wholewheat pasta.
• Make beans a regular part of your diet. There are lots to choose from.
• Eat lots of non-frosted cereal. Best is Shredded Wheat, Weetabix, or any bran-based cereal, although most others are fine.

Anne Collins Weight Loss Diet Program - the ultimate sensible diet plan


What's behind your emotions?

Belinda, your emotions are triggered by your underlying belief in Loyalty

In other words, your uncompromisingly loyal nature directly affects how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.

For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can connect on a meaningful level with friends, family, and others in your community. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in loyalty and the range of emotions it triggers.

COME SUPPORT ME!
VENUE: SENTOSA SILOSO BEACH
TIME: 8

LOTSA LOVE;
BELLS

I just listened to this unofficial track of Britney, titled "Before the Goodbye".
I think its a great song, so very emotional.
and i cant help but feel that she's talking about justin.
I love britney like hell.
I hate it when she married federdick, that she totally ruined those years of her life.
And the worst part is, for once, the gossip-mongers are right about something, that she has noone to blame except herself for what she had become.
But if you think about it, every one's life will definitely have their own dark stages and hopefully britney will grow up after this and make a comeback!!

Anyway, dear zelia's in Hongkong as of now. And Vaune's back from Japan finally!
Hmm..i've yet to speak with her, as my sim card died, all thanks to my dad. and i'm too lazy to go home to switch sim card(3G).

ARGHHH...
I'm starting to feel tat MARCH is too long a wait already!
Hai.. but on the bright side, january-febuary will probably pass quite quickly, since its the chinese new year period and kenneth's packed with exams.
Which reminds me that i MUST work harder and work more!
I must earn back the $ i spent!
I'm such a spend-thrift. ARGH.
And im such a glutton!
ARGH, seems like having too much money on hand is quite a bad thing.
I eat more and spend more.
I'm starting to take the shape of the ball!
wth...

HMMMM.
Btw guys, i've got good news!
hahaha.. i got into top 5 (FINALS) for the Sentosa Beach Babe and Hunk Contest!
And i've got 2 pairs of free tickets (to the contest and the party (countdown foam-party) to give out to my friends, excluding myself.
I'll definitely be giving 1 to kenneth and maybe 1 to Vaune if she wants to go.
Which leaves me with 1 pair of free tickets! =P
I think the contest wld be quite fun, i mean this woud be the 2nd contest which ive joined and i've gotten into finals, with many strokes of luck i would say.
Anyway, We'll be given this specially designed mass-emailing system, cant really remember the name.
Its made for us to mass-send(spam =X) our friends, to inform them about the contest!

PLEASE PLEASE come support me!
I know its just a little contest, but it'll be cool to have support from friends.
and btw, i wanna give a big THANKYOU to all whom have voted for me! =)
Details will be up soon, but if you like, u can go to www.sentosa.com.sg to check it out!

Ok. its like 5.16am now. and i'm still not asleep.
and you-tube is getting boring. i'm running out of things to search.
Worst part is,

1. my fav Love Revolution is still not uploaded.
   
2. Maury povich got no new episodes
3. i've watched finish VH1 Falvor Flav, My Fair Brady.
4. Latest episode of America's next top model 7 still not uploaded!

ARGH, life is getting so stagnant and dull.
And i need to hit the GYM!
LIKE SOON!
Sobs, i'm fat. =(


Love;
bells.


Heyhey!

I've been pretty busy lately, bitching at zelia's blog, working my ass off, missing vaune and keeping up late nights planning my bangkok trip part 2!
haha..Hmmm..

Its damn scary how one can spend money so fast and easily without even realising it.
I spent $600 in 2 days, and nope, im not refering to my Bangkok trip.

I went out with zelia the other day and spent my hard-earned $$ on

• cosmetics (shu uemura)
  
• white converse shoes for work
  
• 1 top and a necklace from topshop
• 1 top from codered
• a huge ass bag
  

OMG. i cant remember the rest. But i do know i spent a huge chunk of it on food.
Just in 1 week, i ate at Crystal Jade and Din Tai Fung.
To some of you, its no big deal eating there, you probably eat there everyday.
But you know, with prices like they have, you'd expect them to serve super ultra mouth-watering cusine.
But what i tasted at Crystal Jade and Din Tai Fung, were extremely disappointing.
I mean even the zhao pai cai of Din Tai Fung, the xiao long bao is no big deal.
and the same goes for Crystal Jade.
But i must say, the mango pudding at Crystal Jade was damn good la!
Talking abt it now, makes me hungry.

Hai.. after spending so much $ on supposedly nothing.
and i just paid like $700 plus for my trip.


i must work more, i must work more, I MUST WORK MORE!
hai.
hmmm...
Its so wierd that recently i've gotten more in touch with myself.
I encourage myself when im feeling exhausted and push myself forward, constantly telling myself that "i can do it!".
I mean, in the working society, i doubt anyone wld encourage you when u're feeling down.
They're all like secretly hoping you give up and thats one less competition.
Its so hard to to find a true friend.
Thats why i'm so glad to have found Vaune and Zelia, in the midst of my working life.
Its friends like these that enable me to still be the bubbly person that i am.
And not the withdrawn person i had become sometime back in the past.

Hmmm.. anyway,
Im so looking foward to my trip!
ITS SO EXCITING!
im gonna be away for 2 looonggggggg weeks.
hahaa...

Notice to licia soon!

belicia if you see this.
Pls ask mummy if she wants to go Bangkok during the June holidays or smth.
I think it'll be better if u do the asking. hahaa. =X

ok. den anything you just sms me.
btw, tell korkor to arrange his schedule.
I wanna bring you 2 to the pasir ris dog farm one of these days. =D
okie dokie. i love you licia, and korkor, mummy and daddy too.
Bye!
LOVE;
belinda
PS: its not that i dont want to go Bangkok with you, its just that i feel it'll be too rushed for u to squeeze the trip into the 1 week holiday.
So, we shall plan a june trip or smth k!
=)










Heys,

Life was damn well interesting for me these past few days.

have you ever met certain people in life that fits the bill of a great big fucking 20-headded venomous snake to a T?
some lucky few, may not, but i certainly have. hah!

Much as i would like to avoid using vulgarities in my posts, as i know my little sis reads them regularly. But its just so DAMN hard to not associate vile words of the worst kind with an asshole like him.

Fucking 2-faced shitface. I CANNOT BELIEVE that i had actually fell for his words of deceit once too many.

And that SLIMEBAG, had the AUDACITY to sms me this after i gave him a sound lashing on the phone.

jasper:

"ya, u'r angry but when u see the whole damn picture..it's just so simple. u're
too stupid to understand what kind of friends you have. u're find out one day.
cause bell u haven found a true fren yet. u're still switching friends. "

HAHAHAHA. fuck off shithead.

i replied this to the shithead:

"Before you start feeling sorry for others. Why dont you look at how pathetic
you are first? Dont talk like you know me so well. We barely knew each other. I
would have quoted you names of my true friends. But on second thought. You aint
worth one bit of my time. "

HAHA!
He probably got the idea that,OH poor belinda is going thru a transition.
She feels like she's got no friends and that the whole world is ostracizing her.
( see previous entry)
BOOHOO!

But, boy, didnt you know?
This is how friendships are in the REAL WORLD.

Little rich kids suckling on golden milkbottles like you a'int know shit.
You thought that you could bring me down with your amateurish attempts of mind-fucking.
Think again, milk boy.


There are ups and downs in all kinds of relationships.
Be it, parental, BGR or between friends.

I for your INFO.
Am not switching friends. HAH!
Why would I need to do that?
i'm NOT YOU, you know? Opps*

Zelia and I are on very good terms, thankyouverymuch.
In fact so are zelia, melissa, felicia, ching lam, darianne, vaune, jamie and janice.
Ppl used to say, that one needs only 1 true friend or rather wad you call a best fren in life.
But you probably have none.
You think you have, but you don't.
in short, you're fucking pathetic.

When i read the sms he sent me, i was like, WAD?
WAS HE TALKIN ABT HIMSELF?
i'm not kidding.
i cannot believe he was actually stupid enough to use that to "shoot" me.
hahaa. so darn hilarious.

and btw, sad to say.
The tagboard aint up yet.
So you cant vent your anger on it even if you want to.

TOO BAD.
hahahaha.

update:

PS: the loser, den proceeded to start insulting me with words like,

"dont bother to join anymore competitions, you will never win. pls take some time to reflect on yourself. thanks ah!"

and

"i found out smth good abt u, instead of brightenings ppl days, u darkens ppl day. "

and i merely replied.

"please stop harrassing me with your garbage"

period.


Seriously, i do not know why people get sour when their lies got exposed.
and ALWAYS end up shooting themselves in their foot in a bid to insult/"defend" themselves.
This idiot, has spend his entire lifetime, pretending to be ever so sweet and kind and positively harmless.

Little did he know, by being unable to carry on with that false front when faced with ever mounting evidence has caused him to reveal the rotten person he really is.

i take my words back abt calling him pathetic,
this person here,
is beyond pathetic.


Love;
bells


Just wanna talk about a little something, to no one in particular actually.
you know guys?
Even though my ever busy schedule swallows me up most of the time, but once in awhile, i'll still pop by zelia's blog just to see how she's been, even though we hardly even meet anymore.

But its just that, recently i just cant help but feel and certainly cannot deny the fact that zelia had drifted apart from me and now am closer to janice and jamie.
I dont know why I am feeling this way now, it seriously sucks.
But then again, what can i do abt it?
Absolutely nothing.
I'm not going to go all childish and juvenile over this whole issue. Becox i don wanna act like a child and get all weepy and depressed over it.

I kept telling myself that perhaps because of their age hence they click better.
But i dont know why it kind of hurts to see pictures of janice, jamie and zelia on outings together which i have no part of.
I'm not saying that its a must for them to call me out everytime they plan something, its just that i thought that zelia is or perhaps was closer to me than to jamie and janice.
ARGH!
I dont know what to say or think or feel anymore. Perhaps the best option out now is to never ever go visit her blog anymore and perhaps the easiest way is to completely cut myself off from them.

In this line of work that i'm in, its so hard to meet genuine ppl.
Ppl that you really make friends and be friends with.
I once told kenneth, that this industry scares me so much.
In the sense that its sometimes so fake and so plastic and you will never know which smiling/friendly girl/collegue that you know is really genuine or just using you to get something for themselves.

Zelia and I were such good friends. I mean we used to talk every night, go shopping with each other and such. We could go out, just the 2 of us and have so much fun.
That was before her 'O's started and even though i waited patiently like any good friend would have done for her exams to finish. But now it seems that that period of absence could have cost us or rather me, the closely knitted friendship that we used to share with one another.

I hate to say, that at an age that i am, i am still being hurt by such stuff.

I tried to convince myself that work is all i need.
But i was wrong.
I miss my friends.
I miss melissa, felicia, ching lam and darianne.
But i miss mel and fel the most.
How we used to have dance prac after sch together.
How we laughed and joked like idiots without a hoot about how others look upon us.
How we walked across to buy bubble tea and our 17 magazine.
How the chicken rice uncle frightened mel that she refused to eat there anymore.
How fel somehow managed to fall while dancing and remain smiling while falling.
How we used to rate the guys in our sch.
PS: mel, rmb last time when u said meldon was cute! =x

And the list goes on and on, the memories ever-flowing and ever-fresh.
Like it was just yesterday.
and yet, sometimes, it feels like it was so long ago.

Life is really like a train.
And now i've reached the next stop.
Some friends got off and some got on.
But i'm glad to say i've made a new friend, vaune.
She's someone that had brightened my otherwise dull days.

And another person that i have to mention is my baby, kenneth.
Its times like these that i feel down abt stuff and lousy abt myself.
That i'm glad that God gave him to me.
To be my best friend, my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on, my punching bag, and most importantly, someone who loves me even at my ugliest moments.

and i feel so bad for ill-treating him at times, venting unjustified anger on him. Taking advantage for the fact that he loves me so. i feel so awful just thinking abt it.

ARGH!

BELINDA...
It's not everyday that something SO GOOD happen to you!
WAKE UP UR BLOODY IDEA!
You dumbass.


I WANT LOVE;
Belinda.


check this out!



VOTE FOR ME;




CONTESTANT


B1


CLICK THE WORDS BELOW!

VOTE FOR BELINDA!



Come on man! Vote till i'm the winner.
And we'll all go party till our lights go out!
=P


I remember back in either secondary 4 or after graduation.
Melissa was crazy over korean drama, darianne too.
And i do not have the slightest inkling as to what the enchantment was.
But every since, buying my first set of korean drama VCD.
The show Princess Hours / Goong which i spent $40 on. -.-
I've fallen in love with korean drama.
It all started off with a seemingly harmless looking korean vcd which i watched sometime back cause i was bored.
And ever since then, the addiction or whatever you call it began.

A word of advice to people out there on Korean Drama.

Don't start if you don't want, or else start and you will never stop.

Haha.


Absolute LOVES.

=)

Lovingly,
Bells.


What i am going to type hereafter is not of my biz.
However, that doesnt stop me or allow me to deny the fact that i'm just affected in a way that the indian guy (my friend) is dating a girl, (or so he denies) of such character.

whatever la, seriously.
What i mean is, after his break up, all of us tried to get him or rather help him get over the pain and all.
But did he show any appreciation?
No.
Did he say any word of thanks?
No.
Did he show any signs of improvement?
No.

Instead, he pushes us further and further away.
Instead he embraces the opposite option we wished he would have taken.

And at this moment, its more like, Whatever?
We dont care anymore.
Its not like, he bothers about us, about our worries for him and our concern for him.

The more we care, the more we try, the more effort we put in,
its all down to waste.
The more we do, the more we get hurt, not him.

Whatever the case, if he wants to go date the michelle girl or whatever.
So be it.
Its not like i didnt try or whatever, not that i didnt say.

I used to hold him in such high respect.
But the recent events and such has brought that level of respect to an all time low.
It only goes to show, that no one on this earth is bloody perfect or more like can be bloody trusted.

The disappointment i feel runs so deep,
i doubt anything can remove that stain he left on his own reputation and person.





Othelo died.

Say hello to pain.

i called the guy in thailand just this afternoon.
Asked how were the dogs and the first sentence in reply was, the male dog is dead.
Citing cause of death, adverse reaction to the vaccination that was done.
Othelo had 3 days of diarrhea before he succumbed to death.


I cant help but wonder if i was there to deal with the situation when othelo first started having diarrhea, would he had survived. I would have brought him to the vet immediately.

At times like these, words like "if only" are recurrent. But everything just cant be changed.
I was stunned for quite some time and only started to cry when i broke the news to kenenth.
In my mind, i kept seeing Othelo's face.
Othelo's 1 white and 1 black eye.
How he kept jumping in a bid to lick me in the cab back in Bkk.
How he kept licking me when i first carried him.
How he felt like he was meant to be my dog even though i just met him.
how kenneth grew attached to him.
How the both of us cried when i had to leave him behind.
How i cant bring myself to walk away from him.
How i looked at othelo and told him i will come back for him
And its such memories that are causing all the pain.

its words like If only that start to bring regrets and headaches into the picture.

Even though my work schedule had been such a bitch, and times when i feel so fucked up.
Its the thought that i will see him again after all that waiting of 2 mths that made all these bearable.
Now he's gone.

it really doesnt feel real.

Somehow, it feels like he's somewhere near me,


still here.

not gone.

still here by me.


hey guys!
im back from BKK!

unfortunately..

I mean touching down in Singapore only meant that i am thrown into the hectic schedule that i had planned for myself.
I have completely no rest at all for this whole month.
The only few days that i have a little rest is the 6th of aug, cause i'll only be working from 7.30 to 3pm, the next would 21st of aug, i didnt even know i was off that day till just now. Anyway, other than those 2 days, i will be slogging my life away till the 3rd of Sept.


Work at DFS was surprisingly fun. hahaa.
Hmmm.. maybe its cause the ppl im handling are ang mohs / tourists, so they're mostly friendly.
Considering the fact that its so convenient for me to take a bus opp kenneth's place to the airport terminal 2 B1 and just take a lift up to work, made this job all the more enjoyable and slack.
I mean, the toilet is just next to my work area, the entrance merely behind the shop and the lift is just next to it.
=D

The trip to BKK was fun, Chatuchak is really a must go, but be warned!
That place is practically a furnace.
MY GOD, the heat is horrible!!
Anyway, to cut the long story short, i intend to bring back a dog from BKK.

His name is Othello.
He's 3 mths plus old and he's a boy!
haha..

Kenneth is absolutely besotted with him.
I think he's more in love with othello than i am.

Actually i shared the cost of the dog and all with kenneth's brother but i seriously think now its better that i just forked out that little money and buy over his share to prevent any further fuss.

That is exactly wad i am going to do. I told kenneth to bring the $$ over to his brother's room but he was already sleeping so i guessed we can only passed him tml.

i'll update more tml or something when im feeling more energetic.
for now, im gonna go finish up my story book and get to bed.

SEE YA!



MISS REEF BIKINI CONTEST




VOTE FOR ME!!
=)
LOVE,
Bells.



Hey Sweeties!
Girls' day out yesterday was fun!
( to the point tat i hyper-ventiliated again! -.-)
It always happens when i'm having too much fun. hahaha. =P
anyway, fel and mel, pls do send me the photos we took to my email k!
belindaasun@gmail.com. Many thanks!

Hmm...It's only 1 more day to my Bangkok trip. I'm feeling so excited and yet so afraid at the same time.
Perhaps its cause its been like donkey years since i last took a plane or even step further away from Singapore other than Malaysia. =X
1 thing that kinda bothers me is that we happen to be travelling in the "ghost festival" period.
I mean, not that i'm superstitious, but ... =


********************

Anyway, i couldnt get to sleep and was brownsing thru the net when i came across the Miss Universe Pagent Official Website.
And i discovered smth....



Miss Venezuela...
...could be a man.

Still not convinced?...check this out..


Uncanny similarities to our homegrown Kumar?
Miss Australia...

Miss Australia looks like she's got abit of asian heritage..

Miss China

To the question to "who's your IDOL?", Miss China answered Zhang Zhiyi.
Didnt she know for goodness sake, CHINA happens to HATE her?!

Miss Sri Lanka

(Jacqueline Fernandez)
Sri Lanka's representative is an angmoh, or at the very least an eurasian.
Thats cheating! -.-


and finally, our very own MISS SINGAPORE!

Seriously, you guys should check out the swimsuit video at this website below. Her costumes are all not bad, i only dont understand why she chose what she did for the evening dress. hai.


I used to always HATE our Miss Universe representatives..
because they're always so UGLY!
But this year, i actually kind of like our Ms Singapore.
and i think she's got the biggest boobs ever for a Ms Singapore..
Hahaaha..(ALL PICTURES TAKES FROM MISS UNIVERSE OFFICIAL WEBSITE)

Oooh well. =D
Good chance to get noticed by the world.
Not all SINGAPOREANS ARE SMALL-BREASTED OKAY!
=P

LOVE,
Bells







Picture taken from Pink is the new blog.
I always thought he was hot.;)


(to zeee, this is not about jas*** so RELAX.)

I would love to paint a pretty picture about Love.
But alas!
The truth is never as colourful as one wish it to be.

Ever felt, times when you know you've got so much to say inside you, all cooped up within.
Till it gets to a point when you just completely lost the ability to speak.
That you no longer see the significance or difference it will make, speaking out or not.
And at times like that, silence always seem to be the easier and better option.

I do not know about you, but this is how i'm feeling right now.

At moments like these, the only thought that keeps flashing through my mind repeatedly is how stupid i am.
How very stupid i was, have been and still am.
In the matters of love, in the matters of the heart, in the matters of relationship.

Being the very talkative self that I am, i've suddenly lost the urge or the need to speak anymore.
All of the sudden, mute silence, seem to put me more at ease.
It makes me feel calm but solemn, and at times, almost with grief.

I do not know what has came over me, inexplicable and yet so real.

Perhaps this wave of sorrow will pass soon, just like how a wound would heal.
And at times like these, i can only wish it will do so.
with god's speed.

and spare me any further hurt that it has already inflicted on me.



At moments like this
I no longer seek to know
Why do teardrops fall.
Why do hearts break.
and why do people hurt.
Because when pain merge into one big haze of sorrow.
and colours are no longer defined.
When the world holds no more joy
when the world turns black and white.
Words no longer matter, feelings becomes non-exsistent.
Pain is reduced to numbness.
Grief is reduced to a mere ache.
I look at you and yet i do not cry.
Even as i remain emotionless.
Tears will not cease to flow.
Because baby, you will never see me dying inside.
That I'm standing within, battered and yet holding on.
For whom, For what, i do not know.
Perhaps after the war is fought
and the battle scars heeled.
Will I then, be whole again.





Love,
Belinda


ORLANDO WHO?

hahaha..

Love,
Bells


Hey ya'all.

Today's fashion show was quite a disaster in a way.
I think the best part of the whole show wld be the hairstyling section.
I mean i think its the only component that comes across as professional, up to expectation.
I think the worst wld be the make-up artist.
She claims she's certified, but from the looks of it.
I seriously doubt so, i mean.
LOOK AT ME!
I CANNOT take purple for eyeshadow. and i told her my outfit was all black and she go put purple for me.
I freaking look like the walking dead, my eyes looks so tired and... DEAD.
So i told her to clean it off and put black instead.
Fortunately, my choice of colours came out surprisingly well.
On top of it all, the kind of make-up she put on for me does not even suit my outfit at all.
She put light pink blusher and purple eyeshadow.
My look was more of a matured kind not bubbly or sweet!!
In the end, i had to touch up myself.
and even though zelia and i had on fake eyelashes, it freaking dont look like it at all.
In my head, i was thinking
"bloodyhell, my dance teacher back in sec sch can do a better job than u. WTH."
ARGH.

Anyway, the prize of the little 'compe' was split among the 3 of us, each person $66 worth of vouchers to spend at any shop in Century Square, plus $50 cash voucher from the job SIANDER plus two 25% discount vouchers from the salon we went to today.

The lady who did my hair, Agnes Heng was REALLY GOOD.
She's the first person i've met, to cut my fringe exactly the way i like it to be.
The kind that i had always wanted but did not know how to get it across.







KOREAN CLOCK LADY




NEWS LADY


(press stop to pause the music of my blog. =P)

If you thought the first 2 videos were funny, check this out!
MS. SWAN

LOL

IT's drop-dead hilarious, i laughed till my sides ached.
hahaha
watch it!


Tonight brought the word 'FRUSTRATION' up a whole new level.

I bought this basket-like thing to store my clothes, i came home and happily put everything into place, then i realise the freaking basket aint gonna hold for long under the weight of my clothes.
So never mind, i tried to figure a way out to slavage the situation.
Stupidly, I went to get rafia string or whatever you spell it, and try to tie it in a way, tat it gives additional support to the load.

Obviously it failed, and i got so irritated trying i threw the whole thing on the floor and just sat there, feeling, looking emitting anger.

So never mind, i thought, since basket cannot work, shall transfer some stuff from the drawer and make space for my clothes.
but guess what happened when i pull the drawer out?

IT BROKE!
IT FREAKING BROKE.

As in the wheel like thing right, it went out of place, and no matter how hard i try, it just wouldnt go back into its rightful place.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I dont know why, at that point of time, i went a little crazy.
Its like im exerting so much force, to no avil.
then i strain my neck and cut myself all over my arms and hands.
AND THE FREAKING DRAWER IS STILL STUCK.

That was the last draw, i cannot take it alrdy.
So i sat there and started crying.
I know it sounds stupid, but i was feeling so helpless, my neck hurts, my hand hurts and the drawer doesnt want to coo-operate.
yeah la, im a crybaby la.

Den i tried one last time, to fix the damn drawer while still crying like some idiot.
But the bloody drawer is being an asshole, so up till now, its still stuck. -.-


Okie, enough of the drawer shit, shall incinerate it tml. ARGH.
hahahaa.


********************

Tml numb, kidon,exo,shane and donno who, got some CS compe at CINI.
Think i'll pop by awhile, afterall i got nth to do.
YAWNS*

Life is boring, and tml, kenneth will only finish training at 7 plus 8 i think.

CAN IT GET ANYMORE WORSE THAN THIS?!

LOVE,
VERY BORED BELLS.
=)


supposed to blog today.
But i'm feeling really lazy right now..
so i'd do so only later, perhaps tonight.
I'd better go and sleep now, i've stayed up the whole night.

Shall sign off with a picture taken today.

I love the city lights.

Its blurred cause i took it while walking.
Oh well,
Ciao guys.

Love,
Bells.
=)

Soccer fever aside,
Here's a few updates as i traced back the days' events.

3rd July

• Went to fetch Kenneth at the airport.
• Came back home, slept.

Below are the gifts kenenth brought home for me.

Choco, lipgloss, Eiffel tower keychains!

Milk Chocolates.


Lip-Gloss

Its not alot, but its good enough.
Afterall, things in PARIS are outrageously costly.
SLims, a friend of ours paid 5EUROs for a MACDONALDS ice cream sundae!

But kenneth!
Didnt you know i LOVE DARK CHOCOLATES?! -.-
Your mum's dark chocolates looks too tempting already!
*salivates.
Hahaha.

Oh well, i'll let you off considering the fact you bought stuff back for me on both trips, KOREA and PARIS.

Hmm..
The past few days had been packed with nothing but soccer.
Went to catch the semi-finals at our usual hang-out,

Simpang Bedok Tang Tea-house.

The match, Italy versus Germany was a freaking boring match, with both sides camping most of the time.
It only got exciting at the last few minutes of the game when Italy suddenly scored 2 goals.

Bored dead, i tried to get kenneth's attention.
But even making funny faces like these did not work.

NEGLECTED!

I was only rewarded with this classic look of his.


*see what see*

So for the whole of the match, i was pretty much like this.


Boring shit yo!

But then, there are rare times when kenneth will entertain me.
So baby, i'll cut you some slack. HEE.

but baby, can u at least smile a teeny weeny bit!*
-.-

LOVE,
Belinda BUFFON.


For all you people who missed Zidane's headbutt.
Here it is..



Check it out!

haha..
once again..
FORZA ITALIA!

Ciao,
Belinda BUFFON




VIVA LA ITALIA

ALL you people who supported FRANCE, you can KISS MY ASS!

wahahaha..
i damn high already..


Today, we played MJ at Jared's house.

We played only $.0.20, $0.40 and Kenneth won $116.
Dont ask me how the hell he managed to do that, because i do not know how myself.
If losing in MJ can kill someone, i'll be long dead by now.
-.-
Anyway, kenneth and I went over to Simpang Bedok to catch the WORLD CUP FINALS [FRANCE VS ITALY] afterward the MJ session.
The day before, i've already booked like 7 tables specially for the finals.
It was damn packed man i tell you!

Although it was a TAD ROWDY but it was UNDENIABLY FUN!

HEE.

Bets were flying all over the place, some big some small and some did not bet at all.
But nevertheless, everyone was all caught up in the game, every single minute of it.

********************


A friend of mine betted $50 on FRANCE to kick off first, but ITALY did instead, so he literally lost $50 in less than a minute.



ZIDANE scored a goal just barely 7 minutes into the game.
The FRANCE supporters went into chaos
while the ITALY supporters (NAMELY US) remain silent.



Then came MATEREZZI's brilliant header.
and THE ITALY FANS went berserk! =X

After scoring the equaliser, half-time ended rather swiftly with only 2 additional minutes added.

The 2nd half started with FRANCE seemingly in more control of the ball.
There were 2 times when LUCA TONI had very good chances to score a goal, but somehow it failed.
ITALY actually scored a 2nd goal, but it was rendered OFFSIDE much to the disappointment of many an ITALY fan.
The game goes into overtime, with the score at 1-1.

My friends who bought DRAW, won, those who bought ITALY/FRANCE to win, lost.
Even after EXTRA TIME, the score remained at 1-1, and so its down to PENALTY KICKS.

At that point of time, we were all chanting BUFFON's name.
WE freaking scream / shout / clap / bang table like there's no tommorrow.

We were like a bunch of lunatics let loose, crazy over SOCCER.

But BUFFON was quite a let-down for not catching any of the balls that came his way.
The one ball that FRANCE missed was cause it hit the POLE, not that BUFFON saved it.
But never mind,
ITALY scored all 5 PENALTY KICK-OFFs,
clinching the WORLD CUP CHAMPION HONOUR!!

And most importantly, i won money too!

Because Kenenth and I placed a bet with a friend on who's gonna win penalty kicks.
hahaha.. and we took ITALY. *GRINS*

Oh ya! did i mention?
Stupid Zidane got sent off (red card) because he HEAD-BUTT MATEREZZI.

He freaking just use his BALD HEAD and head-butt materezzi.
Its just so damn hilarious can. hahahaa..
All of us see alrdy was like, WTF?! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
and subsequently break into laughter all round.

For those who have missed it, i have here, a small clip of it in GIF. format.

I DONT KNOW why the hell its so small, it wasnt that small when i saved it.
But never mind,
i'll only try to find a bigger one later cox its freaking 7.30a.m in the morning now.

That ACT of barbaric insanity cost him a RED card.


Out went ZIDANE and with him, FRANCE's dream of WORLD CUP CHAMPION 2006.


I joked with my friend that Zidane must have betted heavily on ITALY, and he desperately needed to not play the PENALTY kicks.
So he was like
"must kelong must kelong", must do smth to kena sent off.
hahahaa.. freaking hell.
Of all ways to foul or assault someone else, he chose to head-butt.
Its just so damn wierd.
Imagine gettin into a tiff with someone and she head-butts you out of nowhere.
I think i'll start laughing.
haha.

********************

Without a doubt, i'm the happiest woman at this very moment.
With Italy's win, not only did i win money, but i've won for myself a present.

My friend say he'll get 1 gift for me, regardless of what it is.
But of cause cannot be THAT ex la.
hahaha..

I'M SOOOOOO HAPPYYYY!!Wheeeee!

hMmm..
I shall end this entry with a pic of my beloved ITALY.


FORZA ITALIA!

oh and btw, i tink buffon's is rather cute in a way.
Esp when he saves a ball.
I wouldnt mind marrying him, even though that means i'll have a stupid name for the rest of my life.
A name like BELINDA BUFFON.
It makes me sound like i'm a cow.
Hahaha..
But it'll do, it'll do.
=X


LOVE,
Belinda BUFFON

There was this TV advertisment thing that Jamie told me about the day before yesterday.
She asked if i was interested, if i were to send my pictures over.
and so i did.
But it wasnt like, i'm sure i'll get in, cause i didnt really think i would make it.
But if i do, i hope all 4 of us get in together!!

Anyway, the good news is that,


I GOT IN!!

haha..i'm so so happy.
Jamie say that the person-in-charge likes me and wants to use me in an advert.
I was so excited, i kept asking her if it was confirmed, and jamie said yes.

HOOOOO-RRRAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!

Now, i'm just waiting for the results of jamie, zelia and janice.
And hopefully, we all can do this TV AD together.
It's going to be so fun!
So for now, i'm gonna keep my fingers crossed and wait. =)



********************

Oh ya, did i mentioned?
A while back ago, there was this time i bought an 8days magazine because i was so freaking bored at Simpang Bedok, the guys were watching soccer.
So i saw there was this advertisment about a contest RED EARTH was giving.
The prize to win was some limited edition 3 level palette, (eyeshadow, lipgloss, blusher).
So obviously, someone like me who LOVES free things definitely give it a try right?
and guess what!!


I GOT IT!!

whahahaha..
I was sleeping just now and i recieved an sms form them asking me to go down and collect my prize with my ic for verification!

And thats not it, after that sms, i recieved another phone call, asking me to work for WCG Asia. =D

Btw, janice, jamie and zelia.
Are u guys interested too?
If so call me/ sms me !!
Then i'll send your pictures in as well.
=)

My life just cant get any better..

LOTSA LOVE
Bells


Pardon me,

But i find it extremely hard to comprehend how is it possible for a guy to claim he is merely chatting with friends, regardless of gender without any other form of interest.
When the girls are blatantly flirting with him and he seemingly not noticing it at times, and responded, intentionally or not, i wouldnt know.

I JUST CANNOT UNDERSTAND,
how can someone not know it when the other party is flirting with you, or interested in you.

You've got to be an extremely huge block-head, in order not to notice that.

At times, i really felt like screaming at him, asking,
"DO u know WTF are you doing, and WTF do u want!!!!!!!!??"
Notice how the number of exclamation marks surpass that of question marks?

Thats cause it contains more aggitation than question.

I mean , its been so long since we last met and certain aspects of yourself have changed.
But this particular loathsome aspect of you have yet to go!

Have you ever thought when will you ever stop all these "act cute shit" from all the girls?
Won't you ever get sick of it?
Because, even though i'm female, but i've limited tolerance for girls who try to KAWAII their way out with me.

It's either you've got super-human degree of tolerance / you simply just LIKE it.

and i got a feeling its the latter.

I mean, up till now, i still do not know why he's still talking to She**a, as if they are attached.
If you like one another, get together already!
Stop draggin your feet, its taking way too long!
seriously.

It almost seem like you're stringing all these girls along, because you've yet to cut the line between yourself and them, and this will definitely lead them into thinking you're interested in any one of them.
All a girl needs is just an innocent smile, or a nod to get her thoughts wild.

And btw, there's seriously smth wrong with the girls fawning over you.
Or rather i address them as your fan club, it'll be much easier.

Somehow, i've yet to decipher why, there isnt any cat-fights going on yet on your friendster profile.
I'm sure none of the girls are blind.
Shouldnt they see that so many other girls calling you baby and *muacks too.
In this case, if they really like you, shouldnt they be the slightest jealous or angry over it?

Seems like none of them are pissed off, perhaps they aint all that serious afterall.

Even though i'm always not serious, jumping around and all.
But i really hope you'll be happy.
And will be able to find someone that will make you feel different.
Instead of you, making others feel different and special all the time.
Love is never selfish.
Remember that.
Hmmm..

Just a slice of my thoughts.

take care ya'all.
Gotta succumb to slumber now.

*Bells.


Here am i, using the laptop at Cae's house while kenneth is currently helping me to play.

Shooting 2 MANTAI in a row is very traumatising!

Somemore the first man tai i shot her was a SPECIAL.
As in it was ping hu yi se.
YI TIAO LONG.
That, when translated to ENG is , 1 DRAGON.

FREAKING HELL.
It was so unexpected, i was so shocked.
hahahaha
Was like, "HUH?! WHHAAATTT!?"

Then never mind, continued playing, hoping that i can win back the cash.
But i ended up shooting her again, a man tai somemore.
Then i sian already, i suck la. sobs.
=(

No luck today, the more i play, the worse my headache gets.


*******************


Talking about friendster, you know you've got the thing that can keep track of who comes to visit your profile.
I recently switched off the "view profiles anonymously" mode just for the fun of it.
And i realised when i went to checked it today, that certain people or rather girls had visited my blog, surprisingly.

Its surprising because those girls were "jasper's girls".
I think it'll be quite safe to put Jasper's name here in my blog as i doubt he'll ever come to read anyway.
I mean one of the girls who is fawning over him, namely, Gwen has a blog too, but sadly for her, she thinks that he reads her blog, but in fact, he doesnt.
hahaha.
If i were her, i'd feel so sad.
oh well, anyway, she was one of the girls who viewed my profile.
There was another named Cheryl who also came to view my profile.
Jasper too, was in the list.

I find it rather wierd, cant help but wondered if they knew about me and jasper.
and probably was planning to silence me or smth.
hahaha.

But girls, shouldnt you already be accustomed to such situations.
Rest assured man, i aint fighting for your man.
Take him and keep him close.
Because a slip of a hand, is all you need or they need to snatch him from you.


********************


Talking about the Jasper incident, turns out that kenneth already knew about it even before he flew to Paris.
No,
not that anything happened between me and Jasper. What i meant was that kenneth knew i was confused.
Somehow he could see that i was confused, and when i asked him how he knew,
he say that its understandable that when one did not get somethng or someone, and when the person comes back, one will definitely get confused.

He told me that it was easy for him to read my thoughts.
Like how he knew when i'm thinking about the past, or when i'm thinking of solutions.
Somehow, i have a certain way of behaviour.

Jasper too, said once before that he could see it in my eyes that i was sorrowful.
which was really true because i felt really sad then.


Am i really such an open book?
I hate it, i like to be mysterious.
;)
hahaha.

OH well. Whatever already la.

After my talk with kenneth over dinner at Bali Thai, it only made me realised how much i love him.

The fact that he knew i was confused because of another guy, of a lost love/crush, and yet he was able to trust me to make the right decision for myself and us,

only made me love this man more.

And also,
That even though we've been together for so long, and i thought that i had knew almost everything about him, but recently i just realised that there were more to kenneth than i know.

And i love him, for him.
I love this man, because he's kenneth.

LOVE,
bells






FREAKING FRANCE WON PORTUGAL.

What can i say,
It all started from the Spain versus France match, i said i wished France will win that particular match, just to spite my friend who took Spain.
And so i was happy when France knocked Spain out and proceeded.

BUT FREAKING FRANCE went on the knock my DARLING BRAZIL out and now PORTUGAL in the SEMI-FINALS.

It's going to be the match to die or cry for, Italy versus France.

AHhhhh..
I can almost picture Clarence, Exo and all smoking like crazy, with their eyes glued to the screen.
hahaha..=X



COME ON ITALIA!!


EXO: *present; present; present; present; present*
hahahaa,

LOVE,
Bells.




OMG.
He's so FUCKING FREAKING GORGEOUS!

RONALDHINO

MARRY ME!!


ITALIA LOVE!

I was watching the Italy versus Germany match at Simpang Bedok's Tang Tea House with Kenneth and friends.
The whole match was so damn boring, and there were 2 times when Italy almost scored goals, but it hit the pole and bounced off instead.
Exo and Clarence, were so stressed up, they kept chain smoking, non-stop.
Haha..
Me on the other hand, was wishing with all my might that Italy will show some MAGIC and somehow manage to get themselves into the finals and most importantly win the WORLD CUP.
Because, my present is on the line.
Hahaha..

=)

and when Grosso scored, we freaking screamed and shouted so loud.
The 2nd goal by Del Peiro only made everyone present there go crazier than they already are, including myself.
LOL.

So yeah, i've pretty much became a fan of ITALY after my beloved BRASIL / BRAZIL went out after it got knocked out by FRANCE.

Freaking FRANCE.

Shattered my Brazilian Dream.

And thus ending my FOUR-YEAR long LOVE for Ronaldhino.
=(

Hai, but never mind, there's still ITALY.
Tml's match wld be Portugal against France.
and Sunday wld be the FINALS.

It's going to be SO FUN!

I'm gonna wear the signature Italy Blue, write the word ITALIA on my cheek and wave the Italy Flag.
HAHAHAH..

Cant wait for sunday..

ITALY FOR THE WIN!

LOve,

Bells.

There's only a thin line between friendship and love.
You may think that you have fallen for a particular someone, with all the emotions however real.
But ultimately, you may still be wrong about wad you actually feel.

It all boils down to how one handle situations such as these.

• To be mature and strong enough to move on when met with set-backs.
• To not dwell in self-pity and expect everyone around you to feel the way you do.
• To be able to feel the exact same kind of experience that you've had felt.

Because there's no way they will ever know how you feel, for they're not you.

I felt so much better now, after talking things out.
Finally.
I managed to muster up enough to courage to do so, and settle it once and for all.
I dont care if its some kinda crush or whatever it is, if it ends, den so be it.
There's nothing i will do and cld do anyway.

=)
Love kenneth,
Belinda

im stronger than i think i am.

thanks mel for all that you've said, it made me realise lots of things.

I've always wanted a fairytale,
i've always wanted to be treated as a princess, to be loved and protected.
To feel that in a relationship, i'm weaker, and i have someone to hold me and be with me every step of the way, with me in any battles.
One who is strong enough like him, one who looks as strong as him.
Perhaps his looks and muscular physique are what that got me hooked up on him.
That makes me feel like a woman, that im weak.
That i do not have to fight this world on my own, i can step back and let someone fight the battle for me or with me.

I'm tired, i really am.
I'm lonely, all too lonely.
Its so rare these days to really feel any sort of real or extreme emotion.
But last night, it really hurt so bad.
Because i always knew what was the right thing to do
Because i always knew what i wanted and what was best for myself.

Perhaps like what i told you, yesterday spelt the end of the fantasy i was living.
Even before any words were exchanged on msn, i alrdy knew what i had to do, what i wld do.
What the outcome will be, what the ending shall be.
Its like your first crush that you've never gotten, and were given a chance to try for it again.
This time you got it, but you cannot keep it.
Because life always had to give you a hard time, cause love and relationships was never a simple thing to start with.


When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you, just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you, endlessly

And when you're mad cuz you lost a game
Forget I'm waiting in the rain
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
That's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight

You can count on me for life
That's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind

The more I learn, the more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

took this from melissa's blog http://exquisite-felicity.blogspot.com, an entry dedicated to me.
Reading that made me cry.
Because it feels like i'm reading my own feelings out to myself.

What i really need is someone..

• whom I will have no qualms in taking off my make-up with
• not afraid to act however ugly or rough infront of him.
• Not having to look into the mirror occassionally because i need and want to look pretty infront of him.
• not having to refrain from sudden bouts of insanity and hyper-activity.
• To be able to truly be myself and act however stupid.
  
  To be able to do all that and still be confident and so sure that he still loves me.
  
  and that would be kenneth, for me.
  
  The other one would just remain as the fantasy that i had missed 2 years back and had lived only 2 years later.
  That i had walked away from 2 years then and shall do so once again, 2 years now.
  
  Mel asked me, how much do i know him? and i realised i couldnt quite put my finger on it.
  I only know that he's changed.
  From a person with no vision for himself, no ambition, no seriousness and no regards for anyone's feelings.
  to someone with a dream for himself, someone who knows how to care others.
  Perhaps thats what makes him different.
  Not that his hair is cool, or that his bod is good.
  Or that he's just one of a kind.
  like all the girls out there going ga-ga over him or rather his appearance or charm.
  
  
  The more i write, the clearer my thoughts get.
  And at this moment, im starting to feel that what i had actually wanted and more suited to be, is his friend.
  because i guess, deep down, being is girlfriend is not what i wanted.
  
  A person like me, can NEVER tolerate so many girls near my bf.

• I don't care if they're just friends, or that they're just bored or have no other friends to talk to.
• I don't care whether those girls cannot decide whether or not to tan or be white as a fish, and HAD to ask a guy what they should choose.
• Or even ask about bananas and leaves.
• Or even better think that the guy is some freakin all in one wonder machine.
  Can repair fans, answer tanning and supernatural questions.
  
  Because i think thats what the internet, the repair-man and your brain is for.
  
  Like me, i know that i want to be WHITE as a fish, i can repair my own fans and I ANSWERED YOUR SUPERNATURAL QUESTIONS.
  
  JUST DIG THAT.
  
  Oh well, those days made me feel that our im not like those girls that are after him or he's after.
  for one thing, i may be feminine when i want to, with make-up, crossed legs and all.
  But i'm also very tom-boyish on the other side and wouldnt mind, or rather wld gladly kick beach soccer with guys.
  
  I love to make stupid faces, say stupid things, not caring whether i look cool infront of anyone.
  Because i simply don't care or need their opinions.
  I live for myself and not them.
  
  What i feel is that, i still want the best for him in the sense that i seriously hope to see that his dream of becoming a professional soccer player come true.
  I wld feel happy for him, proud of him for achieving so.
  But that will be all.
  I guess choosing between superficial sense of security and mascularity to that that comes from within.
  
  I would choose the latter, and had alrdy done so.
  
  =)
  
  with love, to kenneth
  belinda

Nicole Richie's Pantene commercial.


(Just click STOP to pause the blog music)

Damn funny.


Watch it!



(just press STOP at the top of this window to stop the blog music)

THIS IS HILARIOUS.
and did i mention,



Clay Aiken is SMOKIN' HOT!


Time passes in a blink of an eye, sometimes way too fast for emotional people like me.

People like isaac, whom i was so close to back in Secondary school seemed to have drifted away from me, slowly gradually, they are leaving.

But i will always remember how we started off as friends, how i was there when he cried, how i somehow managed to be next to him throughout his ups and downs never cease to marvel me.

Was i really that free of a teenager back then, to poke my nose into everyone's BGR biz?

I don't know, perhaps i was, or perhaps i was just merely helpful.

Isaac, isaac, what kind i say.

He was more than my confidante.
He was my bestest friend, my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on.
You could say that he was my entire emotional support.


The only person in this whole darn world that probably knows every little dirty secret about me is him.
Probably, if something dreadful happens to me or both of us and we found ourselves single again, we could try being together. hahaha!


Lots of ppl had asked us, why isaac and belinda not together, they understand each other so well, they are so suited to one another.

Love is a funny thing my friend, the kind of love i have for isaac, transcends that of mere friendship but its a whole different kind of love, as compared to that i have for kenneth.

But that doesnt me i can survive entirely with just one kenneth, i still need my best friend, i still need the one who was always there before any boyfriend came along.

We supported each other thru so many relationships, we confided in one another, we cried about our plights, we urged each other to brace ourselves and stand up again when either of us fell.


But that is slowly changing, i doubt i'll ever see another testimonial from isaac ending with Love,zac anymore. Nor will he say "i miss you" to me as freely as before.
I know he has a GF, and i wish all the best for the both of them. I know he said that he's afraid the girlfriend will be jealous. Perhaps thats the case, but i just cant help feeling hurt.

Gone were the times when we msg one another whenever we've got problems in our lives. Times have changed and people around me changed too.


Didnt you know, its ppl like you that makes up Belinda,
losing you is equivalent to losing part of my identity.


There was one day when i suddenly told kenneth that i was afraid.
Because i grew up and i realise the world was not as beautiful as i thought it to be.
Because i see the ugliness in the society, the vicousness of a dog-eat-dog mentality.


Old friends leave and new friends come.
I know its all part and parcel of life.


But please,
please do not step off my train.
Both you and kenneth are the most important guys in my life.

You are like my older brother, without you, i've got noone else to turn to.

I do not want to lose my best friend, my confidante.


But den again,
how many times in life, do you get to choose the path life forces upon you?

Saddened,
Bells


It's been almost a week since i last posted an entry.
Kenenth had since went and returned from their trip last Sunday night.

He left on a Friday morning.
I was suprised to find myself to be the only female there, i was expecting to see cae and lenn. But never mind, all's good.
I tink Cae is sick again though, lately, everyone's falling ill. Poor Cae, i think it must be the stress from her projects and all.
Get Well soon!

Anyway, after kenenth and team left, i handed back home. Intending to sleep, but i didnt in the end.
The past 3 days had been packed with activites.

Friday
* Send kenenth off
* take a nap
* Felicia's Dance concert at Kallang Theater
* MJ at Dominic's Chalet

Saturday

* SLEEP
* go to dominic's chalet again
* MJ
* Supper at Geylang
* Breakfast at Changi
(thanks to free transportation from Yu tao. hahaa!)


Sunday

* Out with family
* Robinsons's Sale
* Free Shopping Spree
* Went back to kenneth's place awaiting his return
* SLEEP!


LOVE,
bells


GOODBYE WATCH





*SOBS

Anyway, those who havent me got me my PRESENTS. PLS do get me a GOOD eyecream for my DAMN eyebags.
AND i mean GOOD one.
-.-

I hate my eyebags laaaaaa.

=(


WHO IS INTERESTED IN EARNING EASY CASH, MSG ME NOW. says:
i also want big breast

★ ⓣⓐⓞ ★ | 愛無間 ! says:
EHEH

★ ⓣⓐⓞ ★ | 愛無間 ! says:
MY MUMM SAY eat more fish


This one part of the conversation i has with yu tao. Actually, after talking with him about those days in school and prom night.
The more i talked to him, the more i start to miss the times when he was my science Lab partner. And we will talk about any shit that comes through our mind, be it breasts or someone else's small dick or whatever lame shit that comes out of either our mouths.

Like what kenneth said to me once before,
Life is like an ever-moving train.
That occassionally stops at various stops at certain times of our lives.
Some people get on the train, some left and some stayed.

And its people like, Melissa, Felicia, Ching Lam, Darianne, Isaac, Yutao, Yusho that i hope will never get off my train.
And new friends that got on my train such as Zelia, Janice and Jamie, i dont want them to get off the train either.

Especially Zelia, i mean its not everyday that you get to meet someone that is so alike you in ways that you can ever imagine. The character, the behaviour and the way both of us react to situations is so uncanny, we seem almost like sisters.


But then again, the reality of life is always cruel. People that are close to you do walk away, whther or not you like it or want them too. and there is nothing you can do about it at times like that.


I do sometimes think to myself, how life would be if one day i were to find myself alone again, and that kenneth had decided to leave me for some reason.
I find myself unable to conjure up the image of myself, being happy and being able to live life as if im not greatly affected by his departure.
The fact is, if the day does come, i can only say, it will affect me like nothing anyone had seen happen to me before. Liken it to the death of my grandfather. I would think it would be just as bad as that.
Or maybe worse, afterall, its a different kind of grief.










Okie anyway, after all that emotional talk.

Have anyone out there been to the Crystal Jade Express (near orchard MRT).
If you have not been there, i wld like to CAUTION you from ever stepping into that nightmare of a hellhole.

I ordered the chicken rice with char siew meat on their menu and it cost me a hefty $7 plus for just chicken rice!
But i wad like, hey, maybe the chicken is nice or the char siew taste damn good or smth.
BUT I CAN NEVER BE MORE WRONG!

This was what my chicken rice look like after flipping the chicken over.



They gave me chicken bones in place of chicken meat.
AND
Char siew FATS in place of char siew meat.

I SWEAR, i will never step into that shithole again.
I tell you, the look on my face was priceless, i did not imagine in my wildest imagination to be serve such an outrageous plate of CHICKEN RICE at a so called HIGH CLASS place like CRYSTAL JADE, even though its EXPRESS, doesnt mean they can undermine the quality standard of their restaurant.

And the worst part was, i would have gotten more meat for $3 at a food court.

SO MUCH for HIGH CLASS CHICKEN RICE.


*rolls eyes

LOVEingly,
bells


I wonder if its possible for someone to be addicted to reading storybooks.

I had such a strong urge to read, that i'm willing to move my big fat ass and go to the library tml.
I'm just thinking of which library i shld go, pasir ris, tampines, tpy or even somewhere further like orchard. What matters most is the availability of books and also the range.

Bedok library
Certain libraries like maybe the one in bedok, the last time i went there, i got so irritated cox the whole damn library is so big but i cant find a single book that i like. Maybe i didnt know where to find them, but den again, the whole layout is so confusing.
ARGh.
What a disappointment.

Toa Payoh HDB Library
I on the other hand, rather like toa payoh HDB HUB's library. Its big and the adult fiction is on the 2nd level, tucked in a corner. and the thing about TPY's library is that it has amble seats, rooms and tables for you to sit and browse/read your selected story books.

Pasir Ris Library
Pasir Ris library is also on par with TPY's.
But the collection of adult fiction may not be as many as TPY i would say.

Tampines Library
The worst library i've ever been to was Tampines Library, the books were not packed by order of name and everything is just so messy, you most likely have to sit on the floor to read because of the lack of seats.
But to my pleasant surprise, i happen to visit tamp library recently and i realised they have re-located the adult fiction section.
It is now all stored in a rather spacious area called 'HUGO ROOM'. I have no idea whats with the name, but anyway. i'm glad to say, vast changes have been made and i'm beginning to like going to tamp library.

Schedule

Oh well, but first and foremost. My schedule for tml will most likely be, doc's appointment, den library afterwards either buy food for Ginger and head home or go over payar lebar to meet my baby!



Ramblings of a Disgruntled Woman

ARGH.
I hate it that i get to spend so little time with kenneth.
I mean i know i shouldnt complain so much, but i think its so unfair that the schedule made does not seem to put into consideration kenneth's already busy schedule.
He has to wake up at 7 plus in the morning to head for work,
MON to FRI, 5 days a week.
And when he comes home from work, that is if theres NO TRAINING. What time have we got left?
eat dinner, bathe, slack awhile, then have to sleep early.
And when there's training, which is most of the case.
He comes home so late, he'll have to go sleep asap.
Where to find time to spend with each other?!
For the weekdays wan, like that alrdy never mind, den u wld say, u have the weekends wat!
That is when you are so wrong.
Weekends are also taken mind you.
i'm probably the only girlfren complaining here in the team.
But that is probably because i'm the only girlfren whose boyfren is working?!
But then again, the other guys may have stuff that occupies their time away from their gf.
I donno la!

ARGH.
The paradox and inequality of life.
Sighs

Lovingly,
a very sick and mightily coughing bells.


ARGH. STUPID COMPUTER MJ GAME!
U noe that majong 3 lack one game!
Intially when i first started playing it, it was rather fun, i mean it rids me of my boredom and it keeps me occupied.
Especially when i'm suffering from bouts of insomnia. But after playing it for some time, it has started to irritate the hell of me.

I mean who will not get irritated if your majong khakis in the com are always the same, and they always game before u managed to. Especially when your cards are so damn beautiful!
The worst part is, at times, they can just "pong pong" here and there and then game without u yet taking a tile! ARGHHHH. so damn bloody irritating.


HMMMMMMMM..........


Poor me.
I wa sill for the past few days, actually, i was since my birthday.
That is like 4th may, and up till now, i'm barely recovering from it.
But at least i got my voice back.
The past 2 days were horrid, the 1st day, i still had a bit of voice, but its awfully low and man-like. But that was still ok, at least i can talk in the sense that i can coherently form words out of my mouth.
The 2nd day, when i open my mouth to speak. All that came out were strange high-pitched strangled noises. Zelia say that my voice sounds like (directly translated from chinese) KILLING CHICKEN WTH!?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH...it was most horrible. Somemore, my family intended to go Ah Ma house to celebrate Mother's day with my Grandma. All my cousins were there, ( something that i didnt know) so i merely just picked up my handphone and called my grandma house.

My 3rd Aunt answered the phone, i tried my best to identify myself and to say i wanna speak to ah ma, but my words were barely audible and my aunt started to sound very irritated. She was like, (in chinese) who are you?! who you want to talk to?.
Then i cleared my voice the best i could and she finally know who i am. It was then everyone started laughing.
I could hear my 3rd aunt in the background telling everyone about my voice, and before i know it, all my aunties and cousins started to take turns to talk to me and start laughing.
Even my grandma started laughing hysterically while talking to me.
It was a NIGHTMARE.

Anyway, i'm glad i'm feeling much better now. The flu bug or whatever bug that it was, was really damn powerful.
It all started with kenenth actually.
i met him for dinner and he told me he had very bad sore throat. We didnt share our food or drinks of course, but i still managed to get the sickness anyway.
Actually i got it the very night i met him, thats how scary the bug was. Den it spread to his brother and to his collegue. Its everywhere, attacking anyone whose body immune system is weak.
And thanks to my insomnia which let to my very lack of sleep and weak body. i fell victim to it! SOBs.
i had like, sore throat, blocked nose, runny nose, cough, fever.
U name it, i've got it.
And now, i've got this bloody ulcer on my lip, and this freaking cold sore on my lip too. ANNNNDDD worse of all, im having LAO SAI.
WAH LAO.
i want to die liao.
HELP!


Lovingly
very sick bells. =(

You Are A Poplar Tree

People tend to look up to you, and it's a bit lonely at the top. Inside, you are not always self confident, but you show great courage. Mature and organized, you are reliable in any situation. You tend to have an artistic or philosophical outlook on life. You are very choosy in love and take partnership seriously.

Your Birthdate: May 4

You have an extraordinary character - moral, responsible, and disciplined. Your sincerely and honesty shine through in almost every situation. Driven and focused, you rarely let your emotions get the better of you. You're level headed and rational. People count on your to look at things objectively. Your strength: Your unwavering loyalty and ethics Your weakness: Your rock solid stubbornness Your power color: Navy blue Your power symbol: Shield Your power month: April

Your Extroversion Profile:

Assertiveness: Very High

Friendliness: Very High

Activity Level: High

Cheerfulness: High

Excitement Seeking: High

Sociability: High

Dinner yesterday was lovely.
Mainly because i had it with kenneth.
Anything with him is beautiful.
Always.

=)


The initial plan for my bday was a trip to the Zoo. I wanted to actually. However the day before yesterday, kenneth and I played MJ to the wee hours of the morning. So we were too tired to wake up early enough to head for the Zoo.
OH well, of course i was a LIL disappointed. But there's always another time. =D

We were however unable to decide where to go and eat. The choices or rather places that came to mind was, Ding Tai Feng or whatever it is spelt, Sakura or anywhere that is nice. We finally decided on Sakura cause i heard the downtowneast one was not bad.

I initially didnt want to go for buffet as i've just cut down on my appetite. By a whole lot mind you! and i lost alot of weight, luckily. If i were to gouge myself with food, its still possible. But i dont want to put all my past efforts to waste!!
In the end, i just ate without restrictions, hahaha, to hell with being skinny!

Anyway, we made a reservation at 6, and was one of the earliest customers there. The food was OKAY. Not say THAT great la. And the RANGE was rather little, at least to me.

There were
* Sushi (Egg/ crabmeat/ tuna etc)
* Sashimi
* Teppanyaki (chicken/ beef/ dory/ salmon)
* Salads (Abalone/ Mayo crabmeat salad(I LOVE THIS)/ Lobster salad etc)
* Baked Salbma (smth like tat)
* Little pizza
* Sweet sauced Chicken
* Baked Oyster
* Raw Oyster
* Raw Mussels
* Cold Boiled Prawns
* Fried Rice
* Prawns again (with sauce)
* Herbal soup (Prawn/ Black Chicken)
* Soups (Shark's Fin/ Mushroom)
* Ice Cream (Mocha/ Chocolate/ Coconut/ Peppermint-choc (seriously tastes like COLGATE btw) / Vannila Ripple/ Yam/ Cookies n Cream etc)
* Puddings & Jellies (about 6 kinds, Mango/ Almond etc)
* Mini Cakes (Chocolate Fudge/ Cookie n Cream/ Cheesecake/ Coffee)
* Fruits (Watermelon/ Kiwi/ DragonFruit/ Lychee/ Grapes)
* Durian Puffs THIS tasted so GOOD, i ate 2 even though i had sore throat!
* Drinks (Coffee/ Tea/ Ice-blended Kiwi/ Calamansi/ Lime/ Orange/ Coke etc)
The juices tasted dilluted though.

I may have missed out a thing or two, but the list is pretty much rather complete.
The service there is good, but the food is so-so. U'll get rather sick after awhile and know not what to eat anymore cause nothing seems to interest your tastebuds.
At least thats the case for me.
I didnt have the urge to eat somemore, and thats not because i wasnt hungry.
I just got sick of what was offered.
OH well.


Hmmm...

I woke up today with 6 missed calls and 10 new msges.
HAHA.
I'm loved by everyone!!
AND i can FEEL DA LOVE!
Around 20 ppl in total wished me 'Happy Birthday!' today.
And that made me a VERY happy EIGHTEEN year old.

And being 18 is so much fun.
I can finally go into clubs with my OWN IDENTITY CARD, not having to be brought in by VIPS.
YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAA!

Anyways, thankyou fel for your lovely cookies.
And to all the people who wished me on this joyous day!
I LOVE YOU'ALL.


With hugs and MANY kisses.

LOVINGLY,
Belinda the 18 YEAR OLD.
*JUMPS AROUND*


I'm supposed to create a long list of things you guys can get for me.
It's called a wishlist.
BUT, im having trouble even starting it. DAMNIT.
What's wrong with me, why am i having trouble doing something all females can do so easily?!

I went over to felicia's diary to get inspiration.

And here goes, the first item to start it all off.
WISH-LIST.
1) Levis jean. LOW hipster whatever. Size 26 perhaps?
2) Abercrombie skirt.
3) Samsung P850 (<-----LO0K HERE!)
4) Nikon Coolpix S5 / Canon IXUS 55
5) Coach Hampton bag

WANT-LIST.
COSMETICS
1) LOREAL. TRUE match liquid foundation
Get me both N4 Nude Beige & R1 Rose Ivory if u'r gettin this.
2) MASCARA from LANCOME /ANNA SUI. (volumising kind)
3) Highlighting powder from REVLON.
4) Loreal highlighting concealer in color Number 3.

I've absolutely fell in love with this watch.
SOMEONE PLS GET THIS FOR ME!


click on pic to see auction page.

The seller's reserve is $130. =D

BAGS
I'm currently looking for a bag big enough to carry books from the library yet nice enough to bring out shopping.
Brands such as Guess or others will do.

=)

PERFUME
1) Gucci Envy me.
2) HUGO Purple


MISC
1)ROYCE CHOCOLATES. Its heaven.
2) Majong set.
i want those in pure white or white with green backs, light green.
Most importantly the animals have to look nice, i'm most particular about that. =D
BTW, those sets are retailing at about $50 outside, i think.

I've bold those that i want more than the rest. *winks*

DO-NOT LIST
DO not get me:
blushers
wallets
soft toys

I know i heard one of you talk about getitng me a vibrator, if you really have to. Pls dont get me a cheap-skate one, i dowan to get electrocuted while using it. HAHA.



OKIE, that'll be all for now. im getting a headache with all that thinking.
Shall update later today or smth.


To end it all, If anyone out there really cant tink of what to buy.
i don mind getting cold hard cash. *GRINS*




WITH ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD
bells


Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Cautious, prudent, and rather self-contained, you are a person who approaches life realistically and who is not inclined to take foolish chances or get carried away by the overly optimistic or idealistic schemes of starry-eyed dreamers. In fact, you frequently have a jaundiced view of such things. You are rather worldly-wise at a fairly young age, even something of a cynic. Often the world doesn't seem like a safe, friendly place to you, and you tend to approach life in a guarded, conservative manner. You are generally calculating and careful, and are rarely spontaneous, fluid, open, and childlike. Find out more with your full-length reading...

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

You are a steadfast and patient soul, capable of tremendous devotion, dedication, endurance, and constancy. The ability to follow through and stick with things is one of your greatest assets. Once your course is set, you pursue it tenaciously until it is completed, stubbornly resisting any attempts to sway you from your purpose. Find out more with your full-length reading...




Chapter 1: The Sun - Your Ego Structure

SUN IN TAURUS

You have a strong sense of how much something is worth. You value security and will seldom be willing to trade it for adventure. You have an innate understanding of the principles of amassment. You seek to build something of lasting consequence. You are not necessarily quick but you do have staying power. Often, you establish yourself in life through sheer endurance. At rock bottom, you are solid and rather conservative. You have a preference for the way things have been. When you learn to adapt to changing circumstances your life improves. Find out more with your full-length reading...


MERCURY IN TAURUS

Your mind is conventional and determined. Your basic thrust is toward the practical. You wish to be thorough but sometimes your slow, intuitive approach misses some key ingredients that move in a more subtle realm. However, when something is registered once with you, you really have it. You express yourself with great determination. You are often balanced between a desire for diplomacy and a tendency to be fairly entrenched in your own perceptions. You have a keenly practical picture of the world and take great pleasure in the feel, taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound of things. Because your perceptions move so close to the earth itself, your mind can lack flexibility. After all, the law of gravity doesn't allow much variation. Things are what they are. Adjustment to things beyond your control is difficult. You would rather ignore something that doesn't fit your perceptions or "dig in" for a fight.


This a free preview of my personalised personality test.
However to see the remaining 80% of it.
I'll have to pay, and being the cheapo that i am.
I've decided not to click the buy option.
HAHA.

another test...

Sun in Taurus:

Taurus- Key Words: The Bull in the china shop.

Taurus natives are stubborn about everything, and there is no particular reason why, probably because Taureans feel insecure in some way. In being stubborn, Taureans feel they won't miss out on anything until they have mulled it into mildew. Hey, who wants to miss out on a good thing? If you want to have a good time with a Taurean native, give them the impossible to do with a restricted time frame to do it in, and watch them burn out a fuse trying to do it anyway. Make sure to have lots of video tape ready to capture the determination, and the horror! This will not be a pretty sight. Find out more with your full-length reading...

For the greatest Taurean attributes look under N for No Nerves (as they are quite jittery), and have absolutely No sense of humor. A person can't laugh with a stick up their butt, it ruins the concentration! Find out more with your full-length reading...

If you want to get romantic with a Taurean, take that little love muffin out to the countryside with the horsies and cows and other such charming anomalies of nature for a picnic, and let nature takes its course. The Taurean just loves the country to roam etc., etc., etc. Do I have to draw a picture for you, or maybe you can draw your own? Find out more with your full-length reading...




Alright.


CIAOS DARLINGS.

Visit www.astrology.com today!


I AM SO DAMN BLOODY ANGRY NOW

that im going to write a bloody long essay about what triggered by anger even though i'm overwhelmed by exhaustion.

I would like to speak of the relationship i had with xuanyou in the past.

SHERRY, you FUCKING CB with papaya tits.
I hope you rot in hell.

Guys, long ago, i already knew that sherry was bad-mouthing me all along in the years when i was in secondary. I was already very pissed as it was only after i've graduated that i found out about it. So never mind, whats done is done, whats said has alreadybeen said. I cant possibly just suddenly appear infront of her one day, SCREAM like a banshee and b